Whenever I mention the word, “routine” people seem to roll their eyes or instantly say, “Routines don’t work for me.” Maybe they are thinking that a routine is too rigid or it is too much to remember at the beginning and so they give up before giving it a good try, which is about 66 days.
A routine does not need to be “perfect”, but having one reduces the strain on the brain, gives a feeling of being in control, and helps you manage yourself and your time more realistically. If you’re a parent, helping your children design their own routines can encourage ownership and builds independence.
Step 1: Bookends
When creating a new routine, it is helpful to have something to remind you to start or end it. That added structure needs a cue of some sort to help you remember. For example, you could set a specific bedtime and wake up time. Add in a visual or auditory cue to help signal that it is getting close to that time. Reminders on your phone if that works for you, but don’t just dismiss it unless you have started your routine that it is marking.
Getting a consistent good night’s sleep does wonders for your energy level, mood and focus. Not to mention all the health benefits. Keep the phones out of the bedroom to sleep deeper. Clear the clutter and the path to the bed and cover or disconnect the random light sources as they interfere with your body’s ability to maintain the melatonin levels needed for deep sleep. Add in a calming activity to help transition into sleep.
Step 2: Prep and Organize
In a previous article, I mentioned that decision fatigue was real and that each decision you make in the morning uses up some of that finite amount. To save some decision energy for later in the day, you need to minimize the number of decisions in the morning. That means prep whatever you can the night before.
We’ve all heard about putting your clothes out the night before and packing your lunch or work bag and leaving it by the door, but creating special “spaces” for these things, helps you better manage the morning. For example, a landing/launch pad for things going out the door, a specific hook for tomorrow’s outfit and/or space for two pairs of shoes near the door instead of all of your shoes, will save you so much time and stress. Add in a hook for the car keys and your bag and you can greatly reduce that stress.
Organizing the kitchen, your closet, your kids’ clothes, a homework space and the entry way to have just the necessities can greatly cut down on the time it takes to get ready and out the door. Checklists or pictures for younger children to start building their routines (with your support) encourages their independence and makes them feel capable. That’s the way to a great day!
Step 3: Making Connections
Taking time to make connections is probably the most important step of all. How often are we rushing through the day trying to either get things done or get the kids to different activities that we don’t slow down long enough to really connect?
Trying to have dinner together as a family, or even breakfast if that time works better can go a long way towards building a strong connection. Checking in shows you care (just don’t mention homework) and provides an opening for your kids to share that might not happen during the course of a rush here and there evening. It’s a great way to check in with your spouse too. Share good parts of their day or the toughest, doesn’t matter as long as you listen and don’t try to solve their problems for them.
Sometimes, a short walk around the neighborhood can help a child open up about something that is bothering them. Taking a walk alone can also help you connect with yourself, if it’s been one of “those” days. Having a family game night or planning a weekend activity builds confidence and reinforces the family as a team.
For those kids with ADHD, the smallest positives can help to outweigh the negatives they may be hearing all day long. Remember to praise their efforts and not their “intelligence” which they have no control over. Guide and support yourself and your kids to develop routines that work and you will be able to calm the chaos and reduce the stress. And that benefits everyone!