ADHD

School’s Out – Preventing the Summer Slide

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summer learningTeachers talk about the summer slide all the time. That downhill slope that learning often takes during the summer months. We all lose some level of skill when we don’t keep using it. For students, the summer slide can set them back a month or more having to review what they have already learned.

Now, I am not talking about the facts they have memorized, but the process of being able to figure things out through understanding themselves and problem solving. In other words, thinking about how they think or metacognition. This is the real skill they need when it comes to learning.

So, what you can you do this summer to help minimize that summer slide?

    • Keep them reading. Find books that they are interested in (not just the ones on their summer reading list) and set aside some time each day for reading. After lunch, after dinner or before bed are great times and even better if you are able to read at that time too. Don’t forget to ask them about what they have read.
    • Going to camp or on outings? Let your children plan what they need, figure out the route or buy the snacks. Any way that you can get them thinking about how to approach the task of being ready is helpful. What have they done in the past that is similar to this and how can that help?
    • Take a walk in the woods, go geocaching, identify birds, flowers, rocks and trees. Get outside and play. Visit the tourist sites near you. What will they be studying next year? Is there an historic site that relates? Take in a museum or zoo.
    • Teach and/or reinforce skills through baking snacks, helping with meal prep, doing their own laundry, organizing their room, and/or writing a grocery list or their daily plan. Create a menu of fun activities they want to do. It is easier to check the menu than to come up with something to do in the moment. Do they want to learn something new or improve a skill?
    • Weekly (or more) game night. Play games that use math and reading but also keeps their “playing with others” skills active. Building with legos – have a competition. Puzzles too.
    • Keep some structure in their day. Kids thrive when they know what to expect. Having morning, mid-day and evening routines can break up the day and make it easier for them to switch activities or come up with new ones. Try a 30 minute “quiet time” after lunch. It works great if you want to swim after lunch but really should wait a bit. It’s a great time for reading, doing puzzles, word searches, or reinforcing weak skills through activities (although I am not a fan of the worksheets), things like math war, or memory games and even flashcards help.

Learning is a process and it takes time.

So, start small and scaffold things where you start with lots of help and then less help as they become more capable. Focus on the process of learning and not the outcome. Keep a growth mindset in mind where they are capable with effort even if they can’t do it “yet.” Allow choices it fosters ownership. Reflecting on what they have done leads to metacognition so be sure to use some of their successes to remind them when they are struggling.

Lastly, and most importantly, it is so easy to supply solutions to children’s statements and complaints like: “I’m hungry” or “Where is my bike”, or “I’m bored,” but when you do, you take away the opportunity to develop problem solving skills and encourage independence. (Also developing agency).

Encouraging your children to problem solve with your help and building on their confidence develops agency. Isn’t the goal to raise lifelong, independent learners with the confidence to handle anything? And, it can be fun!

Developing Agency Leads to Independence

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Celebrating agency up high on a mountainThe word “agency” keeps popping up in articles I read or podcasts I listen to so I thought I would look a bit deeper into it. Hope you find it helpful.

Agency is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “the ability to take action or to choose what action to take.” It is the belief that you have control over your choices and can affect change through the choices you make. How often do you feel that you have an impact on your life through the decisions and choices you make? So, what is agency?

Without Agency

  • Unclear goals
  • Emotions drive beliefs (whether true or not)
  • Indecision
  • Fear of Failure
  • Lack of confidence in your abilities

With Agency

  • Growth mindset (you believe you can do it, maybe just not “yet”)
  • Metacognition (you think about your thinking)
  • See learning as a process and yourself as a learner
  • Self-efficacy (belief in your abilities)
  • Ask open ended questions to problem solve

Agency isn’t just important for adults, but also for children to develop. Students have been through a lot of changes over the last three years and most of them adapted quite well. Some did not do well with the challenges and the constant changes. What do you think makes the difference, between a student who is resilient and adapts quickly and those that become more needy and less capable? Is it fear of failure, lack of confidence, or learned helplessness that interferes with a child’s development of agency?

Opportunities to problem solve and figure out what steps to take next have been replaced with the answers and solutions in order to save time (Ex. Study guides instead of study skills). Think about it, when was the last time your child came to you with a problem and you told them what to do? You may have missed an opportunity to help them develop agency and confidence in their own abilities.

I was surprised to read this article that discussed the increase in a child’s anxieties when you constantly solve their problems for them or make accommodations to diminish their fears. This line jumped out at me. “Kids look to their parents to see who they are, Dr. Leibowitz notes. So, when parents reflect back to them that they are helpless in the face of anxiety, and need to be protected, that’s what kids learn to feel about themselves.” That goes for problem solving too. They question their own abilities and instead rely on a parent or teacher to “save” them.

Learning is a Process

  • It takes time
  • Start small and scaffold with help
  • Focus on the process not the outcome
  • Allow choices – develops ownership
  • Self-reflection leads to metacognition
  • Growth mindset (capable with effort)
  • Leads to self-efficacy (belief in your abilities)
  • Which then leads to agency – knowing you can impact your life through the decisions and choices you make

Encouraging your children to problem solve with your help and building on their confidence develops agency. Isn’t the goal to raise lifelong learners with the confidence to handle anything that comes their way (depending on age of course)?

As an adult, you know yourself best and should keep that in mind when solving a problem or developing a strategy that will work for the way you think. We can’t always predict what success will look like so designing an “experiment” gives an opportunity to try things out without fear of failure. Make sure to think about what could get in the way of your success. Thinking about possible obstacles and then creating a plan for them, helps ensure greater success of your experiment. Each experiment provides more data (more clues as to what will work) even if you don’t get there on the first try.

Each experiment whether successful or not helps you learn more about who you are and who you want to be. It builds on your strengths and helps you find strategies you can use in other instances. This builds your “toolbox” that you can use in other situations. In the end, we don’t set the goals or do the tasks for the “fun” of crossing them off the list, we do them to show ourselves we are capable and in control of ourselves and our actions – and that develops agency.

If you’d like to learn more about helping your children develop agency, then join our Thriving with ADHD in the Family Parent Class starting Thursday, April 27th, 2023 at 7pm ET via Zoom.

What’s In Your Closet?

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Caveman ClosetI wonder who invented or designed the first closet. Maybe Mrs. Caveman got tired of tripping over Mr. Caveman’s club again and hid it behind a rock. Whatever the reason, closets can be either a black hole or a great tool for organizing. This month in celebration of Clean Out Your Closet Week, we are tackling the coat closet.

Pick the closet you use most often, it is usually closest to the door you use daily. First step of organizing is always sort.  You can start with sorting the outerwear by season and/or owner. If possible take it out of the closet and sort it so you can actually see how much each person has. As the winter winds down you can see which coats and accessories still fit your child and which will not make it through another season. Decide which coats are regularly worn and which do not fit or are in poor condition. Donate those that you can and store the out of season ones. Do the same for the accessories such as, scarves, hats, gloves and shoes. Take everything else out of the closet and decide if it needs to be stored elsewhere or if it will remain in that closet. (If you do not have a closet near the door that you use most often, try to find a space to put up hooks for jackets and baskets for the other extras for each member of the family.)

Next, look at ways to utilize vertical space. Can you add another shelf? Often the top shelf leaves a lot of unused space up to the ceiling. Add another shelf there and although it will be harder to reach, it makes good use of that space near the ceiling for plastic (labeled) bins for seasonal or seldom used items. A basic shoe rack can double as a removable shelf and shelf dividers can keep things separated. Can you add another rod? Adding a rod off of the existing rod creates a lower rod for children to use at their height. Just remember to leave some space for full length items (if you have any). Sometimes closet space is actually hidden behind the wall of the closet and is difficult to use. If it is 10 inches or deeper, you might want to add some shelves or hooks for easy hang up.

If you like things to be “put away” then you may want to use part of this closet area as a “landing pad.” Use separate baskets, bins or shelves for each family member to store their accessories (hats, gloves, etc.) and backpacks. For young children make sure there are hooks or a rod low enough for them to hang up their own coat and a bin low enough for their mittens, ski pants, backpacks and hats. The fewer steps it takes children to put their things away, the more likely it is that they will do it. Walk them through what you want them to do as they come in the door and for younger children, also add a picture list of the steps to help them create the habit.

Now put everything back into the closet grouped in a way that works for your family whether it be by owner, type of jacket or color – the choice is yours. Make it functional and no one will ask – What’s in your closet?

Got questions? Leave them in the comments box….I’d love to hear from you.

Are We REALLY in Control?

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Life out of controlDo you ever feel like your life is a constant juggling act and that if one more thing comes at you, you’ll lose control?

When that happens, it can make us feel “out of control.” It isn’t just that one thing that causes you to drop the ball, but a combination of things. It is different for everyone but ask yourself, is it too many to-dos and not enough time? Or is it disorganization, weak boundaries (read, can’t say no) or unrealistic expectations of yourself or others?

The causes and the solutions are different for everyone. So, if you are looking for solutions to get back that feeling of control for yourself, a coach approach can provide the structure to get you the answers you need.

What is the Outcome You Want, to Feel in Control Again?

Imagine your life without this challenge – what does that look like? If you’re an adult with ADHD, how is ADHD showing up or impacting this situation? Just becoming aware of what is interfering with your ability to get to that outcome is the first step. A coach can help you explore that in a safe, non-judgmental and supportive way. They can help you narrow down your focus to one piece of the puzzle. In our example, maybe it is unrealistic expectations of yourself. Even Wonder Woman has her limits.

What Can You Do to Control The Outcome?

Brainstorm ideas and strategies keeping in mind there is no ONE right answer. You know yourself best and need to keep that in mind so that your strategy will work for the way you think. We can’t always predict what success will look like so designing an “experiment” gives an opportunity to try things out without fear of failure. Each experiment provides more data (more clues as to what will work) even if you don’t get there on the first try. Be clear on what you are committing to doing and how you will measure if it is successful or not. In a coaching relationship, you can ask the coach to hold you accountable for whatever actions you want to do.

Anything that Could Interfere with Your Plan?

A coach wants you to succeed but the responsibility is all yours as they are not attached to the outcome. You won’t be able to predict if your experiment is going to work or not but you can check to make sure there is time in your calendar to work on the experiment. Do you have everything you need to complete the experiment? When/If this works what will you learn about yourself?

Who Do You Want to Be?

Each experiment whether successful or not helps you learn more about who you are and who you want to be. It builds on your strengths and helps you find strategies you can use in other instances. In the end, we don’t do the tasks for the “fun” of crossing them off the list, we do them to show ourselves we are capable and in control of the outcome and of ourselves and our actions.

Now what can you do to take back your control?

If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help you reach the outcomes you dream of, then let’s set up a 20-minute zoom call to chat. Email me here: laine@thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com

Time Management vs. Choice Management

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time or choice

Time management, what does that mean to you? For me, it is my ability to manage the available time I have to get what needs to be done, done. Notice, I said it is MY ability to manage – myself really and manage my choices. We really can’t “manage” time as we have no control over it. It keeps going on its own whether we want it to or not. However, the choices we make of how to use our time can have a huge impact on our productivity, as well as, on how we feel about ourselves and our lives. So, what is choice management?

Choice management is taking time to look at all the options/tasks/choices you have and actually choosing your priorities given the time you have. There are lots of things that “should” be done, but are they really the important stuff or just the easy stuff? Estimate how long you think things will take before you decide if it’s a realistic task to take on.

Choose the top three priorities to begin with and set clear boundaries around the time you will work on them. Don’t wait for the deadlines to get closer as although deadlines help provide a sense of urgency, they often bring extra stress if you miscalculate the time needed to complete it.

Five Ways to Save Time

  • Use the Pomodoro method
  • Time blocking
  • Task batching
  • Create systems and routines to “keep up”
  • Organize and declutter the extras out of your life

It comes down to having to make choices because the reality is you probably can’t do it all. So rather than getting stressed, why not choose wisely and ask yourself…”is this important enough for me to use “x” hours of my day to do? Then figure out which method above, works best for you. Watch out for things that can eat up your time, like distractions, multitasking and not having a plan.

The Pomodoro Method

The Pomodoro method breaks your work time into four, 25-minute blocks of time with a 5-minute break in between each block. The short time frame tricks the brain into thinking the task is more urgent since the clock is ticking. It helps to know that you only have to work on that one “challenging or boring” task for 25 minutes and then you can take a break.

The one thing I have found to help increase it’s effectiveness is to have other people know what I am working on in that block. This body doubling technique also adds accountability to the tasks and helps to keep me on track. If you’d like to give it a try, feel free to join us for Work It Wednesday from 10am-12pm ET via zoom. (Email me for link). At the end, you are encouraged to celebrate your accomplishments and appreciate your productivity (and take a longer break).

Create Systems and Routines

We all want to work “smarter” because that makes things easier on us. Creating systems and routines is a great way to do that. Time blocking and task batching are examples of systems you can use, if they work for you. However, time management is not just about work tasks; you probably also have “home” tasks some of which occur daily.

Setting up systems and/or routines for those things can save you time and stress. For example, if there is no routine of cleaning up the kitchen after dinner (or at least before going to bed) then the morning becomes more of a hassle as you dodge last night’s dirty dishes and cluttered counters trying to get everyone out the door on time. Not to mention the extra time it takes to get dried food off.

Routines work well for weekly tasks too. Pick a day for specific things, like meal planning, grocery shopping, and laundry. Why wait until you have no clothes and there are 6 loads to do when you can keep up by doing laundry once or twice during the week. Much easier to put clothes away if it is manageable.

Organize and Declutter

Lastly, but most importantly, take the time to organize and declutter. Out of all the things you can do, this may save you the most time and frustration. We’ve all wasted time searching for things, things that either didn’t get put back in their “home” or they didn’t have a home to begin with. Your home should work for you not against you.

Create organization so that you know where the things you use daily and weekly belong. Don’t organize so you can stack more stuff into a space. Let the space determine how much can go in there and reduce your inventory. The bigger the load of laundry the longer it takes to get it to its final destination. If your clothes don’t fit in the closet or dresser once they are all clean, then (I’ll be direct) maybe you have too many clothes. Think of how much time you are using/forfeiting to laundry.

Things you use often, should be easy to get to. Why should the big lobster pot take up an entire cabinet when you only use it once or twice a year? It shouldn’t. Make life simpler by clearing counters of appliances and knick knacks you don’t use weekly. You might think it only takes a minute to move things out of the way so you can work, but those minutes add up. You are choosing to use them clearing space when you could be using them for yourself and your family.

Think about the choices you make each day. Yes, it would be wonderful to be able to do all the things we want and need to do but, there are so many options and opportunities that it is impossible to do it all. So, “choose wisely, grasshopper” as a famous TV Kung Fu master once said. Or maybe you’re inspired by Yoda’s line, “do or do not. There is no try.”  Whatever “method” you use for saving time is just one piece of the puzzle, it is the choices you make all day, every day that provides the frame work. Choose what matters to you.

Pick A Slice of ADHD Pie

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Pick a slice of life with ADHD pie

January, the start of a new year. There is so much media attention on resolutions, themes, words of the year, etc. that we can easily be overwhelmed and feel like our life with ADHD is not measuring up. Well, I for one, don’t make resolutions – mostly because in the past, they never worked. I also don’t need to wait until January 1st to make a change. However, I also know that making too many changes at once….is probably not going to turn out well. So, this year, let’s try something different. Let’s pick a slice of ADHD pie to get started.

New Approach

You may have seen other “Life Wheels” similar to the one above. I designed this one with categories that relate to areas that can be challenging (or mostly ignored) for those living with ADHD.
The idea is to picture each piece of pie as being divided into 10 sections from the point in the middle to the outside edge. Ask yourself where you would rate yourself for each category from zero to ten. For example, the health category (and feel free to change these to match the areas of your life) how would you rate your health right now? Let’s say it is a 6. Mark off where a “6” might land on the pie and draw a slightly curved line to connect across. Then continue to all the other categories. Some areas may be rated higher than others. This is just a visual way to indicate areas for improvement (or for growth as coaches would say). Pick an area to focus on. Which one (yes, just one) of these will improve your life with ADHD?

Coach Yourself

        1. What would it take to bring that number closer to a 10?
        2. Why is this area important to me?
        3. What impact will an 8 or a 10 in this area have?
        4. What can I do to improve in this area? (Brainstorm all ideas)
        5. What three things can I do to make a difference in this area?

Action

        1. Pick a simple, single step action to take.
        2. When will I take this action? (Put it in your planner or phone)
        3. What can I do to make this step easier?
        4. How will I reward myself at the end of the month?
Using our example from the health category, maybe I make a healthy meal plan before I go to the grocery store. Or put my workout clothes out the night before or will I take a walk at lunch time? All simple things, that are being blocked out by other less important things or the busyness of my day. If I really want that 6 to get to an 8, then it starts…..tomorrow:-) How about you? Please share your thoughts and strategies on our Facebook page.
Related Articles from the Archives:
Look Back Before You Leap Forward in 2022
Routines, Rituals and Dopamine, Oh Yeah!

What Brings Out the Magic For You?

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Not sure how it happens, but once December hits, you can feel the increased tension in the air and see it all around. I do my best to stay positive and keep my Christmas spirit up. However, some people seem to forget there are other people around them and that increased tension seems to shut down their brains Not you readers! 😊

So, this year, I am taking a hint from Cas at Clutterbug, to make a list of things that make me happy at this time of year. She called it a bucket list, but I am calling it a menu. On a menu, I can pick and choose my options and there is no competition to “eat it all.” As Cas mentions, it is easy to get “distracted” by the hustle and bustle and the list of to-dos.  That is when we miss out on the “magical” moments that the season has to offer. So, this year, let’s make a menu of the simple, no fuss things that bring us joy and then include something each day that makes us smile.

Here’s a few of my ideas to get you started. You already know the kinds of things that bring a smile to your face, so it should be easy for you to make your own list. Just be sure to add something that brings the magic to your day. Get your family involved too – everyone needs more magic.

Magic Moment Menu

      • Have a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows (spiced cider or peppermint tea, whatever you like best)
      • Drive around your town to check out the lights
      • Bake cookies in fun shapes or a gingerbread house
      • Cas’ suggestion: “do something kind for a stranger”
      • Watch Hallmark
      • If there is snow, build a snow something….(we’ve made a dragon, giant turtle, reindeer and Santa, in the past)
      • Take a walk in the woods (even better if there is some snow)
      • Read a holiday story
      • Play Christmas charades or trivia with the kids
      • Sit in the dark with only the Christmas tree on and breathe

You get the idea. Take some time to breathe and take in the magic of this time of year. It all gets done, you know it always works out, so why not take time to enjoy those little moments. They add up to some great memories.

Wishing you all the magic of this time of year no matter what holiday you celebrate.

Routines, Rituals and Dopamine, Oh Yeah!

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Rituals and routines are good habitsDo you struggle to think, problem solve or make decisions during the day? If you end up feeling overwhelmed it may be because there are just too many things swirling around in your brain. The term, “brain bandwidth” which simply means, the amount of brain resources you have in the moment, can fluctuate depending on what is going on in your life.

Think about all that your brain is responsible for behind the scenes and then it is asked to think, problem solve, and make decisions all day long too? No wonder it is always trying to “save energy” as Ed Mylett, mentions in his book, The Power of One More. We can’t create more bandwidth, but just like a computer that is slowing down, you can clear out some files to make more space.

How To Save Brain Bandwidth with Rituals

      • Create habits, routines and rituals to help
      • Reduce distractions
      • Make fewer decisions
      • Stop multi-tasking (which is really sequencing and not as effective as one thing at a time)
      • Delegate
      • Reduce your to do list
      • Let go of your phone
      • Get a good night’s sleep
      • Declutter and organize
      • Plan ahead

Let’s talk about habits. A habit (an action that has become automatic) signals your brain to go into “autopilot” mode which uses much less energy. That “automatic pilot” takes away the thought and the argument that happens when the “angel” and “devil” on your shoulders start fighting. When habits result in a positive outcome then your brain is happy. The dopamine that gets released tells your brain – this feels good, let’s do it again.

Habits when strung together become a routine. You already have routines in your life for getting up in the morning, making meals, laundry, going to bed, etc. Where’s the joy in those? No joy? Then maybe you should create a “ritual” rather than a routine.

Greg McKeown, author of, effortless (not a typo) defines a ritual as the “how” of what we do. It “infuses joy into our everyday moments.” Adding moments of joy throughout your day which lightens your day and feels good = more dopamine. He uses Marie Kondo as an example of how little rituals (like thanking that worn out pair of jeans before recycling) can add pleasure to the act of decluttering.

One ritual you may want to think about is a “Close Out the Day” ritual. A routine with added joy, pleasure, or self-care added becomes a ritual. This one ritual is a good habit that will support “future you” and save brain bandwidth also. Creating an end of the day ritual can help you start tomorrow with more focus, motivation and an early “win.”

If you are working in an office, what can you do to set yourself up for success tomorrow before leaving for home and still make it enjoyable? Same question for those of us working from home. Then getting started on your work would be as easy as “plug and play” as my friend, Alison says.

How about a ritual for the home that will create a smoother morning? Aren’t you tired of seeing dirty dishes in the morning? Creating a ritual here is a good habit to build.

We’ve mentioned before about deciding what you will eat, wear and do for tomorrow, to save decision power, but how can you add some pleasure to the process? The more pleasure = more dopamine = more brain bandwidth.

Ways to Add Pleasure to Your Ritual

      • Sitting with your favorite beverage and planning tomorrow’s big 3?
      • Take a walk
      • Spend time with your family
      • Go screen free (don’t panic, even an hour helps)
      • Read or learn something new
      • Journal
      • For some, putting the house to bed is a ritual
      • Add to a “success” list each day
      • Get up earlier so your morning isn’t rushed and enjoy a leisurely breakfast

Sometimes we think that having routines and being “pre-programmed” will be boring and take the joy out of our day. In reality, having routines for the fundamentals of your life, actually frees up brain space, which allows you to be more creative, productive, and less stressed.

A close out the day ritual the night before is a good habit to ensure you start your morning off with more decision-making power and brain bandwidth for the important things. Having routines and rituals actually gives you more freedom and energy for the significant people and priorities in your life. And isn’t that what it is all about?

Related Articles from the Archives:

Is It a Routine or a Struggle? https://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/is-it-a-routine-or-a-struggle/

Coffee and Routines? https://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/coffee-and-routines/

Top Three Challenges (and Solutions) for Back to School

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The kids are back in school. YAY! Take a moment to celebrate the start of the new school year with all its possibilities. September is often a great month for establishing new habits and routines. If you feel that the mornings are rushed or you are frustrated when it comes to homework time, then read on for some solutions to help.
Three common challenges once school begins:
Challenge 1: How do I make morning routines work so I am not guiding or coercing my children and teens every step of the way?
        • Start with a set bedtime and figure out how much time it takes your children/teens to get into bed (this helps them wake up rested)
        • Have a prep time before bed when kids put their clothes out for the next day, pack up the backpack and place it near the door and decide what they want for breakfast, lunch and/or snacks. Find the water bottle and rinse out. Charge devices in a central spot and not in the bedrooms
        • Put alarm clocks in their rooms and show them how to set the alarm for a reasonable time to wake up (we don’t want the slow movers to have to hustle – but you also don’t want too much extra time for them to get distracted)
        • Set a timer as a warning for the bus (Alexa works great for this)
        • Depending on age, create a list, picture or have a mirror for them to check that they have everything they need to be ready before they head out the door. No slippers allowed
Challenge 2: How do I get my kids to get started on their homework?
      • Everyone needs a break after school. It is a great time for a snack break and a little physical activity. Both of those things will help stir up the dopamine needed to reactivate the brain for homework. Usually, 30-45 minutes is plenty.
      • Take the time to find out how their day went while things are still fresh in their mind. Don’t try to solve their problems but show them that you are truly listening and hearing them by using reflective listening.
      • Set a specific start time for homework and have a reminder timer set so they can hear it
      • At the beginning stay close by (and pretend you are working on something) just to see if they can get themselves started or if they might need help
      • If a timer is motivating you can ask your child how long to set it for and then allow them a short 5-7 minute break when it goes off. (Set the timer for the break too)
Challenge 3: How do I get my kids to finish their homework in a reasonable amount of time?
      • Most homework subjects can be completed in 30 minutes or less so setting a timer for about the same amount of time makes it easier to take a break after one subject is completed
      • Reduce the distractions – Move the cellphone away from the work zone just enough that your teen will need to get up to check it. After a while, they will turn the notifications off and/or stop getting up to check it. That also means no TV on in the background or younger siblings making loud noises nearby. It is hard enough to concentrate on homework without wondering what they are missing out on too.
      • Don’t book an afterschool activity every day of the week. Kids need a day that they can recharge and have some fun before they hit the books.
      • If your child struggles to stay focused, think about creating a buddy study time with a friend. It works like a “body double” where they have a better chance to stay working as long as their friend is working too.
      • Timing is key. Homework done after dinner takes longer to do as the blood that should be in the brain, is busy digesting dinner in the stomach. Homework done 2+ hours after school, has interrupted that “student” mindset and can take longer to get back into the “work mode.” Ideally, within 45-60 minutes after arriving home is the best time to get focused on homework.
      • For elementary and middle school students, homework should be able to be completed by dinner. That gives the rest of the evening for R & R. When teens feel they have the entire evening, until bedtime to complete their work, they often find it takes them that long or longer. Then they wonder why it is difficult to fall asleep when their brain is still processing the last 30 minutes of work they did. Setting boundaries/limits around homework time and keeping to the same start time each day will help your children get more done in less time.

If routines, habits and homework are constant battles in your home, and you would like to increase cooperation, communication and lower the stress level in your home – then let us help. Contact us today about coaching.

Back to School and Life Edition

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Organize backpackAre you prepared for another school year? I recently looked at the list of supplies that some schools are asking for and it can easily become overwhelming – especially for the students to keep organized.

Preparedness – what does that mean? Webster defines it as, “the quality or state of being prepared.” To be prepared, means you are ready to do or deal with something. Let’s use that as our “working definition” for back to school. What does your family need to do to be prepared for back to school?

Let’s break it down into three big categories:

1. Routines

2. Organization

3. Supplies

Routines

  • Let’s start getting kids to bed earlier and waking them up around the time they will need to get up for school. Sometimes we like to use just enough time to get up and out the door and others need wake up time, time for meds to kick in or just a slow wake up – so make sure you allow enough time for whatever your kids need.
  • Morning routines are easiest if there is a set order to the actions the kids need to do and they have memorized that order. Having a list that they can check if they forget, may save you from repeating yourself (fingers crossed). Also, it is better to ask, “what do you need to do next?” instead of telling them what to do. You might want to set your alarm a bit earlier than that so you have time for yourself to get ready or enjoy that first cup of coffee.
  • A homework routine that begins around the same time every day and a space to do it in. Doesn’t matter where it is, but it should have access to supplies they might need so there are fewer distractions. Minimize distractions and be sure to have a homework buddy your kids can call for help. This is a great time for you to “body double” with kids that have a hard time getting started on their work. Use this time to deal with your paperwork within sight of where your kids are working. Kids can create their own homework routine in our Super Skills for Students Class for Middle and High School students.
  • Set up for tomorrow including setting clothes out each evening, repacking backpacks and putting them near the door. Figure out what is for snack and/or lunch and breakfast. Make sure ice packs are back in the freezer. Are you heading to work? Pack up what you need and make the decisions tonight rather than in the morning.
  • Weekly clean out routine on Sunday as you prep for the week ahead. Everyone needs to know what is going on in the next week and having a family meeting can help. A good time to clean out your pocketbook, backpack or bag and maybe a quick check of the car too – how’s the gas level?

  Organization

  • Key organization tips are to have a landing pad near the door where backpacks, jackets and shoes can be left the night before. Good place for your keys, bag and anything leaving the house.
  • Set up the bedrooms so that kids can easily find their clothes. All clothes should fit into storage whether that is on a shelf, in a bin or basket or in a drawer or closet. The easier to grab, the more likely they will. Too many clothes can often make it difficult to make a decision – help them put together 5 outfits for the week and use a sweater hanger in a closet. Hooks are very handy for sweatshirts, sweaters, etc.
  • Calendars with the schedule of activities, where everyone can see it and it can be reviewed for those kids that don’t like surprises. Advance notice of what is coming up each week and reminders or a visual schedule in a place to be easily seen. Talk about the upcoming year – listen to your child’s concerns and take them seriously. Visit the school if they are switching to a new building – make sure they know where the cafeteria is and the bathrooms on each floor and the fastest way to their locker.
  • Make sure all supplies fit EASILY into the backpack – kids will not fuss with lunchboxes they need to stuff into their backpacks – they are more likely to leave them somewhere. They do not need to take the entire package of #2 pencils with them. Keep the reserves at home along with extra paper, project board, markers, etc. that might be needed for a project. That will save you a trip to the store at the last minute.
  • Charging all devices in one spot each night.
  • Write down the necessary passwords and log in steps for accessing grades and homework as well as, remote learning if needed and have your children do the same (get a copy of those).

 Supplies

  • When buying supplies don’t look for the cheapest, but look for the most durable. Kids are rough on their supplies, especially binders. The binders should open easily with one hand, not two and be no bigger than 1.5 inches (it can hold 350 pages)any bigger and it is difficult to fit into the backpack and it weighs more. Backpacks should not weigh more than 10% of your child’s weight.
  • Food – Breakfast ideas that kids can prepare for themselves or make ahead ideas to easily grab.
  • Have handy snacks, drinks, and lunch supplies or set up the school account (have reserves of their favorites)
  • Medications for colds and flu, and also covid tests, to have on hand. Masks too, just in case we revert back.

Celebrate by taking a picture before they head out. (Taking an “after” pic might also be memorable.) At the end of the day, celebrate by doing something special but keep it low key as they will be tired. For kids, it is like starting a new job, there are a lot of unknowns but it is also a fresh start and the opportunity to shine. Keeping the stress level down in the home can make it a smoother year. Good luck!

PS Other articles from our Archives you might find helpful

5 Things Your Child Needs to Know Before School Starts

Change Your Mindset – Raise Your Self-Esteem

Five Super Strategies to Knockout Stress

Helping or Hurting? The Dilemma of Enabling vs. Empowering