Laine

May is for Moms

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May is for Moms. The month of May has the weather we like, the flowers start to blossom, the days are longer, and it feels so good to get out of our turtlenecks and heavy jackets. Now if we could just get that “project” off our list…..we would be extra happy.

The problem with being the task master (ie. The one in charge of creating the “to do” list in the first place and also often the only one doing it) is that we sometimes aren’t in the mood, or don’t have the supplies we need, or life interrupts and we end up putting it off for another day, and another day and another day. Has that ever happened to you?

After two or three times of pushing it off, it often becomes even harder to get motivated to actually get working on it. Some days our resolve to persevere is stronger than on other days – depending on the project. If there is a time limit that has to be met, or if our children need us to do something, the task will often get done. But what if there isn’t anyone pushing you. What gets you to do it?

Without a sense of urgency, we are less likely to feel motivated to complete a task we have been putting off. Sure, you can announce it to the world and hope that makes you feel enough pressure to complete it, or bribe yourself with a reward, enlist help, or rationalize your way out of doing it….or….you could find an accountability partner.

An accountability partner shouldn’t be your best friend. They have a tendency to “go easy” on you and let you off the hook if you whine enough about the crazy week you’ve had. You want a coach that will empathize but will also ask you to think deeper about the challenges and see what else might be holding you back. They will ask questions that will guide you to come up with your own solutions – and check in with you to be sure you are on track.

An organizer coach does all that and more. They can help you actually make progress on that project you have been putting off, with hands on help, as well as, discover what has been holding you back, give ideas for creating new systems to move you forward and hold you accountable by checking in regularly. What would it feel like to have that kind of support and get your project done?

Give us a call and ask about our one hour “Booster shot” program. It could be the push you’ve been looking for (781) 659-0513.

Screen Free Week – Time to Turn on Creativity

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reading-a-book-graphicThe annual Screen Free Week (formerly called turn off the TV week) is April 29th – May 3, this year. I am happy to see that it is not school vacation week as it has been in the past (at least in Massachusetts).  I think helping kids find other options for fun during a typical week is much easier than during vacation week. Don’t you?

So, how much TV do you think you and/or your kids watch in a typical week? I think you may be surprised. Often times, we adults, just want to stop and slow down for a few minutes. Having that big black box staring back at us has the effect of a black hole….it pulls us in. We turn it on; we sit there and then wonder where the time went. Take a look at your TV habits. Do you have special shows that you watch or are you constantly flipping channels? Do you turn it on for the news and then watch the 6pm and 11pm news and everything in between? Well this is a good week to go “cold turkey” and turn off the TV. You might just realize that the hours of 7pm to 10pm are some of your best. (Click here to continue reading on our blog page).

Let’s face it, with TIVO™ and other DVR’s you can be the one in control of your viewing. By fast forwarding through the commercials you can save 15 minutes off each hour long program. I guess what I am saying is take a look, are you wasting valuable time getting hooked into something that really doesn’t interest you? Or are you deciding what and when you will watch? Is the TV in control or are you?

Families can work together to plan activities for the after dinner hours that are typically spent watching TV. Be creative, you can bake cookies, play games, do crafts or read together. The options are limited only by your imagination. Check out events in your area.

Try it for the week and let me know what you do instead. If you’re a typical 3 or 4 hour a night watcher, that could mean 15 to 20 hours gained in just 5 days! Think about that! My husband doesn’t know it yet, but the TV is going off for those days. I’ll have to think of things to keep him busy so he doesn’t even notice. I hope that teachers will lighten the homework load for this week or many kids won’t even notice that the screens were off.

One thing I do want to mention, these three or four hours that you gain, should not be used to get more “work” done. Think of it as your “self-care” time or “family” time and use it wisely. Check out this website for more information: http://www.screenfree.org/

Good luck.

Let me know what your family has planned in the comment box below. Thanks for reading.

Files, Files Everywhere!

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file-drawerHopefully, by now your taxes are done. You’ve been through your files locating all pertinent information and now is a good time to clear out any left over paper clutter. Eighty percent of the paper that gets filed is never looked at again. Go through each file folder and weed out those papers you no longer need. For a list of what to keep for tax purposes and for time limits, go to www.irs.gov.

The information you used for your taxes should be labeled and kept in a separate place with the previous tax years’ information. Were your files specific enough to make locating tax information quick and painless? If not, add more file folders within hanging file folder categories. Label clearly (Label makers are great for this) and place all hanging file folder tabs on one side. Be sure the tabs are attached to the front of the hanging folder so that when you pull it towards you, the file you need opens up. Whether you file current things in front of the file or at the back is up to you.

Files can also be helpful for holding warranty information, personal hobby information, club information and project information. Those files you use weekly (ex. bill statements, pay stubs etc.) should be within arm’s reach of your desk, those used less often can be in other parts of the room. Tax information can be stored elsewhere as long as it is protected from damage. Take action and make next year’s tax process easier with effective files.

What to Do When You’re Stuck in the Mud with a Fried Brain

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fried brainThe pressure of homework or rather the pressure of finishing homework for that valuable checkmark is taking away from the point of homework. It used to be that homework was a review of what was learned in school that day, but now often times students are “re”teaching themselves because teachers do not allow enough time for students to process new information.

When students get really focused or feel pressured to get their homework done it is almost like they put blinders on. They are no longer really learning the material they are just trying to get through the assignment. I want to give them credit for persevering but also want them to know that at some point they become less effective and should stop. How many times have you seen your child do a math problem over and over again expecting a different answer? Middle and High School students often have the answer to the math problem and their job is to set up the equation and get that answer. Lots of things can go wrong in this process (calculation error, wrong sign, solved in the wrong order, wrong equation, etc.) but students tend to erase and start again – exactly the same way.

This is called cognitive inflexibility. It happens in kids, teens and adults and is the inability to switch your approach or your thinking to problem solving when what you are doing isn’t working or something changes. It is like getting stuck in mud and not even realizing it. So in the above example, they erase the problem and because they are not 100% tuned in, they could be repeating the same process or same error over again. This can go on and on and that makes homework take longer and longer. Talk to your student about this at a time when they are not stressed about homework and print out the four steps below for them. Help them add to the list.

What to do when you are stuck on your homework:

1. Stop and take a look at what you have done. Check for errors or misunderstandings. If you don’t see anything then go to number 2.

2. Take a non-electronic break (5-15 minutes) and let your subconscious mind work on it and then go back and try it one more time.

3. Stop erasing and use a whiteboard after the first attempt so you can see all of your answers. What is happening?

4. Brainstorm other things you can do. For example you could: Skip it and come back to it, call or text a friend in your class, go back to the text book and reread key information, check your class notes, go in early or stay late for extra help, Google it or use a website like www.khanacademy.org to help.

For whatever reason, students seem to think that they “shouldn’t” use other resources to help them solve a problem. When this happens, they often end up wasting so much time trying to figure things out when a simple search or call to a friend could solve that quickly.

Nothing So Wrong With Us That What Is Right With Us, Can't Fix

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topnav-logoThat was the title of a keynote speech at the CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) conference I attended last November by Mark Katz. Think about that title for a minute. As Mark explained, it is the meaning that we attach to adversity and/or the meaning that others attach that influences how we feel about it and how we feel about ourselves. If those experiences are negative, as they can be for many students with ADHD, then it takes more “strength” to stay mentally strong and to not let those experiences determine how they feel about themselves. We know they can do it, just not consistently. So point out that circumstances/difficulties are temporary, not permanent, and that there is usually a light at the end of the tunnel to aim for.

Key Points:

Teach kids that their intelligence is not fixed, it is malleable. Push them to roll up their sleeves and try again. Avoid saying things like, “you’re so smart” as it implies that intelligence is fixed and sends a conflicting message to them when they fail.

Make “making mistakes” a valued part of learning. Encourage constructive learning. Have a mistake jar where chips are put in for mistakes and then reward the family when the jar is full.

Build resiliency. Focus on the positive.

Level the playing field by helping students learn to use the tools, strategies and technologies that work best for them.

Encourage their interests and support them as they find what interests them and what they are good at.

Bottom line – do whatever it takes to keep your child’s self-esteem intact. It’s how they feel about themselves that will determine how well he or she succeeds.

This is an article that was in our December newsletter. If you are not already on the list you can sign up for this free monthly newsletter here: www.laineslogic.com/children.html

Getting Organized – The Key Points

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February 22: Happy Anniversary to me! Yes, it has been 31 years since I started my quest to become organized. I didn’t even know what it was that I needed to do, I only knew I needed to do something. Often times we are so “caught up” in the day to day of things that we don’t stop to actually think about how we could improve our lives. Well, on that day I did stop.

Here’s what I have learned since that day:

  • People are much more important than how your home looks.
  • There’s always a way to improve something if you take time to think about it.
  • SYSTEMS can always help (A process or series of actions you do to complete a task in an organized manner).
  • There is no ONE right way to organize – you have to find what works for you (and it may take several tries).
  • Keep it simple – the fewer steps the better.
  • Organization feels good!
  • Maintenance is key. That’s when you go back and redo or tweak your system. Ex: reorganize the closet…take it back to the point it was when you finished organizing it the first time.
  • You have the solutions inside you…but you just might need someone else to help pull them out of you.

An Organizer Coach, like me, has a combination of skills to help you understand yourself, guide you to solve your own challenges and help you create systems to get organized – all at the same time. Call or email me to find out how I can be of help to you.

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Phone: (781) 659-0513

Email: laine@laineslogic.com

Effort or Grades – Which Means More?

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080814-brainEvery day scientists are learning more and more about the brain. Research is proving that the brain can continue to grow new synapses (connections) no matter the age providing that it continues to learn “new” skills. Do you believe that your brain can grow or were you born with a certain amount of intelligence and that’s all there is?

I’m reading the book, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, Ph.D. Dweck believes that it is more important what you and/or your child believe about the brain and not what they believe about a grade or an IQ score. (Click here to watch a YouTube video of Dr. Dweck) Dweck’s premise is that there are two kinds of mindsets; fixed and growth. “Believing your qualities are carved in stone – the fixed mindset – creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. “  So you strive for the good grades in order to feel good about yourself. Then when you do poorly on something, you feel like a failure. Your motivation dwindles because in this mindset, nothing you can do can improve your grade. You’re stuck in a fixed mindset.

On the other hand, “The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts….everyone can change and grow through application and experience.” Same failed test causes the student with this mindset to study harder and to work at it until they get it. They are motivated to improve and believe there is no limit to what they can do with enough effort.

So, as parents, do you praise your child for their grades or for their effort? One (grades) will lead to a fixed mindset whereas; praising their effort will encourage them to continue to strive for excellence. Dweck says, “The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.” What do you think? Let me know in the comment box below.

Lessons from a Fish

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nemo-fishAt last, the blizzard of 2013 is over! I hope you made it safely through and are now getting back to “normal.” The sun is out and the snow is melting. I know we are not through with the worst of the winter yet, but at least we continue to get closer to Spring every day. We lost power for about 50 hours which was long enough to bring the house temperature down lower than 40 degrees (we left at that point) even with a fire in the fireplace. I didn’t want to leave but felt defeated by Mother Nature. Shouldn’t I be able to handle this? I’m usually the optimist always looking for the bright side….but I felt cheated out of my “snow day” by a power outage.

It took a fish now named, “Super Dude” to snap me out of it. Out of a tank full of more than 50 fish of different sizes, only one survived. The newly named “Super Dude” was not the biggest or the smallest of the fish but he must have been the smartest as he clearly found a place to hide that kept him warm enough to survive. When the tank was finally uncovered he began to swim happily above the destruction below.

Here’s what I learned from Super Dude:

  • Think creatively rather than doing what everyone else is doing
  • It might not be easy, but do it anyways….the payoff will be worth it
  • Take care of yourself first (so you can better take care of others)
  • Stay focused!
  • Look for the brighter side…. Lost food = cleaned out frig and freezer
  • Be grateful!

What did you learn from the storm? Let me know in the comments below.

Motivation Holds the Key – For Students

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motivation

Motivation is that hidden power that gets you to do something that you might not have otherwise wanted to do. It has been defined as an “incentive, drive or desire to do.” It is the inspiration that pushes you to score that goal, or ace that test. It can help you keep at something when you would prefer to quit.

Now I know that it can be difficult to motivate yourself when it comes to school stuff. I get that. But without understanding the “why” behind what you are doing, you may never find that extra motivation to get you through the tough times.

They say there are two types of motivation, extrinsic and intrinsic. Some people are motivated by external or extrinsic rewards – things that can be bought or received (games, toys, $). Others are motivated by internal or intrinsic rewards. Intrinsic motivation is like the special feeling an “A” brings, or that feeling of pride in yourself when you make the honor roll. I think there are two other types of motivation – pain and pleasure. For those that are motivated by pain, they work harder to avoid the “pain” (getting grounded or losing the computer). Those motivated by pleasure are motivated to get things done in order to be rewarded like extra time with friends, or staying up later. So, once you know which motivates you, you can create options for increasing your own motivation.

Today I’d like you to think about what motivates you. What gives you that extra energy or incentive to push harder when you really don’t want to? Is it extrinsic, intrinsic, pain or pleasure motivated? Why are you working hard to get good grades and what helps push you to work your best? Share with your parents and get them on your team. You are half way through the school year… knowing this and using it, can help you through the rest of the year.

What is your key to motivating yourself? Finding your “why” and making it important. That will help you push through when the homework or the studying gets tough because you have a reason that is important to you. You have found what motivates you.

Motivation holds the key!

The Best Laid Plans

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tuesdayEver set your day up perfectly, only to have a phone call or something simple send it spinning out of control? Me too! When I first started getting organized (yes, it’s true I wasn’t born this way), I set up a basic week schedule. It was a simple chart that had the days of the week on it and what “kind of” a day it was. For example, I had Wednesday as my domestic day, Tuesday for groceries and Friday for bills. If something interrupted my plan, I was thrown off my game – not just for the day but for the rest of the week. So, if it snowed on Tuesday and I couldn’t get to or didn’t want to get to the grocery store, I would try to make it through until the next Tuesday – which usually didn’t work.

What I discovered instead, is that each day I needed to look at what my plan was and check to see if it would still work. The fact that I had specific things to do on specific days saved me from having to stop at the store on the way home from work, or drop off the tax bill instead of mailing it on a Friday. But if something came up, I figured out the next best plan. Sure, sometimes the laundry (domestic day) didn’t get done until the weekend but it was not the overflowing basket that reminded me to it, it was my plan. This often saved my family from some strange combinations for dinner (whatever was still in the freezer).

What I discovered instead, is that each day I needed to look at what my plan was and check to see if it would still work. The fact that I had specific things to do on specific days saved me from having to stop at the store on the way home from work, or drop off the tax bill instead of mailing it on a Friday. But if something came up, I figured out the next best plan. Sure, sometimes the laundry (domestic day) didn’t get done until the weekend but it was not the overflowing basket that reminded me to it, it was my plan. This often saved my family from wearing dirty clothes and some strange dinner combinations (whatever was still in the freezer).

What I realized is that the best laid plans are the tentatively laid ones. Change them if you have to but at least start with a plan. You might want to think about having a grocery day, paperwork day, errand day, laundry day etc. How’s your plan working today? Tell me on Face Book.