Laine

Building Independence Skills in Children and Teens with ADHD

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Independence Skills for ADHDLiving and functioning with ADHD is not easy. ADHD is a chemical imbalance in the brain of the neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin which can make getting things done difficult. There is also a well-documented lag in developmental skills (especially executive function skills) of about three to five years in students with ADHD. Imagine trying to be a 15-year-old with the skills of a ten or twelve-year-old? Those skills are often things like; the ability to plan things out from start to finish, organization of thoughts and materials, remembering with a weak working memory, emotional control, and knowing when behavior or thoughts need to change which is called cognitive and behavioral shift and focus. Definitely skills needed for homework and life.

Do they ever catch up? Sometimes, but often they have already established their own way of doing things, formed “bad/ineffective” habits or have just given up and no longer feel good about themselves.

Breaking the Cycle of Dependence

If you’d like your child or teen to develop more independence, then first you’ll need to take a look at how you are “helping” your child or teen get things done. Do you often remind them of the next thing they need to do to get ready? “Did you brush your teeth? Where are your shoes?” When you provide the next step by telling them what they need to do, they do not have to think about it. They just have to wait long enough for you to notice that they are ready for the next step. Your child or teen is dependent on you providing the information that they should be doing for themselves. (Read “Are you Enabling or Empowering Your Child?” here.)

So, instead:

      • Ask questions, don’t tell them what to do (Ask, “What do you need to do next?”)
      • Help them develop their internal monologue by asking themselves questions (yes, it is helpful for them to be talking to themselves)
      • Build self-monitoring skills by helping them check in with themselves and also compare their behavior to others in the same situation. Role playing can be helpful for this.
      • Allow for some “cause vs. effect” situations to play out and don’t rescue them (as long as it is not too serious of course but still memorable)

Start with Training Wheels

When learning to ride a two-wheel bicycle, you wouldn’t just jump on and go – you’d start with training wheels or a balance bike and practice until you were ready to raise up the training wheels or go to the next step. The same is true when teaching independence skills. Start with the easiest step and provide support. As they become more capable, you can gradually withdraw or change the support. As their agency builds, so does their confidence.

Remember:

      • Break it into the smallest steps and provide support until capable (scaffolding)
      • Start with the end in mind and work your way backwards
      • Provide short term rewards (rewards are motivating when provided frequently)
      • Encourage using a beginning, middle and ending approach to new routines to help them stick
      • Body doubling can help
      • Think aloud to provide cues for modeling behavior
      • Provide visual cues and structure
      • Movement breaks help to increase the dopamine

Developing Life Skills-Ready to Ride

In order for children to become independent, they need to be able to check in with themselves and monitor how they are doing. It’s also important that they be able to plan ahead and that involves thinking about the future. With ADHD, there is “now and not now” and many things don’t come into focus until they are really close. Helping your child/teen develop routines that work for them and are consistent, will help them thrive and avoid that last minute adrenaline rush (it actually wears them down).

Practice, Practice, Practice

      • Develop a morning routine that gets them off to school on time and calm with everything they need
      • Have them set up everything they can for tomorrow to reduce the last-minute searching
      • Emphasize eating healthy and regularly and limit the ultra-processed foods that interfere with the brain chemicals.
      • The three-to-five year psychological and emotional delay can interfere with your child’s understanding around hygiene as well as, the multiple steps in the process and possibly some sensory issues too.
      • Clean body, hair and nails
      • Clean clothes (limit choices to outfits they wear-remove extras)
      • Take 10 minutes to have everyone pick up their things including their bedroom
      • Create a wind down routine and a bedtime routine that helps them get the hours of sleep they need.
      • Sundays are a great day to reset for the upcoming week.
      • Use a “done list” to emphasize progress

All of these skills have multiple steps and so you can use the Life Wheel (see below from Cindy Goodrich) to find out where to start. On a scale of 1-5, mark where your child/teen thinks they are for each skill. Then pick the lowest and start with building that routine. The summer is a great time to start working on the routines that matter the most. You’ll be building agency, confidence and capability!

Living and functioning with ADHD is hard, so praise your child and teen’s effort often and wherever you can. Your child is learning to develop the life skills that will help them succeed in a world that is not ADHD friendly and any effort is noteworthy.

The Life Wheel can use any categories you feel are needed. (As listed: self-advocacy, stress management, study skills, attention regulation, note taking, time management, organization and essay writing.)

Other Examples:

Life Skills Wheel ( Cindy Goodrich)

            • Get ready independently
            • Hygiene practices
            • Bedtime routine
            • Self-monitoring
            • Personal relationship skills

 

Two apps to help: Habitica and Forest and the Life Wheel to get you started.

What is one question your child or teen asks you daily that you know they know the answer to?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is the Little Things That Devour Time

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Time running outHave you ever felt like time was getting away from you? Me too!

What I have realized is that it is often the little things, like the appointment I need to make, the bill I need to look into or something else that although it probably won’t take a lot of time, it is enough to disrupt my workflow and focus. Then when I try to get back to what I was doing – it takes extra time. The research actually says that once that focus is broken, it can take about 25 minutes to get back to that same level of focus. That’s 25 minutes that could have been used to complete what I was working on.

As a former professional organizer, I know all about time blocking and task batching for saving time. Both of those strategies involve grouping similar tasks together and setting aside a specific time to get them done. By focusing on one type of task, you are able to maintain better focus. That saves mental energy and because you are not switching from one type of task to another you can finish them faster – no extra time spent refocusing. That also means your brain can focus easier without having to distract you as its way of reminding you of the other things you have to do. That means less stress.

What about the tasks that don’t fit into one category? The appointment you need to make, the membership you need to cancel (Audible for me) or the phone call you have been putting off? How do you get those various nagging tasks done? Solution: Add an Admin Block. A set time and place for focusing on those tasks only and completing as many as you can.

Who?

    • Self
    • Significant other
    • Family members (ex. teens that have college paperwork to get done)
    • Friends

When?

    • Weekend morning
    • Early afternoon
    • Evening

What to do?

    • Start a list of those nagging tasks and include the details you will need like the email or phone number
    • Create a folder (physical or digital) to hold key information
    • Set an appointment with yourself or group for when and how long

When the time comes, grab a beverage and a snack and get to work completing the tasks. Using the Pomodoro method of working for 25 minutes and taking a 5-minute break can help you stay focused. That little break helps recharge your brain and processes the new information. If you’re working with someone else, then you are benefitting from the body doubling strategy we often talk about and the accountability too.

Here is a blog from my good friend and Productivity Coach, Colleen, about an Admin night at a local Chicago area restaurant. It may give you ideas on how to make your admin block more fun and productive.

Celebrate whatever you accomplish. Those nagging tasks will no longer be taking up space in your brain. That means fewer distracting thoughts and when they do pop up you can park them on your list for the next Admin Block. Less mental clutter, more calm, and improved productivity. It’s a win-win!

Isn’t it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?   ~Zig Ziglar

 

Image by Lynda Smith-McDaniel

 

Four Steps to Reset Your Week

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Reset your weekIt’s Sunday evening and out of nowhere comes that uneasy feeling of dread. It starts small, but then as you think about your chaotic week ahead it begins to build, filling your brain with to-dos, appointments, problems to solve and unfinished leftovers from last week. All of these “extras” can impact your capacity to handle your most important priorities – those of yourself and your family.

Think of your computer when you have a dozen or more open tabs. How long does it take for you to find the tab you really need? Or have you ever put off changing the hoses on the washing machine? We all know the damage that can occur if that task is neglected too long. So, getting back to homeostasis (your baseline) can prevent other problems from sabotaging your week.

How can we get things back under control? Well, it starts by regaining control of what you can. Ready to learn how?

Enter the magic of a “Reset.” Webster defines “reset” to mean: “to set, adjust, or restore something to a new or initial state.”  It’s really about taking some time to think about what would make your life easier and then putting some things in place (or back in place) to help you glide through the week.

Where are your stress points? Think about the little things that seem to add to the stress of your week. How can you adjust or improve those things? Did you have to search for anything? Forget anything? Were you on time or late? Did you have to make an unscheduled stop at the grocery store for dinner ingredients? Whatever it is that causes you to pivot, see what you can do to prevent it from happening this week.

Our weekly reset process has just 4 steps. Only you can determine what a “reset” looks like for you and your family. It can be as long or as short as necessary and can occur on any day of the week. I like Sundays because my Mondays start with a meeting at 9:30am and I don’t want to be late! I encourage you to find what works for you and your family and make sure your home remains a sanctuary rather than a reflection of the chaos out in the world. Here’s how to start:

Reset Step 1: Review

Take a step back as if you were an outside observer and mentally go through your week. What do you notice? Where are the challenges and what can you do to mitigate them? It’s about the choices you make and when you make them. Think about what will make this week less stressful.

    • What went well last week? Celebrate those wins!
    • What didn’t go well last week?
    • One thing I can change or improve:

Reset Step 2: Record

Our working memory is designed to hold onto information while we need it. Unfortunately, it can only hold about 7 thoughts at a time. If you try to hold onto more, it may “drop or forget” something else. Using a planner, index card, post it or calendar to keep track of date specific things makes it less likely you will forget something. Digital or physical, doesn’t matter as long as you trust where you noted it.

    • What is important for this week (appointments, deadlines or responsibilities)?
    • Add in some self-care time for yourself
    • Do you want to decide about meals for the week?
    • What are your top 3 priorities for this week?

Reset Step 3: Reclaim

Reclaim your physical spaces. It is not about organizing your entire home. It is about looking at the areas that you use most often and determining what would make things run smoother.

    • Reset an area that will make your week run more smoothly (desk, kitchen, laundry)
    • Set a timer for 15 minutes and see what you can get done (get the family involved too)
    • Focus on progress, not perfection
    • Other ideas:
      • Clean up the mail
      • Clean out your pocketbook, backpack or car, or fill up the gas tank
      • Tackle one task that has been bugging you

Reset Step 4: Reboot or Recharge

Lastly, it is important to take care of yourself. As Dr. Phil said, “You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.” Taking time to recharge benefits your health, your sleep, your memory, and resting your brain can increase your focus and enhance your problem solving.

    • What do you need to recharge?
    • Take a walk in nature (just 20 minutes can calm and reset your brain)
    • Take a nap, or just sit
    • Other Ideas:
      • Yoga or stretching
      • Read
      • Music or Dance party
      • Go screen free for the day

The Sunday Reset is the first step in setting yourself up for a successful week. When you start from a manageable place, rather than continuing to pile the new week onto last week’s leftovers you save time, energy and brain bandwidth. And that is good for you and your family.

What will it feel like to have more control over your week?

ADHD and Overwhelm: Finding Your Reset Button – 5 Ways to Reset and Refocus

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frog overwhelmOverwhelm, that feeling that your brain is overloaded and cannot hold one more thing. It has a way of making everything seem like a priority whether it is or not and it is struggling to sort through what to do. The input can be from mental, emotional or even sensory overload, but it effectively paralyzes your thought processes. Your emotional center (the amygdala) takes over and triggers the fight, flight or freeze response.

Overwhelm can happen to anyone and it can come and go based on whatever else is happening in your life. With an ADHD brain, and its unique way of thinking, there are some additional things to consider.

Do you….

    • Need to do a “body check” to see if you are hungry, tired, restless or frustrated?
    • Need to reduce the distractions around you?
    • Need to adjust anything in your environment?
    • Need to change your thinking from “all or nothing” to something more flexible?
    • Need to get it all out of your head?
    • Know if your executive functioning brain “bank” is overdrawn from too many decisions, too much planning, or too many to-dos?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then you know what your first step should be in reducing that overwhelm. There are also some simple steps that may help clear out what is causing your overwhelm.

    • Do you need to reduce all the thoughts swirling in your brain? Then do a “brain dump” or “cranial cleanse” as my friend calls it. You write down everything that is on your mind- no censoring it – just get it out on the paper. You can sort it later.
    • Break down projects into their individual steps/tasks.
    • Visualize the end before you begin. What will it look like when it is complete? Now work backwards. Make sure it is broken down into the smallest of steps.
    • Do you need more information?
    • Can someone else help you with it?

Once you have answered these questions, then it is time to help get the overwhelm out of the body and brain. Here are five strategies that can get you moving forward again feeling less overwhelmed.

Overwhelm Strategy #1: Move the Stress Out of the Body

For many ADHD brains, stress builds as restless energy. Movement helps reset the nervous system. Movement often works faster than trying to “think” your way out of stress.

Ideas

    • 10–15-minute walk (outdoors is best)
    • Dance to one favorite song
    • Jumping jacks or trampoline time
    • Stretch or yoga break

Overwhelm Strategy #2: Give the Brain a Sensory Reset

ADHD brains often feel overwhelmed by too much sensory input. Intentional sensory tools can calm the nervous system. These aren’t distractions—they’re regulation tools.

Ideas

    • Fidget or stress ball
    • Weighted blanket or lap pad
    • Noise-canceling headphones
    • Holding something cold (ice cube, cold drink)

Overwhelm Strategy #3: Create a Brain Break Ritual

Short breaks help prevent ADHD stress from building into overwhelm and gives your brain time to process and be ready for more. Think of these as mental reset buttons, not procrastination.

Ideas

    • Take a walk out in nature (15 minutes will reset your brain)
    • Add to your “done list”
    • Drawing or doodling
    • Journaling or reading for 5 minutes
    • Sitting with a cup of tea

Overwhelm Strategy #4: Simplify the Environment

Too many visual, auditory or mental inputs increase stress for ADHD brains. It can be difficult to filter out completely, so try to reduce what you can. Small environmental shifts can create big cognitive relief.

Ideas

    • Clear just one small surface in your field of vision
    • Turn off background notifications (put phone in a different room)
    • Work in a quieter room (use noise canceling headphones)
    • Reduce visible clutter in your work zone
    • Work with a buddy (body doubling) or join our Work it Wednesday session from 10a-12p EST.

Overwhelm Strategy #5: Use a “One Small Thing” Reset

When the brain feels overwhelmed, the fastest way to reduce stress is momentum. Progress—not perfection—helps calm the ADHD brain.

Ideas

    • Put away 3 items
    • Do a “brain dump” or “cranial cleanse” by writing everything down
    • Send one email
    • Start a timer for 5 minutes (and stop working when it goes off)
    • Do one small task (the smallest step you can think of)

When an ADHD brain feels overwhelmed, the goal isn’t to force focus—it’s to stop and identify what is happening and then to create moments of regulation that can help you reset. Small resets like movement, sensory tools, taking a break, or doing one simple task can help the brain relax and move forward again. Coaching can help you identify and develop personal strategies to decrease the occurrence of overwhelm and learn to detect the warning signs.

Designed for Focus or Distraction?

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distracted squirrelProductivity isn’t just about willpower, motivation or discipline. It’s about design. Your environment has an impact on your productivity, well-being and efficiency through the cues that it is consciously and subconsciously sending you.

It can:

      • Encourage focus
      • Create calm
      • Promote distraction and procrastination
        • Intensify overwhelm
      • Make things harder (and take longer)

Visual Impact

Although our eyes “see” a great deal of visual information around us, it is our brain that processes only about 1% of that information. It tends to focus on anything survival related while keeping an ongoing “video” of the last 10-15 seconds based on attention and memory. So, it is our brain that interprets what we see and then makes sense of that information. The more cluttered the environment, the harder the brain has to work to see what you want it to see. If you’ve ever searched for your keys, only to find them 20 minutes later in one of the first places you looked – you know what I mean.

The busier the space, the more brain interference especially if there are things in your environment that are calling for attention. Maybe you have left something out as a reminder of a task or a decision you need to make. If that isn’t your focus right now, then maybe you can reduce the visual choices in that area and create a “focus zone” to help reduce the nonessential.

Sensory Input

First, we want to be sure our brain has everything it needs to be happy. The brain is continually sensing and responding to variations from the norm so it needs to have certain things like food, water, sleep, and safety to begin with. A quick body check of these internal needs will let you know if your brain needs something. To avoid being distracted by those needs, you should satisfy them before getting to work.

Next, let’s look at the things that can impact our senses externally. Starting with the ambient noise level. Is it too loud or too quiet? Which helps you stay focused more?

How about the temperature in the room – is it too warm, too cool? Also, think about the air quality as proper ventilation reduces indoor pollutants and increases your brain’s oxygen level which leads to better focus. Adding a plant or two can also increase the available oxygen.

Ergonomics, as defined by Google, “is fitting the task to the person.” This means making sure that you are comfortable and able to do the job without strain or pain. Check the chair for comfort and fit. Are your feet flat on the floor? Does the height of the desk fit with the chair? Check that the lighting is bright enough and focused on your work area and not coming from the ceiling to prevent working in your own shadow.

Lastly, color can impact your focus and productivity by reducing stress and stimulating brain activity. For example, blue and green are known for helping concentration, while red is known for boosting attention to detail (in short bursts). Color can also be used to help with learning. Grouping facts or like data together with one color aids retention. So, do what you can to make your environment suit your needs.

Friction vs. Flow

Sometimes it is not your hunger, or the ergonomics of your workspace, but the “friction” between you and the next small step. What’s friction, you ask? Anything that makes getting started harder (see above). There is not knowing where to start, not having what you need or being distracted by notifications. It all takes its toll.

Flow, on the other hand, feels effortless because the plan is clear. You know what to do and you have what you need to do it or can easily find it. The more friction you can alleviate, the more flow is possible.

Friction

  • Notifications and interruptions
  • Looking for things – disorganization/clutter
  • Perfectionism
  • No plan or clue about the next step

Flow

  • Have a plan before you sit down
  • Healthy snacks, water
  • Clear work space with needed supplies
  • Distraction free zone

Simple changes to your environment and the way you think about productivity can help make getting started easier with less friction and more flow.  And that will help you get things done.

How can your environment better support you and your brain? (What can be changed, removed, simplified or decided ahead of time?) Check out our Friction Audit on Facebook.

From Stuck to Started: Task Initiation Strategies to Get Going

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Stuck and time is running out

You are stuck. You know what you need to do and you even want to do it, but yet…you’re still stuck and time is running out. So instead of asking, “Why can’t I just do this?” a more helpful question is, “What does my brain need in order to get started?”

Getting started challenges are a signal not a character flaw. And when you understand what’s getting in the way, you can start using strategies that work with your brain instead of against it.

What’s Getting in the Way?

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help figure out why you are getting stuck.

  • Do I understand what to do?
  • Do I have everything I need?
  • What is holding me back?
  • Am I trying to make it perfect to start?
  • Is my brain ready to work or does it need something?

If you’ve been unable to start on this task you may find that the sense of urgency is causing you stress and that can make it difficult to think clearly.

Strategies to Get Going

    • Start small

Sometimes the task can feel overwhelming especially if it is really a project with multiple steps. Break it down into the smallest steps you can by starting with the end in mind and working backwards to the starting point.

    • Use Momentum, Not Motivation

Don’t wait until you “feel like” doing whatever it is you have been avoiding. You probably won’t ever feel like tackling it. Instead, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and promise yourself you will work for that long and then you can quit (if you still want to.) Sometimes, the getting started part gets us motivated to continue.

    • Nudges, pokes and jabs

Using visual timers, alarms and phone reminders serve to designate a starting time. Setting the sleep timer to shut off the TV or a focus app, reduces the distractions that may be keeping you from getting started. Setting false deadlines or having someone else tell you an earlier deadline can also help motivate.

    • Body Doubling Support

Working along side a friend, family member or even a stranger can help keep you focused on the task. There are online groups including a Work it Wednesday, two-hour zoom call, that helps hold people accountable for whatever they said they would do in each 25-minute block.

    • Rewards

Everyone likes to be rewarded for a job well done. If you are someone that likes rewards you may want to try having a specific reward for yourself after you have completed the task you have been struggling with.

There’s no one “right” way to get started, and that’s why having multiple strategies that work for your brain matters. Even small steps can create meaningful momentum. Experiment with what helps, and trust that every small start counts.

A Calmer Holiday Season Starts Here

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Self-care by the fireHow do you feel about the holidays? If it is a mix of excitement and overwhelm, then you are not alone. The season can feel like sensory overload, with unlimited choices and decisions, an extended “to-do” list and a short time frame in which to get it all done. However, we know that stress doesn’t help get things done any faster, it just takes a bigger toll on us. Here are some ideas to help you keep the stress level down and have a meaningful and memorable holiday season.

Self-Care Ideas:

  • You don’t need to do it all. Pick the things that resonate with you rather than feeling obligated to accept all invitations.
  • Find your high energy times and use them to get the important things done
  • Most adults can focus for 90 minutes but then you should take a break and do something that involves more activity
  • Start your morning off knowing what your top 3 priorities are for the day. If you wait to plan your day in the morning, you are already wasting valuable energy time.
  • What is it that stresses you out the most about the holidays? Can you brainstorm with your family some solutions or strategies to help, rather than avoiding it?
  • Remember experiences together can be more meaningful than “things”
  • Take breaks throughout the day to check in with yourself. We often ignore our internal signals until they become urgent. (Ex. Are you hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or need support?) Ask, “What do I need right now?”
  • A 15-minute walk in nature is helpful for resetting your brain and attitude – give it a try.
  • Find little things that add joy to your day and sprinkle them throughout

Lastly, remember to take pictures and to write down the good, the bad and the ugly so you don’t forget what made this holiday so memorable. I’m building my “one sheet” option in Notion that covers everything from gift suggestions, to special events that happen each year and important things to remember and/or do for next year, recipe successes or fails, and most importantly how I felt this year. How will you remember?

I’ve been summarizing our Christmases for years in my journal and it has helped incredibly to reread them each December 1st, but this page in Notion includes the specifics (you can use a notebook if you prefer) and that will ensure that each year is less stressful and more fun.

Wishing you a calm, magical and fun-filled holiday season no matter what holidays you celebrate.

 

ADHD Empowerment Through Communication

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ADHD Empowerment SignAs we close out another ADHD Awareness/Empowerment month, I realize that learning about what ADHD is and isn’t and normalizing it, is a great start but communicating that information to friends, family and school officials needs to be the next step. Let’s talk about how you can help your child understand their ADHD, learn to advocate for their needs and help family and friends recognize and support them too.

Empowering Parent Communication

As a parent, your responsibility is to be sure your child or teen is healthy, safe, fed, sleeps enough and is loved. For those with ADHD, body awareness can be a real challenge. Their ability to focus (some say, “hyper-focus”), can interfere with the signals that the brain is sending to eat, sleep, move or even hit the bathroom. Those signals can be ignored until they become urgent – that’s what “hangry” looks like – often with physical actions that seem more like an overreaction.

Emotions can quickly overwhelm all rational thought especially when the body’s needs are not being met. Frequent “body check-ins” can help your child or teen learn to pause and check in with their body in order to recognize the signs of hunger, thirst, tiredness and stress etc. before it is too late. There can be a 3-to-5-year delay in emotional, social, and psychological growth for those with ADHD so, helping them learn to recognize their physical needs at certain times of the day can help them establish healthy habits.

Working together to help your children establish systems and routines for maintaining their health, homework habits and developing organizational strategies (another challenge for ADHD) can build lifelong habits and reduce the stress level in the home.

Empowering Communication Between Parents and Children

ADHD is a neurobiological (chemical) glitch in the brain that impacts the regulation of dopamine and other neurotransmitter hormones causing differences in the way the brain functions and how the executive functioning skills develop. It is not good or bad, just different. This is important to share with your children.

Children with ADHD often struggle with situational awareness – not understanding what is happening around them and what they should do next. This can range from misinterpreting someone’s facial expression (and not getting the right message of urgency) to inappropriate behaviors that may look intentional but are really an impulsive response due to the lack of understanding.

Here’s how you can help:

  • Prepare children for new experiences ahead of time
  • Practice the types of behaviors that are appropriate and talk about what is not
  • People watch to practice noticing facial expressions and body language
  • Give children and teens chances for a “do-over”
  • Agree on a “secret code word” that warns when behaviors are pushing the limits
  • Practice short “scripts” to use for self-advocacy when they are put on the spot
  • Discuss and evaluate concerning behaviors after everyone has time to think about what happened and can calmly discuss options

Empowering Communication with Friends, Family and Teachers

Until the world understands and accepts the challenges that those with ADHD face, we not only have to advocate for them but teach them how to advocate for themselves. Help them figure out the kinds of strategies and supports that work for them and to practice ways of asking for them.

If you have friends or family members that don’t understand ADHD and how it impacts your family, take some time to explain the basics – not intentional, just biological. Mention one- or two-ways ADHD impacts your child and share strategies that might help the family member interact in a more accepting manner with your child. Focus on the positives with the family member and your child. You can recommend resources if they are interested in learning more but most importantly maintain open communication and answer any questions that you can.

If your child is on an IEP or has a 504 plan, you may be the one advocating for them until they are able to advocate for themselves. The accommodations that are provided in either of those plans provides flexibility and helps to ensure your child can succeed. For example, being given extra time is not an excuse to turn things in late. It provides a cushion of time without impacting their grade, if they are unable to complete the assignment within the time frame. This prevents undue stress and frustration when their ADHD brain is too tired or stressed to be able to think clearly.

Make sure your teen is familiar with the accommodations in their plan and help them practice ways to advocate for the things they need. Something as simple as a seating preference (not at the back or in the middle of the room) can have a huge impact on your teen’s ability to focus. Teachers are often unaware of how much time homework takes for someone with ADHD and if your teen is “masking” while in class (i.e. pretending everything is fine when it is not) they will assume all is well. It is not. If they cannot advocate for what they need or they are ignored, then please step in and communicate with the teacher and/or whomever is in charge of the plan they are on.

The goal is to have a good school experience and learn how to learn. The students that struggle the most are often the ones that think outside the box and may someday make the discovery the world needs. Let’s encourage them!

The Power of Reflection – What I Learned This Summer

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Sunday Reflection under a treeSeptember is often thought of as a “second new year” as the weather cools and kids head back to school; our routines shift and new schedules make September feel like a new start. It is the perfect time to pause and reflect on the kind of life you really want. What did summer reveal to you about how you want to live, work and feel as we head into the busiest season of the year?

What Can We Learn?

As I look back and think about the summer, I am looking for the learning. No, learning is not the right word. I think it is more about finding the lessons and to learn from them. For example, what recharges me, or drains me? What do I need more of or less of? You get the idea.

I remember the heat and the humidity (here in the northeast we call it HHH – hazy, hot and humid). It definitely limited my outdoor activity and I felt the weather was at times, holding me hostage. My routines were inconsistent, and my newly retired significant other was flinging his very ingrained routines out the window. (There is definitely an adjustment to this new phase.)

There was time for some travel, fun and family activities as well as, home maintenance and landscape projects to complete. I discovered that projects often take much more time than you think even if someone else is doing the work.  The lesson here, is don’t waste the summer on landscape projects.

What did you notice about your summer?

Questions to Consider

  • What do you wish you had more (or less) of?
  • When did you feel the most energized and happy?
  • What did you learn about your boundaries (consider your time, energy, commitments, etc.)
  • Did you spend your time on what is important to you?
  • What insights have you gained from reflecting on your summer?

How to Turn Your Insights in to Action

Reflecting brings awareness about what is truly important to you and what is not. And awareness is often the first step to creating change. So, if you noticed for example, that you liked the slower pace of summer or having fewer commitments, then your next step would be to figure out how to turn your new awareness into action. Perhaps, creating new structures or routines to protect those boundaries or taking time to really consider the “cost” of taking on something before committing to it. You decide.Reflection brings changes

September is an opportunity to reset – not by making “resolutions” or setting unrealistic goals, but by choosing what matters and letting go of what doesn’t. Simple, small changes or tweaks often make the biggest differences.

In coaching the three steps of Awareness, Action and Learning can help transform your awareness, a step at a time into the life you envision. Coaching can guide you into designing “your roadmap” to that life.

Three Things to Add for More Rhythm, Less Routine

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routines add calm like the oceanWhenever I mention the word, “routine” people seem to roll their eyes or instantly say, “Routines don’t work for me.” Maybe they are thinking that a routine is too rigid or it is too much to remember at the beginning and so they give up before giving it a good try, which is about 66 days.

A routine does not need to be “perfect”, but having one reduces the strain on the brain, gives a feeling of being in control, and helps you manage yourself and your time more realistically. If you’re a parent, helping your children design their own routines can encourage ownership and builds independence.

Step 1: Bookends

When creating a new routine, it is helpful to have something to remind you to start or end it. That added structure needs a cue of some sort to help you remember. For example, you could set a specific bedtime and wake up time. Add in a visual or auditory cue to help signal that it is getting close to that time. Reminders on your phone if that works for you, but don’t just dismiss it unless you have started your routine that it is marking.

Getting a consistent good night’s sleep does wonders for your energy level, mood and focus. Not to mention all the health benefits. Keep the phones out of the bedroom to sleep deeper. Clear the clutter and the path to the bed and cover or disconnect the random light sources as they interfere with your body’s ability to maintain the melatonin levels needed for deep sleep. Add in a calming activity to help transition into sleep.

Step 2: Prep and Organize

In a previous article, I mentioned that decision fatigue was real and that each decision you make in the morning uses up some of that finite amount. To save some decision energy for later in the day, you need to minimize the number of decisions in the morning. That means prep whatever you can the night before.

We’ve all heard about putting your clothes out the night before and packing your lunch or work bag and leaving it by the door, but creating special “spaces” for these things, helps you better manage the morning. For example, a landing/launch pad for things going out the door, a specific hook for tomorrow’s outfit and/or space for two pairs of shoes near the door instead of all of your shoes, will save you so much time and stress. Add in a hook for the car keys and your bag and you can greatly reduce that stress.

Organizing the kitchen, your closet, your kids’ clothes, a homework space and the entry way to have just the necessities can greatly cut down on the time it takes to get ready and out the door. Checklists or pictures for younger children to start building their routines (with your support) encourages their independence and makes them feel capable. That’s the way to a great day!

Step 3: Making Connections

Taking time to make connections is probably the most important step of all. How often are we rushing through the day trying to either get things done or get the kids to different activities that we don’t slow down long enough to really connect?

Trying to have dinner together as a family, or even breakfast if that time works better can go a long way towards building a strong connection. Checking in shows you care (just don’t mention homework) and provides an opening for your kids to share that might not happen during the course of a rush here and there evening. It’s a great way to check in with your spouse too. Share good parts of their day or the toughest, doesn’t matter as long as you listen and don’t try to solve their problems for them.

Sometimes, a short walk around the neighborhood can help a child open up about something that is bothering them. Taking a walk alone can also help you connect with yourself, if it’s been one of “those” days. Having a family game night or planning a weekend activity builds confidence and reinforces the family as a team.

For those kids with ADHD, the smallest positives can help to outweigh the negatives they may be hearing all day long. Remember to praise their efforts and not their “intelligence” which they have no control over. Guide and support yourself and your kids to develop routines that work and you will be able to calm the chaos and reduce the stress. And that benefits everyone!