The simple answer is NO! Homework does NOT have to be a battle.
The purpose of homework is to help reinforce the learning from class. It is also to encourage responsibility, independence, the development of time management skills (which are really self-regulation skills) and practicing problem solving strategies. Sounds great, is that what is happening in your home?
Or are there tears, tantrums, yelling, defiance and meltdowns? Or maybe it’s bribes, rewards or threats of losing what they hold most dear. What’s a parent to do if the kids are just not motivated to get started on their homework?
Where’s the Motivation?
Motivation is a challenge. An ADHD brain struggles with tasks that are boring, complex or difficult. If you are trying to motivate your child to complete something that falls under one of those categories, (like some homework) it may be as frustrating for you as it is for them.
“Motivation is a set of habits and routines, guided by your values and your identity, that you carry out every day.” “When you combine purpose, energy and small simple steps, you get sustainable motivation.” says Jim Kwik, author of Limitless. Are you ready to change this?
How to Make Homework Less of a Battle
Create some structure – the school day is very structured. Students know what is happening each day and at what times. There are routines in the classroom that are followed and the expectations are clear.
James Clear (of Atomic Habits fame) says, the smaller the step, the more likely you will be motivated to do it. He also suggests that you schedule when you will work on it because you are more likely to work on something that has been scheduled rather than waiting until you feel motivated to work on it. Waiting for that feeling – rarely happens but you can help encourage motivation by setting up a routine that tells the brain it is time to get working on “x”. Clear calls it a “pregame routine” where it starts a series of motions that are simple to do but moves you in the direction of actually working on whatever it is. We’ll call it the “pre-homework routine.”
Pre-Homework Routine
At home, there should be clear expectations, structure and routines as well. Starting with what happens when they come home from school. Decide together what is the littlest thing they can do? For some that might be closing the door – others it might be taking the lunch box out of the backpack and putting it in the kitchen. Baby steps to start and then:
- A protein snack will help recharge their tired brain
- Taking 30-45 minutes of downtime (especially outdoors) will help to reenergize them.
- Screens are a distraction and a time suck, so should be avoided until after the homework is done.
Homework is your child or teen’s “job” – they are accountable to their teacher, but more importantly to themselves. If they don’t do the work, they will get the zero. If they are not motivated by grades, just keep showing them the grade portal and the impact of each zero. No one really wants to fail. Sometimes, all the fuss is not about starting the homework at all. Sometimes, they are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated or even confused. They might be looking for your attention or trying to manipulate you into letting them disrupt the routine. Try to understand what is really bothering them. Offer some options, show empathy and encourage them but don’t let them manipulate you into postponing the homework routine.
- Set a “homework time” to begin each day after their initial break. They can take short 5-minute breaks after each 25 minutes of work time (depending on age).
- Designate a desk, table or counter as the homework zone and make sure it is clear and relatively distraction free. Check the chair and the lighting and put an analog clock within view.
- If they choose not to work during that time, make it clear there will be no homework being done after a specific time. They need to have time to “chill out” between homework and bedtime.
The role of the parent, just like the teacher, is to set clear expectations around the homework routine and process. You are helping them create habits that will serve them their whole life.
- Encourage independence but be available to guide them to their own solutions when stuck. Don’t provide answers.
- Keep it positive. Praise their effort and persistence rather than their intelligence or skill. According to ADDitude Magazine, “When you praise your child, it creates dopamine — the neurotransmitter his or her brain lacks, which causes the ADHD symptoms— and the dopamine helps them to better control behavior. So, he or she can do more wonderful tomorrow.” It also helps to increase the positive/negative ratio. Do you know that it takes 3-5 positives to offset 1 negative comment?
- Check on them occasionally but don’t interrupt them unless they are clearly distracted. Each interruption adds more time to regain their focus.
- Be consistent as much as possible. Use a calendar that everyone can see and let the kids know what is coming up.
- Each week, help them “reorganize” themselves by cleaning out their backpack, checking the agenda for what is coming up and depending on their age, making sure they have clothes for the week or have them do their laundry.
It will take longer than you think for the homework routine to become mostly automatic. Use a timer or something that lets everyone know it is time for it to start and stick with it. Creating routines reduces the stress of not knowing what to do next, helps a struggling working memory and best of all takes the battle out of the homework.
Learning happens when students are willing to learn, and have strategies that work for them like a homework routine. However, most important is that they feel good about themselves. So, use lots of praise (about their effort), humor and help them understand how they learn best. If school is a positive experience, then their superpower may one day make the world a better place.