Laine

How to Have a FANTASTIC 2014

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plannerI call it strategic planning and I do it for my business and for myself each year. One year my husband and I went away for the weekend and spent an entire day coming up with goals for the new year. We definitely were overly ambitious and could not have predicted that life and job hunting would take up the majority of his time. We did do some things but our focus was divided, so this year we are sitting down to create a mini strategic plan for 2014. It will be a little less ambitious but will include more “fun” time, more exercise, Sundays as a no work day, planned “date” nights, reorganization/maintenance of several rooms and no more than three big projects. You get the idea. What would you like to change or do this year (first name?)

When we first did this we used Jack Canfield’s Success Principles book as a guide and used his seven categories to define the areas of our lives. They are: work/career, finances, recreation/free time, health and fitness, relationships, personal goals and contribution to society. We then came up with a (S.M.A.R.T.) goal for each and then listed some “to do’s” under each. When projects like redo the dining room and clean out the basement started showing up on the personal list we decided to add an eighth category called physical environment. That took my “organizing projects” and hubby’s fix it projects off the personal list and into its own category (whew!). You can use whatever categories work for you (family, health, spiritual, lifestyle, etc.) but go “light” on the goals you set for yourself so that you can taste the success and continue to be motivated and not overwhelmed or feel defeated.

The whole thing was a bit overwhelming that first year so we decided we would think ahead only one quarter – just January, February and March. We took a yearlong calendar and added in the Big Rocks (commitments, vacation, holidays, etc.) first so we could see what time was actually left. (Don’t tell anyone but I have a SLIGHT tendency to overbook myself.) Then we went month by month for the first three even getting down to the nitty gritty tasks we want to do and making sure they were balanced with non “work” type activities. Don’t try to work in each category each month, maybe pick two and just do a few things that resonate with you. You can build on your successes.

Here are the top five resolutions for 2014 according to statistic brain (click the link to check out the other five).

  • Lose Weight
  • Getting Organized
  • Spend Less, Save More
  • Enjoy Life to the Fullest
  • Staying Fit and Healthy

If one or more of these is on your list, then first change it into a goal by making it specific, measurable, attainable, realistic (i.e. Not 50 pounds in a month) and time specific. Next break it down into ten things you can do to achieve that. Break it down even further into the very next action you can do towards it and put that in your calendar. Often times we have multistep projects on our list that require more time and steps to complete than we have in a day….so do yourself a favor and only put single action steps into your calendar or on your to do list. Keep asking yourself questions until you get to the single, next action and only put three to five actions on any one day. Watch for more tips on my Face Book page throughout the month.

Hey Students – It is OKAY to Get Help

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Good grades start at home

The best kept secret these days is that going to see the teacher after school can improve your teen’s grades. Over the last several months I have asked a number of students (many of them clients whom I see because they or their parents want their grades to improve) if they go after school to get extra help. 90% of them say no. They say things like, “I can do it on my own I just have to take the time, work harder, study more,” etc. The other 10% say they have and that they found it helpful. If your teen is part of the 90%, you might want to ask your friends if their teens go after for help. Then without mentioning names of course, you can say you know of x number of other kids who do and they found it helpful maybe their grades have even gone up.

I usually suggest that for a teen’s toughest subject, they go after once or twice a week for two or three weeks and then compare their grade on the most recent quiz or test to one that they had before they started going after school. Once they see that the scores have gone up (and that some of their friends are there too) they might not be so apprehensive about going.

If that does not work then encourage them to at least ask the Internet wizards by searching for their topic/problem online. Sites like www.khanacademy.org, (video and audio combo makes this site my favorite) www.quizlet.com, (for flashcards and flashcard practice) and www.factmonster.com (although I don’t like the fact this site has ads) are places to start. Students can even “Google” quadratic equations for example (or whatever is stumping them at the time) and come up with over 4 million sites that can help. Sometimes students cannot understand the concept from the way it was presented in class, just getting another perspective from the Internet can make it click. Yes, I do recommend reading Sparknotes too if they struggle with reading comprehension, but they HAVE TO do the reading first and course notes for other subjects.

Winter break is a great time to take a look at some sites and do a little recon work to find help for those concepts they may not have mastered. Dare I say the midyear exams are only a week away. Whatever they have not understood up to this point, usually comes back to haunt them on the midyear or final exam.

It is okay to get help. Working harder at understanding something that you truly don’t understand is usually ineffective. As a coach I find guiding students to find their own solutions (and making it look like it was their idea) is very rewarding for all.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2013

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070621-partyhatAs we say goodbye to another year (I know I can’t believe it either) and welcome 2014, it is time to think about the past for just a few minutes. If you’re like me you might be wondering where 2013 went. I seem to be missing a few weeks somewhere, how about you?

Well, take a few moments and look through the year’s planner pages or calendar (whatever you are using) to recall how you chose to spend it. I call this my “good, bad and ugly” memory trip through the year. Make three columns (or lists)on a sheet of paper and as you go through the months write down the things you want to remember under each of those categories.

Good

  • Husband loves new job
  • Son got married

Bad

  • Vacation postponed
  • Gained 7 pounds

Ugly

  • Broke promises to myself
  • Three unfinished projects calling – no screaming at me

You get the idea. Take a few minutes now and make your list. Now you can focus on reducing the “bad” and the “ugly” and increasing the “good” in 2014. What will that take? Let me know in the comments below please.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!

 

 

7 Steps to a Successful Day

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Late againEver have one of those days when everything seems to go wrong? Well research now says that a chemical change occurs in the brain when the first thing goes wrong in the morning. Then our reaction to that one thing can set the tone for the rest of the day – even after the chemical change is over. Bad days happen to all of us now and then but here are seven steps that can turn those days around. Start tonight!

1. Set a bedtime! This is first because it can make the difference between having enough energy to get through a busy day or feeling sleep deprived and self-medicating with caffeine or food all day long. Make sure you get enough sleep (7-9 hours for adults) to wake up refreshed.

2. Make a plan the night before. What are your priorities, list appointments and/or meetings and think about what you need to get done and also what is coming up in the next two days?

3. Decide what you’ll eat tomorrow. What is for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks? By thinking about it ahead of time you are less likely to make unhealthy choices. Having a weekly meal plan takes the stress out of thinking about what to prepare for dinner each night.

4. Load the launch pad. That area near the door where you keep all that you need to take with you will take the stress out of your morning rush. Make sure keys, pocketbook, cellphone, id and anything else you need is ready to grab at the door. Put out tomorrow’s clothes and jewelry as well. No thinking in the morning required.

5. Plan when to “move it” for 30 minutes tomorrow. If you try and wait to see what “feels like” a good time to workout, you probably won’t. By setting the time ahead of time, you can set out your clothes, call a friend to meet you for that walk, or just wake up ready to exercise and know that you have started your day off on a positive note.

6. Drink more water. According to the CDC we don’t drink enough water. So bring a few bottles with you so that you have them ready and space them out throughout your day. Getting the bottles ready the night before, makes it just a matter of grab and go. (Or get yourself a large refillable, non-plastic bottle.)

7. Allow extra time in the morning. If you don’t like to jump out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off then allow for extra time. You want to be able to get ready for the morning at a leisurely pace and not have to be rushing here and there. Stress can affect your entire day.

Do whatever you can the night before to make your morning run smoothly and you’ll feel so much better at the end of your successful day.

Work to Home – 7 Strategies for a Smooth Transition

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Clock Reading Five O’Clock

What happens in that space between leaving work and stepping in the door at home? Are you able to shut off work and quickly transition to the dog, kids, and dinner or do you feel more like the two halves of your brain are constantly competing for attention?

Creating a time and/or space for yourself to transition from work to home can help you feel more balanced and under control. Here are seven strategies that can help you make a smoother transition from work to home.

1. Create boundaries around your time. Decide on your quitting time. If you are at work outside of the home it could be about leaving at 5pm. If you are at home, it could be whatever time the kids get home from school. Pick whatever time works for you that allows you to physically and mentally leave your work behind.

2. Set a routine for leaving work that allows you to clear your mind and prepare for the next day. Use sticky notes to remind you of the next action on that project. Set an alarm to remind you 30 minutes ahead of time so you can tie up any loose ends and set yourself up for tomorrow. Even if you work from home or are “at home” you can create a routine that allows you to put away the work side and focus on the family side. Kids transition through bath time, story time or certain night time routines. You can use their transition to set up your own special routine or start yours after they are in bed.

3. Get comfy by switching into stay at home clothes on the days that you can. This tells your brain you are home for the evening.

4. Make an evening plan for yourself. Is there something you would like to get done? Use your child’s homework time as your time to get some paperwork handled or send emails. The kids see that you are available but you are not distracting.

5. Plan tomorrow – what will you wear, what will you eat, what do you need to take with you and what one thing can you do either on your way home or during your lunch that will make you feel good?

6. Get everyone in the family to share one thing that is the best, worst or funniest of their day

7. Lastly, take some time for yourself! What simple thing can you do for yourself that will bring you that sense of pleasure? Turn off the TV, skim that magazine, read that book or have a conversation with your spouse over a glass of ________.

Whatever you do, making a concentrated effort to give yourself some time to make that transition from work and the stress of the commute home to your family will benefit all.

Back to School Habits

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Hey Moms and Dads, it is time to make this year the best year ever for your family and especially your school age children. School has started, did your student…

get up without 3 or more reminders from you?

eat breakfast?

catch the bus on time?

leave with everything they needed?

If so, congratulate yourself and them (when they get home). If not, then set an earlier bed time, have them set either an earlier alarm (or music) or a backup alarm after you have woken them up the first time. When you are half asleep it is difficult to sense the passage of time so what seems like five minutes of relaxing in bed, can really be 30. Set out options for breakfast the night before or be sure to have their favorite power bars handy in case there isn’t time. Make sure clothes are put out the night before and everything they need to take with them is ready and waiting by the door. Lunches can be partially packed or at least have one spot for the snack options and drinks that you can easily grab to pack.

Set the microwave timer for 15 minutes before they need to leave. Then set it again for a five minute warning so they know when they have to be out the door. The more you can do the night before, the smoother the morning will be.

Parents, get up earlier and get yourself ready before they get up. Then once they are out the door, you can get right to whatever you need/want to do.

Now, what are you going to do for yourself today? Maybe take a walk, call a friend, go to the gym, meet for coffee – whatever it is, do something for yourself today. Enjoy!

Lights! Camera!…..ACTION! 15 Steps to Get Going

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frustrated studentTaking action and following through on something that has to be done is often difficult for those with ADHD or Executive Functioning challenges. In most cases, students and adults understand the importance of completing something but find it difficult to actually “move themselves” to action. What is happening in the brain, in my understanding, is that the level of dopamine is not sufficient to reliably carry messages/signals from one side of the brain to the other or to provide enough motivation for action. That makes this difficulty neurobiological and not motivational. There is a big difference there as often we have seen things get completed before and feel that if it can be done once why not every time? Such is life with ADHD and/or Executive Dysfunction. Inconsistent ability to take action doesn’t occur alone, it often involves other executive functions like, organization, planning, working memory, task initiation, self-regulation, focus and time management. So rather than it being one simple cause, it is often a combination of things that is getting in the way. Also not learning from previous experiences plays into why this same thing continues to happen over and over again. If possible try to break it down to see what is really getting in the way and work on one piece of the puzzle at a time.

Here’s what it may look like in students:

Inconsistent ability to complete homework regularly (or long hours spent doing it)
Last minute approach to long term projects
Being late or last minute
May look like a lack of motivation, not caring, or teen age “attitude”
Failing tests due to inability to study enough (or up past midnight studying)

In adults:

Often late (but only by a little bit) or last minute on meeting important deadlines
Procrastination and/or lack of follow through
High energy and always appear to be very busy without actually accomplishing a lot.
“Paralyzed” when they don’t know how to do something or don’t want to do it
Inability to prioritize

Here’s what can help:

    1. Make a “must do” list that only includes the top two or three things you must get to
    2. Start with the most interesting task first
    3. Set false deadlines for yourself or be accountable to someone else for completion
    4. Break it down into manageable size actionable steps and use verbs for each step
    5. Set goals and behavior contracts weekly with students (too far in advance is worthless)
    6. Act as a body double for your student by being close by during homework time and doing your “homework”
    7. Teach your child to “talk to themselves” and ask questions to keep themselves on track
    8. Support them or provide supports for them but don’t do it for them
    9. Keep the end in mind – what will the homework look like when completed and what will I do after it is?
    10. “Suffer” through five minutes – it may motivate enough to keep going
    11. Exercise or do something active to increase the dopamine in the brain before beginning (snacks and water help too)
    12. Remind yourself and/or your student of past successes
    13. Change the environment, change the task or change the expectations
    14. Use timers and allow five minute breaks for every 30 minutes of work (minimize distractions)
    15. Use plenty of positive reinforcement that mentions specific actions you see your child doing

Motivating someone else or even yourself to take action often depends on how important the task seems (that adrenaline rush is actually raising the dopamine levels too). If someone else (usually your kids or spouse) is waiting on you to do something you may be more likely to do it. In school, students can often “force” themselves to get something done for a favorite teacher or subject but may feel it is torturous for their least favorite. Start small and put checklists, timers, notes to self (especially where you leave off on a project) and use the steps above that help. Having something to look forward to can often provide an extra push so be sure to reward yourself and/or your child. Now, get going!

Stuck? 12 Ways to Encourage Cognitive Flexibility

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cognitive flexibility brainThe best way to describe the executive function of cognitive flexibility is to think of Einstein’s definition of insanity. “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That would be cognitive inflexibility. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to notice when your thinking process is not working or to notice when changes have occurred and to be flexible enough to adapt the thought process and to think differently about it. It may be that the goal of the project changed, something in the environment has changed, or the next step cannot be completed due to outside forces and thus the individual becomes stuck and can’t continue.

On the Behavioral Inventory of Executive Functions (BRIEF) there are two categories that relate to this skill; cognitive shift and behavioral shift. Together they can indicate a student’s ability to try different approaches to something whether it is in their thinking or in actually changing their behavior when they notice it is not working. Solving a math problem is a good example of this. The student knows what the answer should be and solves the problem. When the answer is not right, they erase it and try again. Often they are repeating the same mistakes without realizing it.

In students:

  • Stuck on a math problem but not realizing they are doing the same thing and are surprised the answer isn’t different.
  • Difficulty adjusting to changes in plans
  • Projects have various parts to them and when students get stuck on one piece they are unable to move forward.
  • Creative writing is a real challenge as they cannot generate new ideas as they get stuck in one frame of thought.

In adults:

  • Following processes that aren’t effective because “I’ve always done it this way.”
  • Easily “thrown off course” when conditions change
  • Difficulty providing multiple solutions or ideas or in synthesizing something new out of given information

Strategies:

  1. Give advance notice of changes with visual and/or verbal reminders (timers too)
  2. When stuck or when you see the frustration start to build, suggest a break to do something active
  3. Leave yourself a note explaining where you left off, so when you return you can pick it back up quickly
  4. Encourage brainstorming and generating multiple ideas before settling on a specific approach
  5. Start with the end in mind and work backwards
  6. Ask for help, Google it or use a website like www.khanacademy.org
  7. Use a whiteboard and don’t erase the previous approach
  8. Use stories of past successful approaches to remind them of other options/approaches
  9. Create a mind map (using colors and different shapes for key ideas)
  10. Have a backwards day where everything is done backwards
  11. Write down the approaches tried and list other options or give choices
  12. If they play video games, you can get them to explain the different strategies they used to advance to the next level and compare that to their school work

Helping your child brainstorm and learn ways to become more flexible in their thinking will help them become better problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful students. The world is not predictable and we all need to learn to adapt to the changes it may throw at us so that it doesn’t throw us off course.

 

Ready, FIRE, Aim! 7 Strategies for Self-Regulation

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targetImpulse control or self-regulation is that ability to stop and consider the options before acting and/or do what needs to be done (even if you don’t want to). Not being able to control your response in a given situation can appear to be a blatant disregard for the “rules” (whether explicit or implicit) but it is usually not. This inability to control the reaction to a situation long enough to consider the consequences or alternatives is what gets many children with ADHD in trouble, even though after the fact they can clearly explain what went wrong. It is the immediacy of the reaction whether it is verbal, physical or emotional that causes difficulties in both academic and social situations. You’ve probably heard of the marshmallow experiment they did with some young children back in the 1960’s. If they could wait fifteen minutes before eating the marshmallow in front of them, they would get another marshmallow. Those that could wait, (showed signs of self-regulation) seemed to do better in school and in life.

As adults, those with self-regulation challenges will become more “tuned” in to other’s reactions to their behaviors and often they decrease but may continue to be seen as having a short temper.

In Children:

Blurts out answers or interrupts with questions

Hits, pushes, grabs or runs off

Blows up if homework becomes difficult or can’t continue 

Tantrums and play date disasters

In Adults: 

Road rage

Impulse buys

Yelling and screaming when things don’t go their way

Inappropriate comments or jokes (and not noticing the other person’s reaction)

Ways to help:

  1. Make sure your child/teen is really aware of what happened. Often times we assume they understand when they really don’t. Talk with him or her after everyone is calm and get their perspective of what happened and why. (I call this rewind and review)
  2. Sarah Ward suggests teaching children to STOP and Read the room. STOP (slide 34) is an acronym for Space, Time, Objects and People and it teaches children to use the information they can gather to make decisions based on checking such things as; where they are,  what is happening in the moment, what do they need, and what is that person asking them?
  3. Set up a secret signal or warning word that lets your child or teen know that they are heading towards an inappropriate response and should stop and consider alternatives before reacting.
  4. Before going into a potential situation discuss the types of things that could happen and work with your child to provide alternatives. Setting clear expectations with behavior options before the situation arises is the best way to prevent potential problems.
  5. Provide examples of your own use of self-regulation by talking out loud as you go through the mental process of choosing a response. Ex. “I am so frustrated that this is not working out and I feel like I am getting mad at myself, I think I need to take a short break and think about how else I can fix this.”
  6. Some teens benefit from having a preset reward. Be sure to build up their tolerance levels by slowing increasing the length of time and push the reward out as well.
  7. Understand that your child/teen is not doing this deliberately, it is neurobiological. Also those with ADHD are emotionally/developmentally about three years behind their peers (Barkley). If possible, change the environment in any way to prevent potential problems.

Self-Regulation is probably the toughest skill to master, yet it has the biggest payoff. Using positive reinforcement before your child acts out, asking “what” questions and not “why” questions, (which often imply wrongdoing) and practicing positive responses will help build your child’s ability to self-regulate. As school begins, be sure that your child’s teacher understands Executive Dysfunction and has effective, positive strategies to help your child – or find one that does.

What DID I Come in Here For?

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Have you ever walked into a room and forgotten what you went in there for? Or sent your child to do two things and they only did one? If this kind of thing happens often then it may be a working memory issue.

Working Memory is an Executive Function skill that plays an important role in remembering what to do and how to do it.  It can have an impact on how much you and your child get done and how quickly and/or completely. Peg Dawson and Richard Guare1 define working memory as, “the ability to hold information in mind while performing complex tasks. It incorporates the ability to draw on past learning or experience to apply to the situation at hand or to project into the future.” This explains why your child can do the homework one night and the next night not have any idea. It also explains why things are left unfinished, or multiple step directions are not followed and why they do the same thing over and over even though they “know” or should know that it is wrong. It also interferes with learning from past mistakes. Multitasking or being distracted and not paying attention to details can also have an effect on your ability to use your working memory effectively.

In Children it may look like:

  • Difficulty following multi step directions (or forgets some but not all of the steps during a project)
  • Struggles with math, especially processes of more than two or three steps (ex. long division).
  • Struggles to get out the door in the morning or to remember the steps in a routine
  • May “get in trouble” for the same thing over and over
  • Really studies but fails the test

In adults:

  • Walk into a room and forget why
  • These are the people that forget they are driving when they are on their cellphone
  • Leave tasks in midstream
  • Wake up in the middle of the night remembering something they forgot to do
  • Get home from the store without the item they went for

Strategies to help working memory:

  • Write it down! Use a planner, smartphone app (Google Calendar, Color note, Evernote, Remember the Milk, Hiveminder, etc.), or notepad to keep track
  • Make it multisensory whenever possible
  • Simplify and slow down. (Multitasking reduces your IQ by 10-20 points, so use your full capacity)
  • Visualize the “end” – what will it look like when I am done/ready?
  • Cut out distractions and focus on the task at hand
  • Visual cues like using your fingers as placeholders for what you need to remember (3 things=3 fingers) and “don’t forget” lists on the back of the door.
  • Chore cards (Russell Barkley’s idea) that list the steps involved in a chore
  • Repeat out loud what you want to remember
  • Have your child repeat back what they need to do
  • Do one thing at a time until you or your child can handle more
  • Use mnemonics, acronyms or make up silly songs to remember what to do
  • Templates, checklists and pictures for processes, chores, and routines

For Learning:

  • Graphic organizers and mind maps using color, shape, and placement help the brain recall
  • Preview before reading
  • Use outlines, take notes and use highlighters when possible (different color for each step in directions)
  • Have a note buddy to share notes with your child or to call if they forget what to do
  • Write out the steps first so you can check back to see they are all done
  • Templates, checklists and pictures for processes, chores, and routines (long division, morning get ready routine, what to take to school, etc.)
  • Play games that rely on remembering to build working memory

Once you become aware of what is preventing you from remembering or can find a few strategies that will work to help you compensate for a weak working memory you can then help your child learn about what is getting in his or her way. Use reflective listening that shows you “hear” them and guide them to figure out their own solutions, don’t provide them for them. Lots of people have working memory challenges and part of it is just how the world is today. For example, the media is constantly trying to redirect our attention with what is now termed “interrupt marketing” like the pop ups on the bottom of your TV screen during a show. It is annoying and it takes determination to not let outside influences interfere with your ability to remember. So, find what works for you and help your child find what works for them.

If you care to share your favorite strategy, I’d love to hear.

1 Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare (2010)

Also recommend: Late, Lost and Unprepared by Joyce Cooper-Kahn and Laurie Dietzel, and Smart but Scattered also by Peg Dawson and Richare Guare.