goals

Embracing Change – Are You Ready?

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Transitions, a time for changeI have a love/hate relationship with August, how about you? On the one hand it signifies the ending of the summer (hate) and the transition to cooler weather (which I am welcoming after the hot, hazy, and humid, summer we have had in the northeast – love) but also that transition back to “normal”. Normal as in back to school for the kids and back to your more typical routine and schedule if your schedule has been different during the summer. Do you embrace change or try to run from it?

Transitions

These transitions, are a normal part of life, and can elicit both excitement and/or fear and anything in between. Excitement, even though it is for something good, (new home, job, baby) can often bring up fears from the past. The most common fears are the fear of the unknown, the fear of repeating past failures, or self-doubt in your abilities, all of which can increase your stress level.

Through coaching, many of my clients have been able to focus on the things they can control, rather than the fears that they really have no control over. They can begin to embrace change with a more positive outlook, and see it as an opportunity for growth and learning. This increased belief in themselves also builds their resilience and develops their agency.

How to Navigate a Transition

Let’s focus on the things you do have control over. This goes for your children as well. Many of them may experience the same fears as mentioned based on last years’ school experience. Moving to a new school can also bring out the fear of the unknown and some self-doubt about their abilities. These fears, whether realistic or not, should still be accepted rather than dismissed. Together you can explore them more thoroughly to see if they are based in reality or not. Using yourself as an example can help your children see that questioning our abilities is natural, but that by being proactive we can build those skills needed to feel more in control.

Navigating Transitions

    • Set clear goals – what do you want from this change? How can you turn it into a positive rather than focusing on the negative? Now figure out what you need to do, have or be to get that? Break it down into small manageable steps so that you can see the path to get there.
    • Prepare ahead – if this transition involves a change in schedule, start now to practice. Does your bedtime need to change? Start setting an alarm to get up at the time you will need to. (This is also good to get kids in the habit of getting up – on their own).
    • Organize your environment – can you find what you need, when you need it (quickly)? Is your home easy to navigate or do you need to clear the table off before you can eat there? Are you using up energy moving things, or searching for things? Take some time before the transition to help “future you” feel more in control. How about your child’s study space: where is it and is it organized and distraction free?
    • Create routines – routines provide structure to your day and help to take some of the strain off of your brain as they become automatic. We all learned how important structure is during the pandemic when it all went away. Routines save brain bandwidth and decision-making power to be used for more important things in your day. Creating morning, evening and homework routines for the whole family, sets clear expectations and helps your children develop agency and independence.
    • Manage Time/Self – We can’t really “manage” time but we can become more aware of it and how we use it or waste it. Do you often feel like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it? Take a look and see what is getting in the way. Are you forgetting things because they were not written down or you lost the sticky it was on? Then maybe it is time to create a new system that will work for you. Planners, phones, index cards, notebooks, mind maps, or bullet journals, it doesn’t matter as long as you will use it. We can no longer keep our to do list in our heads (even though it should only have 3-5 tasks on it). One distraction can erase it from our working memory. You need something that works for today, but also something that holds your tasks, thoughts and ideas that are not for today. Ways to manage your tasks can be batching similar tasks together, using a Pomodoro technique approach, delegating or delaying. Lastly, managing your distractions, keeping an eye on an analog clock, and focusing on one priority at a time can help you get more of the important things done.
    • Cultivate Resources – Making sure you have resources for support and help as well as, resources that help you relax and reduce stress. What are the activities that recharge you? How can you use these resources for this new transition? Who can help you when you are feeling overwhelmed, are stuck or don’t understand something? Create a list for these as in the moment, it can be difficult to come up with something that will help.
    • Celebrate – We often focus on the negative, like those things we didn’t get done, rather than taking time to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. Take time and rejoice in your achievements and how you handled the transition and it may just increase your motivation and confidence for what’s next.

These seven steps can help make any transition easier because they help “future you” be less stressed and feel more in control. Help your children with these steps as they get ready for a new start this fall. You can make this your family’s best year yet!

5 Steps to a Summer with Intention

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Summer of intention at the beachIt’s summer at last! Let’s take advantage of all that summer has to offer by being more purposeful and deliberate about how we chose to use our time and energy. Here are five steps to help you have a summer of intention and make great memories too.

    1. First, figure out what is important to you and your family. What interests, experiences or goals would you like to have or do this summer? Brainstorm without censoring so you can pick the most important ones.
    1. Set goals that are measurable, so you will actually know if you achieve them. Whether you want to learn a new skill, work on a hobby or go on vacation somewhere, decide what is the endgame?
    1. Since “a goal without a plan is just a wish” as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said in his book, The Little Prince, you’ll need to create a plan for reaching those goals. Start by breaking down each goal into manageable steps then either create a routine or some structure in your day for working on the steps.

A summer plan is designed to change up the hectic routine and add some open time to enjoy the things that are meaningful to you and also make time to be spontaneous. Explore, try new activities, and take time to do nothing, whatever helps you to recharge.

    1. Next, look at your schedule to see where you can squeeze in summer. Is your vacation already planned? If not, that should be your first priority. We all have the same 168 hours per week, how are you using yours?

Are there any weekly or monthly activities that you can cut down on or bow out of for the summer? Do you have projects you can put on hold? Can you cut down or reduce the stress of those projects by letting go, delaying, picking one day a week or month to work on it or chipping away 20-30 minutes a day at it? Do whatever works for you.

Could you get up an hour earlier? Ease up on the hectic pace and change the routine to see if you can’t gain an hour or two a day for yourself. Block out some time in your planner then if something comes up it will be easier for you to say “No, I am sorry I already have a commitment on that day.” Don’t have a big block of time?

Add some spontaneous, (intentional summer) fun during the week such as:

  • breakfast on the deck
  • lunch at the park
  • a picnic dinner at the beach
  • read for 30 minutes in the hammock
  • camp out in your own backyard
  • Stargazing
  • walking the beach at night
  • riding your bike around the neighborhood

You get the idea. These are the spontaneous activities that only take a few extra minutes to do. Sometimes when we try to think of what to do in the moment, we struggle to think of ideas that aren’t really obvious. Here’s where having a list of activities and ideas that you have thought of before can make deciding so much easier. (It’s helpful for kids to come up with their own lists for when you hear the inevitable, “I’m bored!”) CHADD has an article with tips on helping your kids transition from school to summer. Read it here.

    1. Practice self-care. The summer is a great time to think about your health. Physical health; do you want to be more active, need to add more fresh, nutritious foods into your diet and/or do you need to get more sleep? Don’t forget your mental health too. What helps you recharge and/or reduce your stress? Want to start meditating, journaling or start a new hobby? Whatever it is, the summer is a great time to begin.

A summer with intention is about finding the balance between setting and working towards goals and being spontaneous. Allow yourself to embrace spontaneity and enjoy the summer season, while still staying true to your intentions. Wishing you an intentional, fun and spontaneous summer!

Coaching 101 – Are you Ready?

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Ready to make a change? Are you tired of the same old situation that causes you stress or is there a challenge you would like to overcome or a dream you just can’t seem to get to? Coaching can help you become the person you know you can be by utilizing your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses.

If you are facing a challenge, then coaching is a way to help you envision the future you would have if you no longer faced this challenge. Coaching might discuss what has been getting in the way of making this change before, but also what would the impact be on you and your family if you overcame this challenge. Take a moment to just imagine what your life would feel like if you no longer faced this challenge. Imagine the possibilities!

Example of a coaching topic: Parent with a child with ADHD who wanted to learn to communicate in a more positive, loving manner and to decrease the negativity.

Coaching uses questions, not questions that require a “yes” or “no” response, but deeper level questions that we call “powerful questions.”  These powerful questions promote awareness, reflection, discovery and action.

You, the coachee, determine the agenda or topic for discussion and together we will uncover the puzzle pieces until the picture reveals itself. Together we may design “experiments” as possible strategies that you can try out and evaluate before moving forward – all while keeping your agenda in focus, with the understanding that you are naturally creative, resourceful and whole and have the answers within you – we just need to discover them. Creating experiments provides a safe, practice that focuses on the successes and provides more data for the next time, if it should fail.

Ex: Student looking to become more organized and reduce the frustration of not being able to find what they need, when they need it.

Coaching can offer accountability which can serve to motivate you to complete whatever you said you wanted to do. One thing is different here, there is no guilt if you do not complete your task. Instead, we would explore what happened and make adjustments as necessary for the next “experiment.

Ex: Parent deciding whether or not to go back to work after being home with her children.

Coaching is a process, not an event and as with any change, it takes time. Through this exploration you will discover your needs and values, your strengths and how to use them to minimize the challenges. This new learning will empower you to achieve your goals and dreams. Isn’t it time you found out what could be possible with coaching?

Add Power to Your Day – Set an Intention

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sunrise over hilltopDo you start each day with an intention or do you let the day unfold as it will? An intention according to Oxford Dictionaries is, “a thing intended; an aim or plan.” Now that might sound a bit like a goal, but I see the goal as having an endpoint. An intention is more of a feeling, an awareness or a purpose rather than a specific result. With an intention set for the day, you may find that it guides how you go through your day. Remember we are talking feelings and not results.

For example, maybe you want to make a point of daily self-care, or intend to be more deliberate about taking in the experiences that only summer in New England can offer.  Or, maybe you want to be more present with your kids or, simply decide to find joy throughout your day. Whatever it is, it needs to be meaningful to you.

If that seems overwhelming (after all, the choices are unlimited) then take a tip from Joshua Becker – whose book, The Minimalist Home, I am currently reading. He uses one sentence each day:

“Today, I commit myself to ____________________.”

His blog goes on to give examples such as,

      • “Today, I commit myself to being the best mother I can be.
      • Today, I commit myself to healthy eating.
      • Today, I commit myself to this work goal.”

Of course, you can have intentions for more specific things too, like getting through the meeting, showing understanding with your kids, putting things away as you use them. It can be anything that speaks to you and your life. It is not a “to do”, it is more like an “approach” to your day. Sometimes we get so caught up in the to do’s that we lose our sense of who we want to be. Keeping an intention in mind, can keep you focused on the important aspect of your life (hint: it is not about doing more)

Now, you may find that by repeating the same intention for a week or a month, that certain things change. Simply focusing on an area, increases its presence. You’ve heard the statement that “energy flows where intention goes.” You may find that it may lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself or a change in behavior that will enhance your life.

My Intention: Today I set clear boundaries around my work and play time and respect what I accomplish. What’s your intention for today?

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“Don’t just drift through life. Live with intention and purpose.” Joshua Becker

7 Benefits of Coaching

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change buttonWouldn’t it be nice if changing your life was as easy as hitting a button? Last month’s blog talked about things you could do to create a new habit or change something about your life. But sometimes it takes more than “willpower” or reminders on your phone, it takes help. Help can come from a friend, family member, coworker, coach, book, or internet. It depends on what you are looking for as to which type of help you might need.

If you are serious about making a change or developing a new goal for yourself or deciding to finally get organized, then a coach could be beneficial. There are all kinds of coaches and it can be difficult to figure out what kind of coach is best for you and for what you want to change. First you want to check that the coach has been through an approved program with actual coaching practice time. Then based on what you want to do, pick a coach that specializes in that field. It might be a health coach, business coach, life coach or organizer coach, etc. The list goes on but I want to focus on an Organizer Coach.

An Organizer Coach has experience in ADHD, organizing and coaching. This trifecta of knowledge combines together to help you better understand yourself, develop goals, implement strategies, manage responsibilities and empowers you to live the life you dream of.  As a COC (Certified Organizer Coach) I believe that you have all the answers inside you just waiting to get out. I believe you are creative and resourceful and if asked the right questions, can come to develop a goal, strategy or plan that nourishes your life.

Here are seven ways an Organizer Coach can help you change your dreams into reality:

  1. Help you pursue your goals and dreams by helping you determine the specifics and breaking them down into manageable steps.
  2. Can help you understand ADHD and how it is impacting your life – and the odds are it is impacting your life.
  3. Helps you figure out how to manage your time and yourself (ex. strategies to stop procrastination, set boundaries and plan your priorities).
  4. Holds you accountable for what you want to do (you determine the how, when and why you need to feel successful).
  5. Provides support and acts as a sounding board while you work through it. Sometimes, things are not as simple as they appear and coaching can help you dive deeper into understanding yourself and hold up a non-judgmental mirror to help you reframe your thinking.
  6. Develop personalized strategies and systems. If you have tried before and failed with systems or strategies it is important to figure out what “actually” happened and find another way that compensates for that.
  7. Empowers you to live the life you dream of. Getting some guidance can bring joy (with a little bit of work) into your life that you had previously only wished for.

Does reading this motivate you? Are you ready to make a change and improve your life? Then click here for more information about our group coaching class starting soon.

Make 2015 Your Year

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Only a few days left in January…..if you made a New Year’s resolution or set a new goal, research says you may have given up by now. Has that happened to you? We all start off with good intentions but then somehow we slip back into our “old” ways. Without realizing it our habits take over and by the time we realize it, we’ve slipped.

What if you had a way to interrupt those ingrained habits? You see the problem with trying to do the same thing is that the same problems appear. If it is a new habit we are trying to create then motivation can be hard to find sometimes, or we don’t have what we need, or life interrupts and something else becomes more urgent (notice I didn’t say more important).  Has that ever happened to you? The result is a slow and steady draining of your energy whether you realize it or not.

Without understanding why that resolution or new goal is important to you, you are only seeing the fact that you didn’t do “x”. You are not seeing the big picture of how accomplishing that goal is going to make you feel, or what affect it will have on you and your family. You only see that you didn’t do it. In coaching we say that you are losing sight of the “big agenda” which simply put is who you are becoming. Why did you pick that resolution or goal? Who do you have to become to realize it?

No matter how big your “why” is, you can improve your odds of accomplishing something with a little help from your friends. Well, not really your friends as sometimes they have a tendency to “go easy” on you and let you off the hook if you whine enough about the crazy week you’ve had. You want a coach or accountability partner that will empathize but will also ask you to think deeper about what got in the way and then nonjudgmentally support you and guide you back to your big “why.”

Group coaching is a great way to get that kind of support and accountability. A small group of like-minded women working together to support each other can do amazing things. If you’re ready to make this “your year”, then join our group starting the end of February. Call or email me today as the group is limited to 6 and will be held in the Norwell/Hingham area. (781) 659-0513 or laine@laineslogic.com. Do it for yourself!

Goal Setting for Teens III

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setgoals1Now that we have determined how to set a SMART goal(please see previous posts) it is time to take it to the next level and actually design a plan or strategy for achieving it. Take a look at your goal, if you have followed the steps in the previous two posts then your goal is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time specific.

Next, determine what needs to be done to attain that goal by breaking it down into actionable steps. I use a big blank piece of paper and just start writing all the things I feel are involved in that goal. As you are brainstorming this part you’ll notice that certain steps seem to go together, write them in the same area of the paper. You’ll end up with a “mind map” or “web” with key steps grouped together. Make sure to break each idea down until it is a specific step. Going back to our example of raising a grade to an 83%, we can see that a step such as, “studying more” is much too general. Break it down until you can get to the specifics involved (it helps to answer who, what, where, when, why and how questions). Is your goal still realistic and attainable given all these steps?

Now before we go further, take a look at what you have written down. Do you see any potential obstacles, roadblocks or challenges that could occur to stop you from achieving your goal? If you can foresee the obstacles before they occur you can design strategies to overcome them before they happen. Knowing your plan if “x” should occur will prevent you from giving up on your goal because one thing went wrong. I am assuming you have had this goal before but did not achieve it. Einstein is known for his definition of insanity as, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.  What will make it different this time?

You should take a short break at this point and let your brain process all this information. Often new ideas or strategies will come to you while you are doing something else that is less brain intensive. Come back and reread what you have written, is there anything to add?

The last step for today is to prioritize your steps and actually put them in your calendar. You do use a calendar don’t you? Mark out where and when you will do step a, b and c, etc. I would suggest you double the time you think it is going to take to do the step, until you get a better idea of the actual amount of time you will need for each step. Is it still realistic? What can you do RIGHT NOW to keep the momentum going? DO IT!

Next post will cover ways to leverage your environment and track your progress. Please feel free to post your questions or goals in the comment box below.

Stop! No New Year's Resolutions in 2010

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Happy New Year!

          Yes, I know that January is just about over and that any resolution you may have set for yourself is probably long forgotten. In fact, according to research by the Franklin Covey Company, 33% of people will give up on their resolutions by this time. By the end of March, 75% will have given up.  They must know me!

          This year though, being the start of a new decade (and me loving numbers like I do) I decided to do something different. Hubby and I set off for a few days to have some fun and do some “serious” planning for this year. We talked about the good, the bad and the ugly of 2009 and our hopes and dreams for 2010. We used Jack Canfield’s Success Principles book as a guide and used his seven categories to define the areas of our lives. They are: work/career, finances, recreation/free time, health and fitness, relationships, personal goals and contribution to society. We then came up with a (S.M.A.R.T.) goal for each and then listed some “to do’s” under each. When projects like redo the dining room and clean out the basement started showing up on the personal list we decided to add an eighth category called physical environment. That took my “organizing projects” and hubby’s fix it projects off the personal list and into its own category (whew!).

          The whole thing was a bit overwhelming so we decided we would think ahead only one quarter – just January, February and March. We took a yearlong calendar and added in the Big Rocks (commitments, vacation, holidays, etc.) first so we could see what time was actually left. (Don’t tell anyone but I have a SLIGHT tendency to overbook myself J.) Then we went month by month for the first three even getting down to the nitty gritty tasks we want to do and making sure they were balanced with non “work” type activities.

          This was such a learning experience for us and we are already moving ahead because we are both on the same page. I’ll be sharing more in future blogs. Stay tuned by using the RSS feed button on the right sidebar and be automatically notified of new blog posts.

Thanks for reading!