ADHD

Clothing, Closets and Drawers, Oh My!

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Too many clothes, too much laundryDecisions, decisions, decisions. Are you overwhelmed by the decisions around what to wear today? When was the last time you said, “I have nothing to wear?” Yet, are your dresser drawers and closets overflowing? Let’s talk about taking care of all that “inventory” and how you can make it less stressful.

Clothing and taking care of it can often be a pleasure and a pain. “The average family of 4 completes 8-10 loads of laundry per week. Depending on how often the wash is done, the time spent will vary, but, on average at least 8-hours will be spent on washing, drying, and folding clothes”. If you or your kids have more than a load of laundry each, twice a week then you might want to reconsider your options.

How much is enough? Only you can decide. If you like spending your time doing laundry and all the clothes can fit in their storage spaces, then don’t worry. If, however, you can’t fit all the clean laundry in their storage spaces or you find yourself constantly with a backlog of laundry – then maybe you have too many clothes. I once had a client that complained about always being behind on the laundry. She found it difficult to “catch up” because that meant 6 loads of her clothes and many more for her husband and children and the household (sheets, towels, etc.). If the laundry was able to be completely caught up, she would not have had space to put it either.

Marie Kondo suggests collecting all your clothes in one pile and then deciding whether to keep it or not (does it spark joy?) Since we wear 20% of our clothing 80% of the time – why are you allowing the other 60-80% to clutter up your life? How frustrating is it to look in the closet and not find anything you WANT to wear?

Adults

  • Do I wear it?
  • Do I like how I feel and look when I wear it?
  • How many do I have?
  • Do I have space to store it?

If you hesitate to pass it along, then store it for a few months out of your closet but still somewhere where you can access it. If it is out of sight, it is not stressing you out or making your decisions more difficult when you are trying to get dressed in a hurry.

If you are not ready to tackle your own closet….

Kids grow fast. Why not start easily with clearing out what no longer fits or what your child does not wear. For younger kids, be sure to ask if it is easy to put on and take off. (As an educator I saw many students struggle with a stiff jean button when racing to the bathroom).

Kids probably need about two weeks’ worth of every day clothing. That way they have enough to change during the day if necessary and still be able to make it longer than a week before laundry needs to be done.  Kids want to be able to see what they want to wear quickly and easily – here’s where the Marie Kondo method of folding can be helpful. All shirts can be seen at once and pulling one shirt out does not mess up the rest of them. Rolling is another option that can also be helpful.

Drawers are complicated. There are too many steps for them to put clothes away or even to grab clothes to put on. Often, you’ll find the drawers stay open and the pile of shirts is a mess from where they pulled out the shirt on the bottom. The same thing applies to the closet. Do you know how many steps are involved in hanging something up?

Also, a hamper filled with clean clothes often does not get put away and ends up becoming the laundry hamper again – and the cycle continues (except that this is unnecessary “do-over” work and added wear and tear on the clothes).

Kids

  • Do they fit?
  • Does my child wear them (Easy to put on?)
  • Does my child like them?
  • Is there storage space for all their clothes?
  • How much do they really need?

Once you are able to reduce the “inventory” you will see that the workload decreases as well. What would it feel like to start the week with all the laundry done? Then it may be a matter of doing a load of laundry here and there throughout the week in order to have just a bit to finish up on the weekend. Some organizers suggest a load of laundry a day – but I know somedays are busier than other days. Trying to get the load all the way to finished (meaning put away) can be a challenge. Pick days and times you know you can get it all the way to completed before you start. Also, do you know how long it actually takes for your washer to complete a cycle? Figure that out and you can plan better – same for the dryer.

Clothing is one of the more challenging things to organize and maintain. You may have noticed during this past year+ of pandemic that you tend to wear the same things. Take advantage and cut down your inventory and you may find you have more to wear than you thought.

Five Super Strategies to Knockout Stress

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Good strategiesThis September, especially after last year, may be a bit more difficult to manage because we are all out of practice. Sure, some students continued to go to school and maybe you had to continue to go to work. For many, last year was a combination of situations with a few extra pivots thrown in just to keep us on our toes.

Last month we talked about your systems and took a look at them to see what was working and what was not working. If you missed it, you can check it out here. Dealing with a system that doesn’t work adds extra stress and the transition back to the “real” world will be stressful enough. Let’s take a look at 5 simple things you can do to keep those stress levels down as we transition back to reality.

Five Super Strategies

  1. Make time visual – ever notice how time seems to slip away and all of a sudden you are hurrying and wondering how did it get away from me? Keeping analog clocks in certain areas (especially the bathroom) will make you more aware of the passing of time. Make sure your children have a clock in their room as well. It’s never too early to start becoming aware of time.
  2. Routines and habits allow the brain to operate on automatic pilot. Automatic pilot frees up brain energy for more important tasks. Creating a morning and evening routine (and a homework routine, if you have kids) will make your life easier and less stressful. If you plan it right, it can also help you get out the door faster and less stressed.
  3. Keep it simple – the number of steps it takes to do anything should be the least number of steps it takes. If your routine or your habit has very detailed steps then it is probably more work than it is worth. This is often why kids do not put their clothes away in the dresser drawers as it is too many steps – same for the closet. Hooks, shelves and bins work better.
  4. Organization – probably the most important habit to reduce stress and frustration. Making sure everything has a place and that everyone knows where that place is makes it so much easier to find what you are looking for. Ever have to search for the scissors or your car keys?
  5. A weekly reset – will give you a chance to take care of last weeks to dos and challenges and to start fresh for the next week. Simple things like looking at the calendar and seeing what is coming up. Maintaining your systems (maintenance keeps you organized) by putting things back in their places. Preparing for the week ahead helps you stay on track. How would that feel on Monday morning?

If you struggle with any of these super strategies and would like some help – let me know. Coaching can help you design the systems that will work for you.

Pandemic Paper Purge Part 2

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Last month we talked about cleaning up some of the paper piles that you have been collecting and reducing the amount of paper you hold onto “just in case.” I hope that you are feeling lighter by now and can focus on reducing the number of places you keep the remaining papers so you can find what you need when you need it. If you didn’t finish, that’s okay but try to deal with all the paper that is coming into your home each day. Don’t wait until you have cleared out the backlog as that is an ongoing process, not one that can be done quickly.

Three Kinds of Paper

  1. The first group of papers are the irreplaceable ones. The social security cards, the deed to the house, the title for your car, your marriage license, passports, etc. Sure, you could probably figure out how to get a replacement but it wouldn’t be easy. This can include sentimental memorabilia and specialty items. Not photos though, they have their own storage needs.
  2. Then there are the bills – if anyone except me still gets paper bills - that need to be “touched” at least monthly or quarterly in the case of property tax or water bills. These are short term papers. The receipt for those gloves you bought but haven’t worn them enough to know if you really want to keep them. The utility bills, receipts for things you have purchased or papers from school. This category also includes the things you are thinking about purchasing and the fliers you want to review before recycling. Keeping magazines and catalogs in this category avoids the year long pile up that can occur.
  3. Lastly, there are long term storage These papers don’t need to be accessed for a year or more. This is where tax records, and warranty information and manuals live (if you tend to keep that kind of stuff).

Where to Store?

For Irreplaceable Items: These items should be stored in a fireproof, waterproof, portable container in case you need to leave your house in a hurry. You might want to put copies of your credit card information, your license and health care cards, doctors’ names and contact information in there too. Think of the things you would need if you had to leave your home and make sure those things (or copies of them) are in there.

Short term papers: I am sure you have one spot for all the bills – you do, don’t you? It can be wherever you want it to be, but all bills and short-term papers need to go there and no where else. No one wants to scour the whole house looking for that property tax bill that came two months before it was due. Some clients have set up “command centers” using a hanging file box and different folders for action, bills, school schedules, receipts, etc. I have a set of cubbies over the desk in the kitchen – best idea ever! Wherever you decide to keep them, keep all of the papers there so you only need to look in one place. If you are crafty though and keep a lot of ideas for future projects, you might want to set up a space to keep all that stuff together as well. Take the time to label things in broad categories so you don’t need to go through the whole drawer to find one pattern. Magazines and catalogs you want to go through can also be contained in a basket or bin. When the next one comes in – the first one goes out.

Long term Storage: This storage should be out of the way but still easy to get to. You don’t want it taking up valuable space in a closet when it can stay safely in a plastic box in the attic or a dry basement. As your kids grow, this may also be the space you put there most treasured items. Be sure to use an archival box to protect them. I hesitate to even mention warranty booklets – most are available online so there is no need to hold onto them. Think about how many times you have actually had to use one of them. Was it worth holding onto? The biggest problem with long term storage is it mostly likely will not get looked at again. Every year though when you go to put your tax documents away you can take out the documents from 4 years ago and shred them. If you are getting electronic copies, you can delete them too. The records your computer is holding also need to be gone through and/or put into folders that have broad categories with very specific file names. Computer documents are a whole newsletter on their own. I mention them because the push now is to scan copies and shred the paper copies in order to reduce the paper in your home. If you do that, be sure to tag them and use specific file names so you can find what you are looking for.

How Much is Enough?

You will need to decide how much paper you feel you “must” hold onto. Ask yourself can it be replaced, what is the worst that could happen if I don’t have this and seriously will I ever get to this project? Then decide where to keep it. If you have storage already set up, be sure to go through and purge what you can before adding in the new.  (Photos and memorabilia should have their own home). It is an investment in time for sure, but when you need something and can go directly to the cabinet to get it – you will feel so proud of the effort you put in.

Get started now – don’t leave it all for your kids to go through????

PS Don’t forget to shred anything with your name or identifying information on it. Identity theft happens. Good luck!

Clutter Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Pandemic Paper Purge Part 1

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Paper file holderLast week we gathered together all the papers needed to fill out the tax organizer we received from our tax accountant for filing our Income taxes. You know the property tax receipts, the charitable giving receipts, the tax documents that come in the mail, etc. All of it pretty well categorized and easily accessible. Then it happened….I needed one receipt from a purchase two years ago that I hoped was in the supporting documents from that year-but it wasn’t.

The Search Begins

Being somewhat organized I first searched Quicken. If it had been charged, it would have shown up there – but it didn’t. Not in the receipt file either and that got me thinking (and fuming) about all the places I tend to keep “important papers.” How about you; do you keep papers “just in case” or “to read later?” Take a look around, how many different places do you have for those papers? Often, we tend to hold onto papers just in case we might need them later. I don’t believe we will ever be totally paperless but I am sure if you took a look at the papers you are saving – you may find some that can go.

What to Look For

Only you know where you have been “storing” paper so look around and check for:

  1. Warranty and Instruction manuals (still own it? Is the manual online?)
  2. Recipes you will never try (If you haven’t made them this year, what are the odds?)
  3. Helpful articles (health, organizational, inspirational, etc.)
  4. Bill receipts (the last year or more is available online – once it’s paid let it go)
  5. Tax records and supporting documentation from 2012 or earlier (CPA told me keep for 7 years)
  6. Kids’ artwork (can’t save it all be selective)
  7. Coupons – be serious will you use them?
  8. Junk Mail and Flyers (immediately into the recycle or shred)

Once you get rid of the backlog of papers you no longer need, you will want to focus on what to do with the important papers. Any system should follow the KISS philosophy of Keep it Super Simple. The first step is to consolidate those papers into categories. Some possible categories might be: taxes, reference, memorabilia, long term storage (birth certs, SS cards, titles, etc.) and of course your “might want this later” pile too. You’ll need to do the same thing with your digital files. Set up folders with specific names so there is no question what belongs in each folder. What can be scanned and kept rather than physically kept?

Look at all the places that you keep paper and try to decide the fewest number of possible places to store them. Just because you have a file cabinet, doesn’t mean it needs to be full. All the important (difficult to replace) papers need to be in one place – just in case you need them in a hurry. So, spend some time purging and grouping and then next month we will discuss how to retrieve this info you are saving.

As for me, I am still searching for that receipt – stay tuned.

Where Oh Where Is My Motivation?

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Mountain MotivationMotivation is that “intangible thing” that drives us to do something willingly. I’m sure you have felt it when you get into a project and the time flies by and you are making great progress. You may also have experienced motivation’s evil twin “procrastination.” That’s when no matter how hard you try you cannot seem to make progress. It is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, frustration, stress and anger.

Motivation has been defined as the purpose one has for taking action. It can be an internal or external push but many people believe that you either have motivation or you don’t. What do you think? On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your level of motivation for the next “to-do” item on your list?

If you don’t have it, then what can you do to get it? It is not like you can order it or buy it at your local motivation store – although that would be sweet. No, you have to dig deep or figure out some strategies that will work for you. Everyone has to find what motivates them but there are some strategies that everyone can benefit from.

Know Your Big Why

“Motivation is a set of habits and routines, guided by your values and your identity, that you carry out every day.” “When you combine purpose, energy and small simple steps, you get sustainable motivation.” says Jim Kwik, author of Limitless (the book I am currently reading).

It seems that knowing your purpose or your big WHY for doing “x” plays a big role in your motivation. If you don’t know why you are doing something or it is not important to you, then it is no surprise that you cannot get motivated to do it. I am thinking of all the students that get “busy” work to fill their time without ever being given the reasoning behind the work. No wonder it is so challenging for students to do homework.

Once you understand the purpose (your purpose) for doing the task then Jim Kwik talks about managing your energy. It is easier to be motivated if you are feeling your best – but what does that entail? Kwik talks about…

  • the 10 healthiest foods for your brain
  • the importance of sleep, water and exercise
  • controlling those automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that tend to sneak in when things aren’t going well.

When you are motivated – extremely motivated, it is often referred to as being in “flow.”

Find Your Edge

Another author, James Clear (of Atomic Habits fame) also mentions that whatever you are working on needs to provide a certain amount of challenge – but not too much. He refers to the Goldilocks rule this way, “humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities – not too hard, not too easy, just right. Now look at what you are trying to do, is it within that range?

Make sure that you are not losing motivation because you are looking at a “project” with multiple steps vs. just the next step in the process. The smaller the step, the more likely you will be motivated to do it. James Clear also suggests that you schedule when you will work on it because you are more likely to work on something that has been scheduled rather than waiting until you feel motivated to work on it. Waiting for that feeling – rarely happens but you can help encourage motivation by setting up a routine that tells your brain it is time to get working on “x”. Clear calls it a “pregame routine” where it starts a series of motions that are simple to do but moves you in the direction of actually working on whatever it is. It’s a bit like Newton’s law of a body in motion stays in motion. So, once you get moving on it, make sure you are getting some feedback about the progress you are making. Look for successes in the smallest bits of progress so that you can feel good about the action you are taking. This will help feed your brain the dopamine it craves to keep working.

Motivation then becomes more about something you DO, rather than something you need to FIND. It’s not missing – you had the power within you all the time Dorothy.

What Can You Do in 100 Days?

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January 20, 2021, Inauguration day, was the start of President Biden’s term as the 46th President. He has mentioned that he has  an ambitious plan for his first 100 days. That got me thinking why not create my own 100-day plan? Think of all that you could do/change/create or improve in 100 days. What would that feel like?

What better time to start fresh, clean out the clutter, establish new healthy habits, add some volunteering time or just add some structure back into your day than January (which is officially Get Organized Month).  We are still in the midst of the pandemic and many of us are spending more time at home. We all have our own burdens and losses but today I felt a sense of hope and a pervasive calm that I haven’t felt in a long time. If you are not feeling it maybe it is time for a change. Change starts small and builds. Everyone can take baby steps in the direction of their dreams and it can start today.

Step 1: What is your intention for 2021 (or more manageably) the first quarter of 2021? An intention is defined by Google as, “a thing intended; an aim or plan.” Living with intention means living a more balanced “on purpose” life that you are directing. It is turning off the autopilot and making conscious choices about how you want your life to be. Or an intention can just be the state of mind you want to focus on.

The cover of my new planner from (www.plumpaper.com ) says “Make today count” and I picked it because it was the message for my year and also because I could create the calendar part to work for me. (You can design your planner to fit your needs.) It has places for the top two priorities for the day and a space for the goal for the week. I added in a habit tracker where I can check off the days, I keep that intention.

Step 2: If organization has been a struggle for you then start by creating routines. If your routine includes emptying the sink of dishes before going to bed, then you are building your organization muscle at the same time that you are managing your time and energy. Soon you may discover the dishes go straight into the dishwasher and don’t collect in the sink. Adding a 10-minute pick up to your evening routine can help make your mornings run smoothly. No more searching for the car keys or important bill because they are in their places. What would make a successful routine for you?

Step 3: Choice Architecture. I love that term but it doesn’t really seem to mean what I think it should. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by too many choices and as the day wears on our decision-making power can get used up, making it more difficult to make decisions. Choice architecture is about designing the environment so you don’t have to choose. Setting up things so you have no choice like workout clothes on the end of your bed or that big project laid out on your desk or connecting new behaviors to already established habits so that when you brush your teeth you also drink a glass of water (or whatever it is you want to do).

Start small and just keep moving in the right direction. Keep your intention in focus, keep tweaking your routines until they REALLY work for you and set your environment up for success. If you miss a day, forgive yourself and start again. The new research says it takes 66 times of doing something before it becomes a habit. If you need ideas or strategies to help, I will be posting to FaceBook daily tips for the next 100 days so check us out there.

The “Next” Normal of Learning

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As if the daily struggle with homework was not enough stress, now you are being asked to help your child learn online and complete work via a screen. How are you and your children adjusting to this “online learning?”

There are only a few weeks left, but do you feel that your child has really “learned” how to learn for themselves remotely? It is not necessarily about the content but have they learned to be a self-directed learner or are you guiding them throughout each day?

All brains may struggle with this new way of doing things. However, an ADHD brain may struggle with the new way of learning, and the different “schedule”, the distractions at home, the challenge of not being able to ask the teacher whatever pops into their heads and the sitting in one place for longer periods of time. All this can make 30 minutes of work take 3 hours instead. Parents can become frustrated at the amount of time and coercing this work can take. Please remember your relationship with your child is the number one priority. Don’t let the pressure of getting the work done interfere with your relationship. This is new for them too.

Next Normal: Learning

  1. Start with making a “work” zone. A place where your child can set up the iPad or laptop and has space to work if needed. Clutter increases distraction and can interrupt their focus. Make it a calm, clear space for work that has the tools they will need within reach. Put a clock or timer nearby so they can see how much time they have to finish. (If you give them all day, it will take all day. Set a limit.) Setting kids up on their beds is NOT recommended, it gives the body the wrong idea but give them the option to stand up while they work may help some kids focus easier. See what works for your child. If they choose to sit, be sure their feet touch the floor or put a box under them so they’re legs are not dangling.
  2. Remember this is a new way of learning for your kids. They are essentially being asked to teach themselves without the same type of interaction they would have in school. It is pass/fail for this term so let them do their best and leave it at that. It does not help the teacher to know where your child might need more help, if you are making them correct all their errors before turning things in. Find ways to make it fun, and pay attention to what kinds of things seem to be difficult for your child. Work together to find other ways they can learn. The summer will be a great time to reinforce their weaker skills but for now, help them get through this new experience.
  3. Break up the “work” time into small blocks. If the kids were in school, they would be going to specialists, having snack break or recess. Encourage them to move more and get outside during these breaks. Set a timer so they know when it is time to get back to work. We don’t want them having to work all day. Create a schedule everyone can agree on.
  4. Kids need time to adjust to transitions, especially if it is from play to work. Set timers for all breaks or give a warning when they have 5 minutes left, 2 minutes or 1-minute left. Then let them know how long they have to work. For younger kids, a time timer works to show the passage of time. It gives kids the knowledge that this “torture” won’t continue for too much longer.

Lastly, take time to connect with your kids throughout the day. Yes, it is difficult to balance the responsibilities of work with family life, but we are all experiencing this together. No one is expecting you to focus 100% on your job throughout the day. Take time for yourself and your family because when this is over – things will not go back to “normal.”  However, this “next normal” can be better for you and your family if you put the time in now.

Time for the “Next Normal”

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Good habits compass

Depending on where you live you may be in week 6, 7, 8 or more of this “stay home” recommendation due to the Coronavirus. You might be working from home and trying to support your kids learning online while trying to maintain some kind of “normalcy”. Or you might be on the medical front lines or part of the “essential” group that keeps the world turning. Thank you for all that you do and are doing no matter which group you are in.

Although a little more warning that this was coming would have been helpful, we are where we are and it looks like it will continue for a while. Please don’t be disheartened, this can be seen as an opportunity in many ways.

First, just a note about all that productivity stuff you’ve been seeing. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t doing everything that someone else thinks you should be doing. No guilt here. We’ve all seen our routines and schedules gone, our self-care rituals moved to the bottom of the list and our patience replaced with overwhelm. Not to mention the disorganization that is building up due to our lack of time. It’s all okay as long as it is all temporary and is not causing you more stress.

If you or your children have ADHD or ADHD symptoms then the change in structure or schedule can be very upsetting. Home is where the distractions are, so it can be more difficult to focus. The online schedules that I have seen change every day and a struggling working memory may not be able to remember it all. Also switching things from paper and pencil to online requires the ability to think flexibly and that can be very challenging for an ADHD brain. More information can be found in last month’s newsletter here.

Let’s talk about two areas that are important to this “next normal.” Relationships and Structure.

Relationships are important – your relationship with yourself, your family, co-workers and friends. This “next normal” has freed up some responsibilities (chauffeuring to after school activities, commuting, overbooking, etc.) and made it possible to spend more time with your family. It has also added responsibilities like helping your children learn, figuring out how to do your job remotely while keeping the kids busy and making do without the support services you may depend on.

Next Normal: Relationships

  1. You’ll have to “steal” time for yourself every day to make sure you are staying healthy in mind and body since everyone is at home. Taking care of yourself is important so you can care for your family too.
  2. Pay attention to your state of mind and honor it. If things are getting too stressful or you just want to curl up on the couch, then do it. It is your mind’s way of saying, “stop, I’m feeling stressed (overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, etc.) and I need a break.
  3. Reach out to family and friends. Virtual dinner parties, birthday drivebys, or just a call to say hello can do wonders for you and the recipient.
  4. Limit your “bad news exposure.” It can wear you down and increase your stress level which can lower your immunity.

Keep some structure in your day. Sure, it was great to stay in pajamas for the first few days and catch up on Netflix, but if you are still in that stage – it is time to get back on track. You may not have noticed the subtle effect on your mood, patience or ability to get work done but it was there. Children thrive with structure as evidenced in every preschool. It helps them know what to expect and that reduces any anxiety. When there are no routines, then outbursts and meltdowns can occur. The CDC wrote an article on creating structure and rules you can find here. Adding structure back into your day can help you get more done, reduce your stress and make the kids happy. Coaching can help you clarify your direction and set benchmarks so you can see and appreciate your progress.

Next Normal: Structure

  1. Make a schedule for the week that includes the times you and your kids will need to be online for something and post it where everyone can see it. Include family time and some outside play time. Don’t over plan but focus on the top 2 or 3 things that are the highest priority or would make you feel the best if they were done.
  2. Make sure everyone is up and dressed and has time for breakfast before the day’s responsibilities start.
  3. Keep up with the laundry and the dishes.  A quick “pick-up” every night gets things back to normal so you are ready for the next day. Clutter causes stress, wastes time and eats up your energy. (Thinking about doing something uses the same amount of energy as actually doing it. Clutter causes a low grade fight or flight response in the body, lowering your ability to fight off infections.)
  4. Plan out your meals and keep mealtimes at regular times. Kids often don’t realize they are hungry or thirsty until they physically feel it, and then they will grab the first thing they see. Keep them on an even keel with meals and healthy snacks throughout the day. The brain uses the most energy of any organ in the body (up to 60% for young kids). Don’t allow yourself to skip a meal just to get something done.

Although it may be a while until things return to something that resembles our past, we have the opportunity to forge ahead and make things better rather than dwelling on missing the past. Coaching can help you move forward in a direction that serves you. Isn’t it time for you?

 “Your dreams are calling for a bigger YOU to show up.”

With ADHD – Love is Not Enough

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ADHD Relationships quoteAlthough February is often thought of as the month of love and relationships, when it comes to ADHD and relationships, every month is important. All strong relationships are based on trust and love but also include, patience, understanding and open communication. The same things that are necessary in any relationship where there is ADHD.

Whether you are an adult with ADHD, live with an adult with ADHD, or are the parent of a child with ADHD, you need patience, understanding and open communication for everyone to thrive. Let’s take a deeper look at how these three things can make a BIG difference in your relationships.

Patience: The actions and behaviors of someone with ADHD can look intentional but weak Executive function (EF) skills and a chemical imbalance in the brain are often to blame. Executive function skills in the pre-frontal cortex are the skills that allow us to plan and execute our priorities. In kids, these EF skills don’t mature until around age 25 and in some adults, the problem is they never developed effective strategies to compensate for their weak EF skills. So, patience is important when a weak working memory makes it difficult to remember things (even if you just said it). Task initiation is a fancy way of saying they can’t get started on things – especially if they are tedious, unexciting or complicated. Which means they often don’t finish things either. But the biggest impact is often around a sense of time, especially the passage of time. Those with ADHD are often unaware of how long things take or how long they have been hyper-focused on something they enjoy.

You can help by:

  • Summarizing what you are asking in as few words as possible
  • Ask your child to repeat back what they are going to do
  • Set timers so that others are aware of the passage of time
  • Create a routine around getting started on a task

Understanding: Those with ADHD feel their emotions intensely and sometimes one little remark can cause them to spiral out of control. Odds are it had little to do with what was said but was the result of things building up over their day. Their challenge is to inhibit those emotions when they don’t match the situation. Planning and organizing their thoughts into actions is not a fluid process and can be challenging for those with ADHD. They may tend to jump around and have their “process” all out of order (in your mind) and that shouldn’t matter unless they don’t follow through. You can help by asking questions and getting them to think about some of the details they might tend to miss. Forcing them to do it “your way” will almost always fail. Getting stuck or being unable to consider other options can be a sign that they struggle to think flexibly and helping them see other perspectives or ideas can often help.

You can help by:

  • Stay calm and don’t get pulled in by their over reaction
  • Make a plan together but let them lead (Mind maps help to get all the info out)
  • Encourage them to use positive self-talk when working through a problem
  • Remember ADHD is neurobiological (chemical not intentional)

Communication: Working memory shows up here too. In communicating with someone with ADHD it is important to not put in too much “extra” information as they cannot remember all of it. They also often have difficulty “reading” facial cues and may miss important cues. It is important that you have their full attention before beginning to speak. For kids, CHADD suggests you be within arm’s reach and use their name before you begin speaking. Lead with questions that start with “what” and not “why” as why questions tend to imply guilt. Allow some “think time” so they have a chance to process what you just said. If you interrupt before they are done thinking it through, they may need to start the process all over again.

You can help by:

  • Gaining their attention before speaking
  • Use simple and concise language
  • Ask “what” questions to get them to think
  • Provide feedback to be sure you understand their message (It sounds like you were really frustrated when that happened.”)

I know it can be frustrating when someone you love has ADHD, but it is also frustrating for them. I hope these strategies/tips help but if you are still struggling check out our new classes for Moms and Dads.

 

 

 

Self-Care is a Necessity for You and Them

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What does self-care mean to you? Here is a definition I found on PsychCentral. “Self–care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.“  I thought it was grabbing a piece of chocolate? Seriously though, during this busy winter season it is important to remember to take time to recharge and renew because it is when our reserves are low that we are most susceptible to colds and stress. So, self-care is not a luxury, it is a vital and necessary part of a balanced life.

What recharges you? Researchers have discovered that as little as 15 minutes in nature is enough to recharge the brain, lower stress levels and increase feelings of well-being. Or maybe you prefer a cup of tea, a good book, a nap, a 10-minute meditation or some music. Whatever makes you happy. Find something (a few things) that give you that “recharged” feeling that you can use every day. Do you have a hobby that can be easily picked up? Whatever it is, it is important to give the brain a break to regain some of its energy. There is also reducing stress, getting a good night’s sleep (adults need 7-8 hours….not 6), being active and eating healthy. If you struggle with ADHD, it is even more important to take time to recharge daily.

Help your child with ADHD recognize what makes them feel good too and instill an understanding for the importance of eating healthy, getting enough sleep (8-11 hours), and exercise in order to recharge their ADHD brain. Cultivate their interest in something that excites them and that they are good at to rebuild the self-confidence ADHD can sometimes whittle away.

Kids are working so hard at school, especially if they have ADHD. The constant stimulus and distractions can use up their physical and emotional reserves so that by the time they get home, the tiniest thing may send them out of control (or at least be more of an outburst than would be normal if they were at their best.) The brain uses the most energy of any organ in the body and those with ADHD have lower levels of dopamine, the “feel good hormone” needed for thinking and emotional stability. As soon as they get home it is time to refuel and recharge. Do not hit the homework before taking a 30-45 minute break for some active fun, and a protein snack.

Help your child discover the little things they can do to calm and recharge in a short amount of time. Going outside, building, coloring, shooting some hoops, or drinking a hot cocoa with marshmallows (yes, a bit of sugar and caffeine calms the busy brain). Notice TV and video games did not make the list as they tend to stir up the wake-up hormone, serotonin, rather than acting to calm. We want them calm and capable of managing their emotions before they start homework. They are more likely to be able to handle the problem solving needed when their emotions are in a good place. Stress and frustrations should not be part of doing homework.

Setting aside time to take care of yourself sends a positive message to your children that it is important to take care of yourself so you can be the best parent you can be and they should do the same. What a happier world we would live in, if everyone took time to take care of themselves.