Motivational

Calm or Chaotic…What is Your Choice?

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Bedroom calm or chaotic?As soon as you wake up, what do you see? Is your bedroom space a sanctuary from the stress of daily life where you can easily and calmly start your day or is it a cluttered reminder of all you’re not taking care of and making you feel overwhelmed and frustrated each and every morning?

Now, think about how you would like your master bedroom to function. Do you need it to be a “home office” space as well? Is it a TV room where your kids can go or do you pile the clean laundry on the bed with the hopes of folding it and putting it away? Or is it a place to “hold” your clutter so it is not in the rest of the house? What do you want it to be?

Clutter and Disorganization can:

  • Make getting dressed a hassle
  • Impact your sleep
  • Interfere with romance
  • Waste time
  • Increase your stress
  • Make things harder and/or take longer

What is the impact?

The truth is we cannot expand our spaces to fit all of our things so we need to either reduce how much we own or redefine what is really important to us. By removing those things that you no longer want, need or use or that do not belong, you can begin to free up some space. In the master bedroom, both parties need to share their hopes for the space. In a child’s room, they need to have input as well.

Biggest impact in a master bedroom….electronics! The TV, the ipad and even the phones all impact your sleep cycles and serve to distract you from the true priorities of that room. A new study from Brigham Young University examined how technology interferes with relationships. The researchers concluded that “technoference” can be damaging not just to a relationship but to your psychological health as well.

Clutter and disorganization can also interfere with your morning and evening routines. Those routines that are supposed to help you calmly end your day and prepare yourself for sleep can be totally thrown off if you happen to step on a lego. (You know what I mean)

Various studies also mention the effects of clutter on children. Everything from scoring lower on tests of cognitive ability and self-regulation to learned helplessness and withdrawing from academic challenges. Also, being overwhelmed by the number of options can prevent kids from using their time creatively.

Ideas to Help

  • Declutter – seriously….declutter
  • Reduce your clothing so that it fits in your storage spaces when all the laundry is done (dressers and closets)
  • Organize by grouping like things together
  • Hooks for tomorrow’s outfit and things that can be worn again
  • Bins inside drawers to hold things you don’t need to fold (pjs, socks, etc.)
  • Clear off all flat surfaces so only the necessities are there
  • Remove extra pillows and décor
  • Label clear bins in kids’ rooms to help with organization
  • Make the master bedroom inviting (and not kid friendly????)

And lastly, when you get up in the morning, make your bed. It changes the way you think about your room and gives you an automatic win for the day. So, calm or chaotic – the choice is yours.

Photo by Steven Ungermann on Unsplash

Look Back Before You Leap Forward in 2022

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new yearFarewell 2021 – Although I would like to say I am happy to see you go, the reality is that I don’t remember much of what happened in 2021. What do you remember from 2021?
I took some time to go through my journal from last year and skimmed through the photos on my phone in order to bring it all back into focus. Don’t you just love it when Google reminds you of what happened last year on this date?
The more often we recall those events, the more likely they are to stay in our memories. My planner is another place I look for past events, ideas and recurring themes. You get the idea. I searched for the high and low points of last year and the special moments that occurred and noticed some of the challenges that were sprinkled throughout.

For me, those covid added pounds and blurry work boundaries showed up throughout. For you, it might be disorganization, financial stress or negative self-talk or any number of other concerns. Whatever your top two are, I’m suggesting that you not make a resolution or a complex plan to tackle it this year. We know resolutions don’t work and we end up with more negativity and feelings of failure for something that we “feel” we should be able to do.

Let’s take another approach. It is a fact that the brain tends to focus on the negative rather than the positive side of things (it’s genetic, to protect us). Now let’s add in this new thing called, “Covid/Pandemic Fatigue” which is, according to an article on Healthline, completely natural, yet leads to being “demotivated and exhausted with the demands of life during the Covid crisis.” You don’t need me to tell you that there is more fatigue and negativity all around us – why should we promote it if we don’t have to?

New “rule” for 2022, let’s focus on the positives!

Change just one thing- your approach to each day.

There are lots of options, which ones resonate with you?

• Ask yourself, “What can I do today to be more positive or that will add to my day?”
• What can I do today to take better care of myself?
• Keep track of your successes with a Victory List
• What one thing can I organize today? (You know I had to put that in)
• Keep out the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) that creep in
• Take a photo to capture a positive in your day
• Read an uplifting quote
• Start a gratitude journal
• Go to bed on time!
• Walk away from your work – keep clear boundaries
• Turn off your screens and tune into those around you

If you do have something you want to improve or work on this year, then do it in a positive way and 2022 just may be your best year yet!

 

Graphic thanks to Freepik:

Three Keys to an Extraordinary Year

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magic of intentionsEach year we start out with the best of intentions. Sometimes though, those intentions can turn out to be so much extra work that we quickly give up. Let’s take a look at three things you can do to make sure you are doing things for the right reasons.

First up, a family meeting is a great way to hear what is important about the year from each person’s perspective. In order to make logical choices for you and your family, you will need to create some boundaries.

Create some Boundaries:

• Decide if “x” is worth your time, energy or effort before you say yes. Sure, you may want to do it all but at what price?
• What is fun for each person? Can you incorporate that into a plan?
• Handle or prevent those interruptions and obligations that you can control and find a way to limit or cut short those that have you at the mercy of someone else.
• Turn off your alerts and decide when you will be available.
• Get everyone involved and listen to their input. They will be more invested in the outcomes.

Taking care of yourself is the next key. It’s hard to let go of our own expectations sometimes but it is extra important to stay well this year. Self-care means making the time to exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, socialize and do the things that lower your stress level. Being organized makes your life easier too, why do things the hard way when you don’t have to?

Self-Care keys:

• Create morning and evening routines that serve you that include a specific bedtime and wake up time.
• Set aside some time for yourself. (Sometimes that means locking the bathroom door – do whatever it takes).
• Choose wisely grasshopper, as you are trading away time that can never be regained.
• What helps you feel recharged? Can you fit that in somewhere?

Lastly, Planning and Prioritizing are important. Prioritizing will keep the important things on the top of the list and having a plan will keep you on track. By creating an action list the night before, you have time to think about how important those tasks are to you. Without a plan your day can go in any direction but with a plan you are in charge of where it goes.

Ways to Plan and Prioritize:

• It’s okay to not be able to do it all – some things should never be done, and some can easily be put off as long as you are the one that decides. Get the family to pitch in too.
• Schedule in even the tiniest tasks, don’t list a project with multiple steps on the list just the next step.
• Estimate how long you think a task will take and then time yourself. Don’t forget to include travel time, prep time and clean up time.
• Be realistic in the amount you can accomplish in one day. Start small and build your momentum by getting the higher priorities or the more distasteful (but important) ones done
early.

Keeping these three keys in mind will help you focus on what is really important this year and hopefully it will help you feel less stressed-and that’s my hope for you.

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Do You Suffer From Procrastivity?

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Procrastivity and procrastination stickiesProcrastivity is part procrastination and part activity. We all know that procrastination is not a good thing. It means putting off things that you know you really should be doing. However, procrastivity is when you “put off” (procrastinate) on what you REALLY should be doing in favor of another activity that also needs to be done but is less brain taxing. Sure, the (less important) task needs to be done and you want to feel some sense of accomplishment – but, should it be the priority? Probably not. You will feel the cost of it later when the real priority is due. For example, doing laundry instead of the taxes.

Do you procrastinate, because….

• You don’t understand what you need to do?
• It is a boring task?
• It is too hard or complex?
• It takes “too much time” or you just don’t know how long it will take?
• It has too many steps?

So instead, Russell Ramsey, Ph.D., notes in his article in Psychology Today, that when you surrender to procrastivity, it may be because the activity is maybe more hands-on, or has a routine to it that you don’t really need to think about. It is often an activity where you can see the progress and know what the end point looks like. For example, you know when the laundry is done but not necessarily how long it will take for the taxes to be done (which usually feels like forever!).

What can help?

It is important that at some time you complete the task that you have been procrastinating on. If you have ADHD it might be when the deadline gets closer and you use that adrenaline/anxiety push to get you through it. But what does that cost you? Stressing yourself out to get something accomplished can have all kinds of serious effects – think stress, high blood pressure, fatigue, lack of sleep, weight gain (from feeding that cortisol monster) etc. That’s a high price! So, what can you do instead?
First of all, be careful what you put on that “to do” list. Make sure that you are listing tasks and not projects. A project is anything with multiple steps. That’s why kids can never “clean their room” because it is really a number of separate things to do and not just one thing. Keep that in mind when you want to write “do taxes” when you really mean, collect documents for taxes. Sure, it might make your list look longer but I would encourage you to only put down 3-5 tasks for the day. The rest of the list can “live” somewhere else and you can pick from it each day but don’t overwhelm yourself by listing everything you wish you could do today.

Ramsey also suggests making the task more manual or action oriented to get started. It may be collecting what you need to start the task and putting them where you will be working. Then decide what the next step should be. Once you get the task rolling you might see that it is not as bad as you thought and you’ll keep working. Be careful though, make sure you know the minimal amount of time you are willing to commit to the task. Then if you go over – hurray! If you don’t – at least you did what you promised yourself. Take pleasure in that.

If you are suffering from overwhelm and feel that you will get to the task after you do “x” or “y”, or when you feel better – I have to tell you it doesn’t work that way. You can’t wait until you feel better or get “x” done – so you should just set a day and time where you will commit to working on it. Then keep that promise.

Getting started or task initiation is one of the executive function skills that those with ADHD find the most challenging. Often the first thing that happens is that the “planning monster” takes over. Creating a long, but beautiful to do list doesn’t help you get to the action piece. It may in fact overwhelm and paralyze you. Breaking it down into its smallest steps and lowering your expectations to completing 3-5 tasks rather than 25 will help you build that action muscle. You might also discover that the feeling of accomplishment helps you complete more.

Is Your Kitchen a Dream or a Nightmare?

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Organized kitchenThe kitchen is the heart of the home. It’s where we cook, we eat and we connect with our loved ones. Special occasions will find friends and family gathering there too. Shouldn’t it be an organized, peaceful place?

Working from home over the past 18 months and having to make 3 meals a day, has had me in the kitchen much more often. How about you?

Do you feel like your kitchen is organized and functional or do you hate to cook because of all the work it takes to find things? Are things easy to grab or do you need to move other things that you rarely use in order to reach them?

  • Is this set up working for me?
  • Am I using all the appliances and gadgets that are stored here?
  • Can I quickly find what I need?
  • Do I have enough space to work?
  • How often do I use that roasting pan and why is it taking up valuable space?

Here are 5 things you can do to make your kitchen more functional and less of a nightmare:

  1. Remove those things that are only used for holidays and special occasions. Move them somewhere else that you can still get to easily but out of the kitchen.
  2. Reduce the number of mismatched dishes, mugs, and glasses down to what you really need. Clear out all the old tupperware and saved plastic containers – they are not healthy to use. Save enough dishes, etc. to not have to wash them daily. Dishtowels, cleansers and cooking utensils, what’s reasonable?
  3. Clear the countertops- less is better. What do you really use daily or at least weekly? Coffee makers and large kitchenaid mixers can probably stay but canisters, appliances you rarely use can be stored off of the counters.
  4. Create a “work zone”. Where do you usually prep for cooking? Make sure you have what you’ll need within arm’s reach such as knives, cutting boards, spices and utensils. Creating zones for serving and cooking can also be helpful.
  5. Organize cabinets and drawers so things are easy to reach and you don’t need to move A to get to B. Racks, hooks and pull out shelves are easy to install. Group spices, oils and vinegars together near your cooking zone. Group food together too.    Organized kitchen cabinet

By making your kitchen more functional, you may find you enjoy being in it more and that meal prep is less stressful. Having a meal plan can help and regular cleaning routines so that dishes don’t pile up can make a big difference in how you feel when you walk into the kitchen.

 

Are Your Systems Working For You?

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All systems go?Have you ever been frustrated with something that you knew wasn’t working for you, yet didn’t take the time to fix it? Often, we tolerate those “niggly” things that we should just take care of because we think they will take a long time or at the moment we don’t have the time to fix it. So, let’s put together a list to see what you have been tolerating and what it is time to deal with.
Your Systems - You will need to schedule some time to deal with anything that needs tweaking, but let’s start looking around first.
  • How is your mail system? Do you keep it all in one place or is it on the counter, on the table or in several piles somewhere else? Are your bills in all of those places as well?
  •  Do you have a bill paying system? Many bills are automatically paid online these days but there are still some bills that must be paid “manually” do you keep up with them or have you had to pay late fees?
  • Where do you charge your devices? Are you often searching for the charger? Or the device?
  • Do the dishes seem to pile up or do you need to move things around on the counters in order to have space to work?
  • Are your shoes piled up near the door? Do you really need all of your shoes there? What needs to change here?
  • How about your clothes? Is your closet stuffed or your drawers overflowing? Is your laundry system working for you or do your clothes stay in the dryer (or hamper) until you need them?
  • Are your meals planned ahead or do find yourself running to the grocery store with everyone else at 5pm?
  • How is your car running? Do you keep up with car maintenance and regularly fill your gas tank?
  • Is bedtime a struggle? Or do you go to bed around the same time each night?
  • Do you exercise/walk regularly?
Now What Do I Do?
There are ten (easy to fix) systems that keep your home (and you) running smoothly and prevent unnecessary stress. How many of them do you need to work on? As a coach, I have learned that everyone needs to find what works for them. What works for one person might not work for another. Pick one system at a time and look deeper into what it is that bothers you about it. Is it a matter of storage or placement or do you need to containerize something – whatever it is, you know best what will work for you.
For those of you that aren’t sure, I hesitate to say, check the internet because that can be rabbit hole you may not ever get out of. Think minimize, containerize and plan ahead instead of jumping on the web. Sometimes your system just needs some maintenance. Put things back the way they were and see if that helps. Systems cannot maintain themselves so. a weekly reset will keep things running smoothly. Remember, the more you hold onto, the more you have to take care of. Simplify, simplify, simplify!

Pandemic Paper Purge Part 2

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Last month we talked about cleaning up some of the paper piles that you have been collecting and reducing the amount of paper you hold onto “just in case.” I hope that you are feeling lighter by now and can focus on reducing the number of places you keep the remaining papers so you can find what you need when you need it. If you didn’t finish, that’s okay but try to deal with all the paper that is coming into your home each day. Don’t wait until you have cleared out the backlog as that is an ongoing process, not one that can be done quickly.

Three Kinds of Paper

  1. The first group of papers are the irreplaceable ones. The social security cards, the deed to the house, the title for your car, your marriage license, passports, etc. Sure, you could probably figure out how to get a replacement but it wouldn’t be easy. This can include sentimental memorabilia and specialty items. Not photos though, they have their own storage needs.
  2. Then there are the bills – if anyone except me still gets paper bills - that need to be “touched” at least monthly or quarterly in the case of property tax or water bills. These are short term papers. The receipt for those gloves you bought but haven’t worn them enough to know if you really want to keep them. The utility bills, receipts for things you have purchased or papers from school. This category also includes the things you are thinking about purchasing and the fliers you want to review before recycling. Keeping magazines and catalogs in this category avoids the year long pile up that can occur.
  3. Lastly, there are long term storage These papers don’t need to be accessed for a year or more. This is where tax records, and warranty information and manuals live (if you tend to keep that kind of stuff).

Where to Store?

For Irreplaceable Items: These items should be stored in a fireproof, waterproof, portable container in case you need to leave your house in a hurry. You might want to put copies of your credit card information, your license and health care cards, doctors’ names and contact information in there too. Think of the things you would need if you had to leave your home and make sure those things (or copies of them) are in there.

Short term papers: I am sure you have one spot for all the bills – you do, don’t you? It can be wherever you want it to be, but all bills and short-term papers need to go there and no where else. No one wants to scour the whole house looking for that property tax bill that came two months before it was due. Some clients have set up “command centers” using a hanging file box and different folders for action, bills, school schedules, receipts, etc. I have a set of cubbies over the desk in the kitchen – best idea ever! Wherever you decide to keep them, keep all of the papers there so you only need to look in one place. If you are crafty though and keep a lot of ideas for future projects, you might want to set up a space to keep all that stuff together as well. Take the time to label things in broad categories so you don’t need to go through the whole drawer to find one pattern. Magazines and catalogs you want to go through can also be contained in a basket or bin. When the next one comes in – the first one goes out.

Long term Storage: This storage should be out of the way but still easy to get to. You don’t want it taking up valuable space in a closet when it can stay safely in a plastic box in the attic or a dry basement. As your kids grow, this may also be the space you put there most treasured items. Be sure to use an archival box to protect them. I hesitate to even mention warranty booklets – most are available online so there is no need to hold onto them. Think about how many times you have actually had to use one of them. Was it worth holding onto? The biggest problem with long term storage is it mostly likely will not get looked at again. Every year though when you go to put your tax documents away you can take out the documents from 4 years ago and shred them. If you are getting electronic copies, you can delete them too. The records your computer is holding also need to be gone through and/or put into folders that have broad categories with very specific file names. Computer documents are a whole newsletter on their own. I mention them because the push now is to scan copies and shred the paper copies in order to reduce the paper in your home. If you do that, be sure to tag them and use specific file names so you can find what you are looking for.

How Much is Enough?

You will need to decide how much paper you feel you “must” hold onto. Ask yourself can it be replaced, what is the worst that could happen if I don’t have this and seriously will I ever get to this project? Then decide where to keep it. If you have storage already set up, be sure to go through and purge what you can before adding in the new.  (Photos and memorabilia should have their own home). It is an investment in time for sure, but when you need something and can go directly to the cabinet to get it – you will feel so proud of the effort you put in.

Get started now – don’t leave it all for your kids to go through????

PS Don’t forget to shred anything with your name or identifying information on it. Identity theft happens. Good luck!

Clutter Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Music to My Ears

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MusicMusic is everywhere. Sometimes we hear it and sometimes we don’t. You may suddenly realize you have a “tune” stuck in your head and have no idea that it was playing in the store you just left. Students can now bring their music to school and use it while they work independently.

Well, I recently worked with a student who was taking a “music theory” class and learned that there is much more to music than I ever realized. He was having some difficulty with it and it’s hard to know what or how to study when you don’t really understand it. So, he taught me a few things but I could see the big concepts were hard for him to put into language I (aka a novice) could understand. That’s one of the key ways I can tell if a student really understands something….if they can explain it in language that someone else with little or no knowledge of the subject can understand.

Aside from piano lessons as a child and a music appreciation class, I have little understanding of the inner workings of music – however I do love music!

Here’s how I use music:

  • To give me energy when I am running low or have run out
  • To lift my mood
  • To motivate
  • As a workout
  • As a distraction
  • To reduce stress
  • To get both sides of my brain working (great for learning)
  • For time management (beat the clock and finish a task before it ends.)

How do you use music? Let me know in the comments box please….I’d like it not to say “no comments”.

Thanks for reading.

Laine

 

 

Image by Frauke Riether from Pixabay

Where Oh Where Is My Motivation?

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Mountain MotivationMotivation is that “intangible thing” that drives us to do something willingly. I’m sure you have felt it when you get into a project and the time flies by and you are making great progress. You may also have experienced motivation’s evil twin “procrastination.” That’s when no matter how hard you try you cannot seem to make progress. It is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, frustration, stress and anger.

Motivation has been defined as the purpose one has for taking action. It can be an internal or external push but many people believe that you either have motivation or you don’t. What do you think? On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your level of motivation for the next “to-do” item on your list?

If you don’t have it, then what can you do to get it? It is not like you can order it or buy it at your local motivation store – although that would be sweet. No, you have to dig deep or figure out some strategies that will work for you. Everyone has to find what motivates them but there are some strategies that everyone can benefit from.

Know Your Big Why

“Motivation is a set of habits and routines, guided by your values and your identity, that you carry out every day.” “When you combine purpose, energy and small simple steps, you get sustainable motivation.” says Jim Kwik, author of Limitless (the book I am currently reading).

It seems that knowing your purpose or your big WHY for doing “x” plays a big role in your motivation. If you don’t know why you are doing something or it is not important to you, then it is no surprise that you cannot get motivated to do it. I am thinking of all the students that get “busy” work to fill their time without ever being given the reasoning behind the work. No wonder it is so challenging for students to do homework.

Once you understand the purpose (your purpose) for doing the task then Jim Kwik talks about managing your energy. It is easier to be motivated if you are feeling your best – but what does that entail? Kwik talks about…

  • the 10 healthiest foods for your brain
  • the importance of sleep, water and exercise
  • controlling those automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that tend to sneak in when things aren’t going well.

When you are motivated – extremely motivated, it is often referred to as being in “flow.”

Find Your Edge

Another author, James Clear (of Atomic Habits fame) also mentions that whatever you are working on needs to provide a certain amount of challenge – but not too much. He refers to the Goldilocks rule this way, “humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities – not too hard, not too easy, just right. Now look at what you are trying to do, is it within that range?

Make sure that you are not losing motivation because you are looking at a “project” with multiple steps vs. just the next step in the process. The smaller the step, the more likely you will be motivated to do it. James Clear also suggests that you schedule when you will work on it because you are more likely to work on something that has been scheduled rather than waiting until you feel motivated to work on it. Waiting for that feeling – rarely happens but you can help encourage motivation by setting up a routine that tells your brain it is time to get working on “x”. Clear calls it a “pregame routine” where it starts a series of motions that are simple to do but moves you in the direction of actually working on whatever it is. It’s a bit like Newton’s law of a body in motion stays in motion. So, once you get moving on it, make sure you are getting some feedback about the progress you are making. Look for successes in the smallest bits of progress so that you can feel good about the action you are taking. This will help feed your brain the dopamine it craves to keep working.

Motivation then becomes more about something you DO, rather than something you need to FIND. It’s not missing – you had the power within you all the time Dorothy.

What Can You Do in 100 Days?

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January 20, 2021, Inauguration day, was the start of President Biden’s term as the 46th President. He has mentioned that he has  an ambitious plan for his first 100 days. That got me thinking why not create my own 100-day plan? Think of all that you could do/change/create or improve in 100 days. What would that feel like?

What better time to start fresh, clean out the clutter, establish new healthy habits, add some volunteering time or just add some structure back into your day than January (which is officially Get Organized Month).  We are still in the midst of the pandemic and many of us are spending more time at home. We all have our own burdens and losses but today I felt a sense of hope and a pervasive calm that I haven’t felt in a long time. If you are not feeling it maybe it is time for a change. Change starts small and builds. Everyone can take baby steps in the direction of their dreams and it can start today.

Step 1: What is your intention for 2021 (or more manageably) the first quarter of 2021? An intention is defined by Google as, “a thing intended; an aim or plan.” Living with intention means living a more balanced “on purpose” life that you are directing. It is turning off the autopilot and making conscious choices about how you want your life to be. Or an intention can just be the state of mind you want to focus on.

The cover of my new planner from (www.plumpaper.com ) says “Make today count” and I picked it because it was the message for my year and also because I could create the calendar part to work for me. (You can design your planner to fit your needs.) It has places for the top two priorities for the day and a space for the goal for the week. I added in a habit tracker where I can check off the days, I keep that intention.

Step 2: If organization has been a struggle for you then start by creating routines. If your routine includes emptying the sink of dishes before going to bed, then you are building your organization muscle at the same time that you are managing your time and energy. Soon you may discover the dishes go straight into the dishwasher and don’t collect in the sink. Adding a 10-minute pick up to your evening routine can help make your mornings run smoothly. No more searching for the car keys or important bill because they are in their places. What would make a successful routine for you?

Step 3: Choice Architecture. I love that term but it doesn’t really seem to mean what I think it should. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by too many choices and as the day wears on our decision-making power can get used up, making it more difficult to make decisions. Choice architecture is about designing the environment so you don’t have to choose. Setting up things so you have no choice like workout clothes on the end of your bed or that big project laid out on your desk or connecting new behaviors to already established habits so that when you brush your teeth you also drink a glass of water (or whatever it is you want to do).

Start small and just keep moving in the right direction. Keep your intention in focus, keep tweaking your routines until they REALLY work for you and set your environment up for success. If you miss a day, forgive yourself and start again. The new research says it takes 66 times of doing something before it becomes a habit. If you need ideas or strategies to help, I will be posting to FaceBook daily tips for the next 100 days so check us out there.