ADHD

Secrets to Helping Kids with ADHD

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ADHD signsADHD, is it a superpower or kryptonite at home or at school? The truth is, it is probably both depending on the situation. All students want to learn, they often feel a great deal of pressure to “learn” and be able to show that learning when it is called for. How can you help your child learn to use their ADHD as a superpower and minimize the effects of kryptonite? Here are three ways to ensure better outcomes.

ADHD and the Brain

    1. Understand that ADHD is a chemical imbalance in the brain. That means that without enough dopamine and other neurotransmitter chemicals, messages are disrupted on their way from one side of the brain to the other. When everything is working the messages make it, but often they make it half way or more likely, they vanish – sometimes temporarily and other times, without a trace – forgotten.

Probable causes: interruptions, distractions or brain and body are trying to make their needs known. Working memory is responsible for holding onto all the information we need at the time to complete a task or solve a problem. When it is working at capacity and something or someone interrupts, something has to go. Sometimes it is easy to get it back and other times, your child has to start back at the beginning adding more time and stress to whatever they were doing.

When an ADHD brain is hungry, thirsty, tired or fidgety, it is best to stop and give it what it needs. The brain is always monitoring and sends out signals to get noticed until the problem is resolved.

Suggestions: Make sure your child or teen gets enough sleep, eats healthy, is active and has a snack with protein before beginning homework. Praise their effort. Remove distractions that you can and save your questions for later.

2. Impulsivity is often a kryptonite side effect of ADHD. It is like the pause button is broken, or that little voice in your head that warns you before you get in trouble or hurt, is asleep. I have also heard that it is a way the brain seeks out more stimulus because it is feeling like it doesn’t have enough. Impulse control is an executive function that isn’t fully developed until age 25, yet we ask children to control it long before then. Whatever the reasons, kids need a way to help themselves before they get in trouble.

Suggestions: One way to separate the impulsivity from the child is to call it something. Give it a name that you can refer to that separates it from your child’s sense of self. (Ex. The Cracken, Kevin (from the movie UP, Wacko Willy, etc.) Use humor when they show up and discuss what else Wacko Willy might have done instead.

Set clear expectations on behaviors before going somewhere. Make sure your child has a fidget in their pocket and use this 3-step model taken from Sarah Ward called: Stop, Think, Act.

When you notice emotions are building up, your child needs to: Stop (Take a few breaths, walk away, go outside, or chill in their room). Then have them think what started that, or what happened right before they got upset? Now, problem solve and brainstorm ideas that are more appropriate and use them to act next time.

3. Motivation is a challenge. An ADHD brain struggles with tasks that are boring, complex or difficult. If you are trying to motivate your child to complete something that falls under one of those categories, it may be as frustrating for you as it is for them. No one wants to mess up but, often those with ADHD are seen as messing up more often than their peers. The most common ways teachers and parents try to motivate is to take-away privileges. Or promising rewards so far in the future that the child feels they will never get it anyway. Rewards or punishments have little effect other than making children feel “bad” about themselves. This causes the brain to become stressed and a stressed brain cannot think clearly. That seems like a no-win situation.

Suggestions: According to Additude Magazine, “When you praise your child, it creates dopamine — the neurotransmitter his or her brain lacks, which causes the ADHD symptoms — and the dopamine helps to better control behavior. So, he or she can do more wonderful tomorrow.”  Increase the positive/negative ratio as it takes 3-5 positives to outweigh 1 negative.

Learning happens when students are willing to learn, and have strategies that work for them. However, most important is that they feel good about themselves. So, use lots of praise (about their effort), humor and help them understand how they learn best. If school is a positive experience, then their superpower may one day make the world a better place.

Want to learn more strategies to help your child or teen succeed with ADHD? Then join our next Thriving with ADHD in the Family Parent Class.

Are You on Santa’s Stressed List?

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Santa's Stessed ListStress. It’s a word we hear every day and I am sure it means different things to each of us (including our kids). The World Health Organization defines stress as, “a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. It is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats to our lives.”  Back in the “early” days, stress was meant to protect us from the dangers out in the world and keep us safe. These days it feels more like a byproduct of our everyday lives. Even the general pace of our society can sometimes (no, probably often at this time of year) feel like it is going too fast for us to process and is one stressful event after another.

Just to be clear, I am talking about the stress we bring on ourselves – the temporary type* that can often be mitigated if we had the ability for “do-overs.” Think about the last time you stopped and realized you were feeling overly stressed. What happened just before that?

Common Stressors:

      • Did you say, “yes” to one or ten more things you knew you didn’t have time for?
      • Or did you forget something important and then had to scramble to make it right?
      • Did you lose something important?
      • Were you late for an appointment?
      • Did you stay up later than you knew you should?

All of these, and many more can increase your stress level. Imagine if you could rewind time and try again. Would you be able to identify what got in the way and caused your stress and then be able to prevent it (or at least reduce its impact)? What would that feel like?

Now figure out what you can do to get that feeling.

What ideas did you come up with? I know you are in the mad, almost the holidays rush but, maybe you can make some notes for next year.  Trust me, your “future self” will thank you if you leave some hints and actions to take to manage your stress level.

Here are some ideas to think about:

      • Get more sleep (dark rooms, lowering lights in the evening and using lamps not overheads)
      • Exercise
      • Build a self-care toolbox of things that help recharge you and schedule time in for you
      • Create routines that work for you and the family
      • Limit changes to plans at the last minute – it is okay to say “no”
      • Feeling prepared helps melt stress so make a realistic plan and then work it
      • Smart tech use – sure the dopamine hit feels good at the time but then that time is gone
      • No negative self-talk – your brain believes what it hears
      • Declutter the things you no longer need and that only interfere with you being able to find what you need quickly
      • Lastly, organize your spaces. Where is the logical spot for that? Where would a hook work for your keys? What would make your life easier and save you time? Add that to your to do list.

When you understand you have options, you can take action. Even baby steps in the right direction, will still get you there.

Four Productivity Hacks for an ADHD Brain

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ADHD signsOctober is National ADHD Awareness Month and so in tribute, let’s bring some awareness to how ADHD can interfere in your life and what you can do about it. First of all, ADHD or its side effects, has nothing to do with intelligence. It has a neurobiological (read chemical) basis related to the neurotransmitter hormone levels in your brain. Those chemicals are responsible for transmitting messages from one side of the brain to the other. Sometimes they complete their mission and sometimes you forget part or all of that previous thought.

ADHD is often related to weaknesses in Executive Function skills. Those are the processes that are the last to fully develop and are in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. It’s interesting that those EFs (task initiation, inhibit, monitor, planning/organization, working memory, organization of materials, cognitive and behavioral shift and task completion) are necessary for completing most projects (and homework too).

It’s easy to see how difficulty planning can cause us to work harder and longer than we really need to simply because our plan is not the most efficient or cohesive. When that happens, we also may have difficulty getting started, and then watch out when our emotions take over. Can we notice how things are going or do we just jump up and go do something else? When a simple shift in our method, environment or state of mind or body may be all that is needed to stay focused.

An ADHD brain often finds it difficult to persist through boring, complex or difficult tasks as it prefers creative, interesting and fun projects – who doesn’t? When faced with this dilemma, it will seek out stimulation that it prefers and that’s where distractibility comes in. The brain is searching for something to make it “happy” and so it distracts us. Once distracted, since we weren’t monitoring the situation, it is challenging to regain control (inhibit our response) and all that we were holding in our working memory may be forgotten. Thus, adding more time to a task we didn’t want to do in the first place. Making it impossible to complete the task.

So, often it is the brain that is interfering in our ability to complete tasks and not our intelligence, age or state of overwhelm (although that has its own issues). Knowing that, we can be on the lookout for signs and use strategies and routines to mitigate its impact.

Brain and Body Check

First, we want to be sure our brain has everything it needs to be happy. The brain is continually sensing and responding to variations from the norm so it needs to have certain things like food, water, sleep, and safety to begin with. I would also add that stress can impact the brain as well. The higher the stress the less the brain can think and it sets off the fear alarms. Do what you can to be sure the brain and body have what they need and anticipate any needs that may come up while you are working.

Find What Helps Your ADHD Brain Focus

Check around you. Is your environment filled with distractions? Are there any changes you can make to reduce the irritating distractions and include some more helpful ones? Remove the clutter, face away from the window, turn off the TV, add some music, maybe add a few photos that make you smile or a small plant for some fresh oxygen. Read a previous post called Hack Your Workspace for more helpful tips.

Make A Plan

I confess, I am a paper planner (with digital backup) enthusiast. It doesn’t matter if you prefer a notebook, planner, digital calendar, master task list or a spreadsheet but you need to find a way to hold onto the tasks, appointments and ideas that are important to you. If you ask your brain to hold that info, it can hold 5-7 things until something distracts it and your working memory deletes it all. I am sure your task list is longer than 7 items. (The master task list that is….not the plan for today.) Whether you like to plan your day the night before or just start fresh in the morning – here are three questions to ask yourself.

  1. What are my 3 priorities for today?
  2. How much time do I have to spend on each?
  3. Where can I schedule the time to work on each into my day? (Taking into account my energy levels and other commitments in the day)

Work the Plan

Now that you took the time to make the plan, respect it. Don’t ignore the timeframes, if you scheduled a task for a specific time, do it then. Do not wait until you “feel” like it – because that rarely (if ever) happens. In fact, if you are easily distracted, you may want to set an alarm for 15 minutes. Then check in with yourself that you are still focused on the task.

Each task should be a single step and you may have several for each project. If you think about what the end needs to look like, you can easily work backwards to get the individual tasks that need to happen. Each project has a beginning, middle and ending, all the way to the clean up of any materials you used and other completion tasks.

Adults may be able to maintain focus for about 90 minutes, but if that is not you then be sure to break your “on task” time into manageable blocks and take breaks in between. The Pomodoro method uses 25-minute work blocks and a 5-minute break in between. After 4-Pomodoros, a longer break is encouraged. You can see how it works by joining our Work it Wednesday Focus group Wednesdays at 10am ET.

Whenever you stop working for the day, take the time to “close out the day.” That means leave a note of where to pick up tomorrow. Figure out your priorities for tomorrow and any responsibilities you may have at specific times. Check off what you completed. Savor the moment. That’s right, too often we don’t take time to appreciate and congratulate ourselves on what we did accomplish. A “done list” really helps us see our successes and can be motivating too. Clear off your workspace and set it up for tomorrow.

Work with your brain and your energy levels by frequently checking in with yourself. Take time to reward yourself and recharge your batteries. There will always be more to do, just make sure it is worthy of your time and effort.

Embracing Change – Are You Ready?

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Transitions, a time for changeI have a love/hate relationship with August, how about you? On the one hand it signifies the ending of the summer (hate) and the transition to cooler weather (which I am welcoming after the hot, hazy, and humid, summer we have had in the northeast – love) but also that transition back to “normal”. Normal as in back to school for the kids and back to your more typical routine and schedule if your schedule has been different during the summer. Do you embrace change or try to run from it?

Transitions

These transitions, are a normal part of life, and can elicit both excitement and/or fear and anything in between. Excitement, even though it is for something good, (new home, job, baby) can often bring up fears from the past. The most common fears are the fear of the unknown, the fear of repeating past failures, or self-doubt in your abilities, all of which can increase your stress level.

Through coaching, many of my clients have been able to focus on the things they can control, rather than the fears that they really have no control over. They can begin to embrace change with a more positive outlook, and see it as an opportunity for growth and learning. This increased belief in themselves also builds their resilience and develops their agency.

How to Navigate a Transition

Let’s focus on the things you do have control over. This goes for your children as well. Many of them may experience the same fears as mentioned based on last years’ school experience. Moving to a new school can also bring out the fear of the unknown and some self-doubt about their abilities. These fears, whether realistic or not, should still be accepted rather than dismissed. Together you can explore them more thoroughly to see if they are based in reality or not. Using yourself as an example can help your children see that questioning our abilities is natural, but that by being proactive we can build those skills needed to feel more in control.

Navigating Transitions

    • Set clear goals – what do you want from this change? How can you turn it into a positive rather than focusing on the negative? Now figure out what you need to do, have or be to get that? Break it down into small manageable steps so that you can see the path to get there.
    • Prepare ahead – if this transition involves a change in schedule, start now to practice. Does your bedtime need to change? Start setting an alarm to get up at the time you will need to. (This is also good to get kids in the habit of getting up – on their own).
    • Organize your environment – can you find what you need, when you need it (quickly)? Is your home easy to navigate or do you need to clear the table off before you can eat there? Are you using up energy moving things, or searching for things? Take some time before the transition to help “future you” feel more in control. How about your child’s study space: where is it and is it organized and distraction free?
    • Create routines – routines provide structure to your day and help to take some of the strain off of your brain as they become automatic. We all learned how important structure is during the pandemic when it all went away. Routines save brain bandwidth and decision-making power to be used for more important things in your day. Creating morning, evening and homework routines for the whole family, sets clear expectations and helps your children develop agency and independence.
    • Manage Time/Self – We can’t really “manage” time but we can become more aware of it and how we use it or waste it. Do you often feel like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it? Take a look and see what is getting in the way. Are you forgetting things because they were not written down or you lost the sticky it was on? Then maybe it is time to create a new system that will work for you. Planners, phones, index cards, notebooks, mind maps, or bullet journals, it doesn’t matter as long as you will use it. We can no longer keep our to do list in our heads (even though it should only have 3-5 tasks on it). One distraction can erase it from our working memory. You need something that works for today, but also something that holds your tasks, thoughts and ideas that are not for today. Ways to manage your tasks can be batching similar tasks together, using a Pomodoro technique approach, delegating or delaying. Lastly, managing your distractions, keeping an eye on an analog clock, and focusing on one priority at a time can help you get more of the important things done.
    • Cultivate Resources – Making sure you have resources for support and help as well as, resources that help you relax and reduce stress. What are the activities that recharge you? How can you use these resources for this new transition? Who can help you when you are feeling overwhelmed, are stuck or don’t understand something? Create a list for these as in the moment, it can be difficult to come up with something that will help.
    • Celebrate – We often focus on the negative, like those things we didn’t get done, rather than taking time to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. Take time and rejoice in your achievements and how you handled the transition and it may just increase your motivation and confidence for what’s next.

These seven steps can help make any transition easier because they help “future you” be less stressed and feel more in control. Help your children with these steps as they get ready for a new start this fall. You can make this your family’s best year yet!

5 Steps to a Summer with Intention

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Summer of intention at the beachIt’s summer at last! Let’s take advantage of all that summer has to offer by being more purposeful and deliberate about how we chose to use our time and energy. Here are five steps to help you have a summer of intention and make great memories too.

    1. First, figure out what is important to you and your family. What interests, experiences or goals would you like to have or do this summer? Brainstorm without censoring so you can pick the most important ones.
    1. Set goals that are measurable, so you will actually know if you achieve them. Whether you want to learn a new skill, work on a hobby or go on vacation somewhere, decide what is the endgame?
    1. Since “a goal without a plan is just a wish” as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said in his book, The Little Prince, you’ll need to create a plan for reaching those goals. Start by breaking down each goal into manageable steps then either create a routine or some structure in your day for working on the steps.

A summer plan is designed to change up the hectic routine and add some open time to enjoy the things that are meaningful to you and also make time to be spontaneous. Explore, try new activities, and take time to do nothing, whatever helps you to recharge.

    1. Next, look at your schedule to see where you can squeeze in summer. Is your vacation already planned? If not, that should be your first priority. We all have the same 168 hours per week, how are you using yours?

Are there any weekly or monthly activities that you can cut down on or bow out of for the summer? Do you have projects you can put on hold? Can you cut down or reduce the stress of those projects by letting go, delaying, picking one day a week or month to work on it or chipping away 20-30 minutes a day at it? Do whatever works for you.

Could you get up an hour earlier? Ease up on the hectic pace and change the routine to see if you can’t gain an hour or two a day for yourself. Block out some time in your planner then if something comes up it will be easier for you to say “No, I am sorry I already have a commitment on that day.” Don’t have a big block of time?

Add some spontaneous, (intentional summer) fun during the week such as:

  • breakfast on the deck
  • lunch at the park
  • a picnic dinner at the beach
  • read for 30 minutes in the hammock
  • camp out in your own backyard
  • Stargazing
  • walking the beach at night
  • riding your bike around the neighborhood

You get the idea. These are the spontaneous activities that only take a few extra minutes to do. Sometimes when we try to think of what to do in the moment, we struggle to think of ideas that aren’t really obvious. Here’s where having a list of activities and ideas that you have thought of before can make deciding so much easier. (It’s helpful for kids to come up with their own lists for when you hear the inevitable, “I’m bored!”) CHADD has an article with tips on helping your kids transition from school to summer. Read it here.

    1. Practice self-care. The summer is a great time to think about your health. Physical health; do you want to be more active, need to add more fresh, nutritious foods into your diet and/or do you need to get more sleep? Don’t forget your mental health too. What helps you recharge and/or reduce your stress? Want to start meditating, journaling or start a new hobby? Whatever it is, the summer is a great time to begin.

A summer with intention is about finding the balance between setting and working towards goals and being spontaneous. Allow yourself to embrace spontaneity and enjoy the summer season, while still staying true to your intentions. Wishing you an intentional, fun and spontaneous summer!

Put More Summer in Your Life

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summer funAhhh, the lazy, hazy days of summer are finally here. Now is the time to create a summer plan that will put more summer into your life. Working five days a week, we tend to cram all our summer fun into the weekends. A summer plan is designed to change the routine and add some time to be spontaneous. Being spontaneous applies to what happens naturally rather than being planned or influenced by external forces and the summer is the perfect time for it.

First you will need to take a look at your schedule to see where you can squeeze in summer. I hope you have a vacation already planned, if not, that should be your first priority. We all have the same 168 hours per week how are you using yours? Are there any weekly or monthly activities that you can cut down or put on hold? Could you get up an hour earlier now that the early mornings are bright? Ease up on the hectic pace and change the routine to see if you can’t gain an hour or two a day for yourself. Block out some time in your planner then if something comes up it will be easier for you to say “No, I am sorry I already have a commitment on that day.”

Just by changing your routine and easing up on some things your attitude will change.

Next add some summer fun during the week such as;

  • breakfast on the deck
  • lunch at the park
  • a picnic dinner at the beach
  • read for 30 minutes in the hammock
  • or camp out in your own backyard with s’mores over the barbecue
  • Stargazing, walking the beach at night
  • riding your bike around the neighborhood are all activities that get you outside in the good weather

Be creative and look for other opportunities to add summer fun to your life and maybe it won’t seem so short this year.

Serendipity, according to dictionary.com, means “good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries.” I wish you a serendipitous summer!

School’s Out – Preventing the Summer Slide

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summer learningTeachers talk about the summer slide all the time. That downhill slope that learning often takes during the summer months. We all lose some level of skill when we don’t keep using it. For students, the summer slide can set them back a month or more having to review what they have already learned.

Now, I am not talking about the facts they have memorized, but the process of being able to figure things out through understanding themselves and problem solving. In other words, thinking about how they think or metacognition. This is the real skill they need when it comes to learning.

So, what you can you do this summer to help minimize that summer slide?

    • Keep them reading. Find books that they are interested in (not just the ones on their summer reading list) and set aside some time each day for reading. After lunch, after dinner or before bed are great times and even better if you are able to read at that time too. Don’t forget to ask them about what they have read.
    • Going to camp or on outings? Let your children plan what they need, figure out the route or buy the snacks. Any way that you can get them thinking about how to approach the task of being ready is helpful. What have they done in the past that is similar to this and how can that help?
    • Take a walk in the woods, go geocaching, identify birds, flowers, rocks and trees. Get outside and play. Visit the tourist sites near you. What will they be studying next year? Is there an historic site that relates? Take in a museum or zoo.
    • Teach and/or reinforce skills through baking snacks, helping with meal prep, doing their own laundry, organizing their room, and/or writing a grocery list or their daily plan. Create a menu of fun activities they want to do. It is easier to check the menu than to come up with something to do in the moment. Do they want to learn something new or improve a skill?
    • Weekly (or more) game night. Play games that use math and reading but also keeps their “playing with others” skills active. Building with legos – have a competition. Puzzles too.
    • Keep some structure in their day. Kids thrive when they know what to expect. Having morning, mid-day and evening routines can break up the day and make it easier for them to switch activities or come up with new ones. Try a 30 minute “quiet time” after lunch. It works great if you want to swim after lunch but really should wait a bit. It’s a great time for reading, doing puzzles, word searches, or reinforcing weak skills through activities (although I am not a fan of the worksheets), things like math war, or memory games and even flashcards help.

Learning is a process and it takes time.

So, start small and scaffold things where you start with lots of help and then less help as they become more capable. Focus on the process of learning and not the outcome. Keep a growth mindset in mind where they are capable with effort even if they can’t do it “yet.” Allow choices it fosters ownership. Reflecting on what they have done leads to metacognition so be sure to use some of their successes to remind them when they are struggling.

Lastly, and most importantly, it is so easy to supply solutions to children’s statements and complaints like: “I’m hungry” or “Where is my bike”, or “I’m bored,” but when you do, you take away the opportunity to develop problem solving skills and encourage independence. (Also developing agency).

Encouraging your children to problem solve with your help and building on their confidence develops agency. Isn’t the goal to raise lifelong, independent learners with the confidence to handle anything? And, it can be fun!

Developing Agency Leads to Independence

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Celebrating agency up high on a mountainThe word “agency” keeps popping up in articles I read or podcasts I listen to so I thought I would look a bit deeper into it. Hope you find it helpful.

Agency is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “the ability to take action or to choose what action to take.” It is the belief that you have control over your choices and can affect change through the choices you make. How often do you feel that you have an impact on your life through the decisions and choices you make? So, what is agency?

Without Agency

  • Unclear goals
  • Emotions drive beliefs (whether true or not)
  • Indecision
  • Fear of Failure
  • Lack of confidence in your abilities

With Agency

  • Growth mindset (you believe you can do it, maybe just not “yet”)
  • Metacognition (you think about your thinking)
  • See learning as a process and yourself as a learner
  • Self-efficacy (belief in your abilities)
  • Ask open ended questions to problem solve

Agency isn’t just important for adults, but also for children to develop. Students have been through a lot of changes over the last three years and most of them adapted quite well. Some did not do well with the challenges and the constant changes. What do you think makes the difference, between a student who is resilient and adapts quickly and those that become more needy and less capable? Is it fear of failure, lack of confidence, or learned helplessness that interferes with a child’s development of agency?

Opportunities to problem solve and figure out what steps to take next have been replaced with the answers and solutions in order to save time (Ex. Study guides instead of study skills). Think about it, when was the last time your child came to you with a problem and you told them what to do? You may have missed an opportunity to help them develop agency and confidence in their own abilities.

I was surprised to read this article that discussed the increase in a child’s anxieties when you constantly solve their problems for them or make accommodations to diminish their fears. This line jumped out at me. “Kids look to their parents to see who they are, Dr. Leibowitz notes. So, when parents reflect back to them that they are helpless in the face of anxiety, and need to be protected, that’s what kids learn to feel about themselves.” That goes for problem solving too. They question their own abilities and instead rely on a parent or teacher to “save” them.

Learning is a Process

  • It takes time
  • Start small and scaffold with help
  • Focus on the process not the outcome
  • Allow choices – develops ownership
  • Self-reflection leads to metacognition
  • Growth mindset (capable with effort)
  • Leads to self-efficacy (belief in your abilities)
  • Which then leads to agency – knowing you can impact your life through the decisions and choices you make

Encouraging your children to problem solve with your help and building on their confidence develops agency. Isn’t the goal to raise lifelong learners with the confidence to handle anything that comes their way (depending on age of course)?

As an adult, you know yourself best and should keep that in mind when solving a problem or developing a strategy that will work for the way you think. We can’t always predict what success will look like so designing an “experiment” gives an opportunity to try things out without fear of failure. Make sure to think about what could get in the way of your success. Thinking about possible obstacles and then creating a plan for them, helps ensure greater success of your experiment. Each experiment provides more data (more clues as to what will work) even if you don’t get there on the first try.

Each experiment whether successful or not helps you learn more about who you are and who you want to be. It builds on your strengths and helps you find strategies you can use in other instances. This builds your “toolbox” that you can use in other situations. In the end, we don’t set the goals or do the tasks for the “fun” of crossing them off the list, we do them to show ourselves we are capable and in control of ourselves and our actions – and that develops agency.

If you’d like to learn more about helping your children develop agency, then join our Thriving with ADHD in the Family Parent Class starting Thursday, April 27th, 2023 at 7pm ET via Zoom.

What’s In Your Closet?

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Caveman ClosetI wonder who invented or designed the first closet. Maybe Mrs. Caveman got tired of tripping over Mr. Caveman’s club again and hid it behind a rock. Whatever the reason, closets can be either a black hole or a great tool for organizing. This month in celebration of Clean Out Your Closet Week, we are tackling the coat closet.

Pick the closet you use most often, it is usually closest to the door you use daily. First step of organizing is always sort.  You can start with sorting the outerwear by season and/or owner. If possible take it out of the closet and sort it so you can actually see how much each person has. As the winter winds down you can see which coats and accessories still fit your child and which will not make it through another season. Decide which coats are regularly worn and which do not fit or are in poor condition. Donate those that you can and store the out of season ones. Do the same for the accessories such as, scarves, hats, gloves and shoes. Take everything else out of the closet and decide if it needs to be stored elsewhere or if it will remain in that closet. (If you do not have a closet near the door that you use most often, try to find a space to put up hooks for jackets and baskets for the other extras for each member of the family.)

Next, look at ways to utilize vertical space. Can you add another shelf? Often the top shelf leaves a lot of unused space up to the ceiling. Add another shelf there and although it will be harder to reach, it makes good use of that space near the ceiling for plastic (labeled) bins for seasonal or seldom used items. A basic shoe rack can double as a removable shelf and shelf dividers can keep things separated. Can you add another rod? Adding a rod off of the existing rod creates a lower rod for children to use at their height. Just remember to leave some space for full length items (if you have any). Sometimes closet space is actually hidden behind the wall of the closet and is difficult to use. If it is 10 inches or deeper, you might want to add some shelves or hooks for easy hang up.

If you like things to be “put away” then you may want to use part of this closet area as a “landing pad.” Use separate baskets, bins or shelves for each family member to store their accessories (hats, gloves, etc.) and backpacks. For young children make sure there are hooks or a rod low enough for them to hang up their own coat and a bin low enough for their mittens, ski pants, backpacks and hats. The fewer steps it takes children to put their things away, the more likely it is that they will do it. Walk them through what you want them to do as they come in the door and for younger children, also add a picture list of the steps to help them create the habit.

Now put everything back into the closet grouped in a way that works for your family whether it be by owner, type of jacket or color – the choice is yours. Make it functional and no one will ask – What’s in your closet?

Got questions? Leave them in the comments box….I’d love to hear from you.

Are We REALLY in Control?

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Life out of controlDo you ever feel like your life is a constant juggling act and that if one more thing comes at you, you’ll lose control?

When that happens, it can make us feel “out of control.” It isn’t just that one thing that causes you to drop the ball, but a combination of things. It is different for everyone but ask yourself, is it too many to-dos and not enough time? Or is it disorganization, weak boundaries (read, can’t say no) or unrealistic expectations of yourself or others?

The causes and the solutions are different for everyone. So, if you are looking for solutions to get back that feeling of control for yourself, a coach approach can provide the structure to get you the answers you need.

What is the Outcome You Want, to Feel in Control Again?

Imagine your life without this challenge – what does that look like? If you’re an adult with ADHD, how is ADHD showing up or impacting this situation? Just becoming aware of what is interfering with your ability to get to that outcome is the first step. A coach can help you explore that in a safe, non-judgmental and supportive way. They can help you narrow down your focus to one piece of the puzzle. In our example, maybe it is unrealistic expectations of yourself. Even Wonder Woman has her limits.

What Can You Do to Control The Outcome?

Brainstorm ideas and strategies keeping in mind there is no ONE right answer. You know yourself best and need to keep that in mind so that your strategy will work for the way you think. We can’t always predict what success will look like so designing an “experiment” gives an opportunity to try things out without fear of failure. Each experiment provides more data (more clues as to what will work) even if you don’t get there on the first try. Be clear on what you are committing to doing and how you will measure if it is successful or not. In a coaching relationship, you can ask the coach to hold you accountable for whatever actions you want to do.

Anything that Could Interfere with Your Plan?

A coach wants you to succeed but the responsibility is all yours as they are not attached to the outcome. You won’t be able to predict if your experiment is going to work or not but you can check to make sure there is time in your calendar to work on the experiment. Do you have everything you need to complete the experiment? When/If this works what will you learn about yourself?

Who Do You Want to Be?

Each experiment whether successful or not helps you learn more about who you are and who you want to be. It builds on your strengths and helps you find strategies you can use in other instances. In the end, we don’t do the tasks for the “fun” of crossing them off the list, we do them to show ourselves we are capable and in control of the outcome and of ourselves and our actions.

Now what can you do to take back your control?

If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help you reach the outcomes you dream of, then let’s set up a 20-minute zoom call to chat. Email me here: laine@thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com